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The only joke I can tell

April 1, 2005 By pia Leave a Comment

If I was told that I had to tell a joke or be killed, there would be no contest; I’d be killed.

I always remember the punchline and forget the joke, or tell the joke and forget the punchline.

A couple of years ago I was buying a pen in a very pricey stationary store on Broadway. It’s the kind of store where everybody speaks in hushed tones, and they very reverently take out the pen you would buy anywhere else for 99 cents.

As they take it out, they call you Madam, and ask if the gentleman who just left your side would be interested in seeing a fountain pen. Nothing in this store makes sense. It’s a throw back to a 1940’s’ movie.

A store clerk told me a joke. It’s so bad I cat forget it. It was hard to believe that a worker in this store would tell any joke.

“What’s the difference between snow men and snow women?”
“snow balls.”

I almost fell down laughing, and felt as if I ruined the decorum in the store. My friend was very ashamed to have been seen with me and walked out of the store so that nobody else would know we were together.

All the other workers looked at the one who told me the joke as if he were about to be fired. I don’t know why he picked me to tell this joke to, why he told it in the first place, or if he did get fired.

But I’ll always be grateful to him for there is one joke in the world I can tell.

However, if people were going to kill me for not being able to tell a joke, and I told this one they most probably would still kill me.

So what good is it?

Filed Under: New York Stories Tagged With: New York Stories

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Comments

  1. Doug says

    April 1, 2005 at 7:02 pm

    The post is very funny. I guess the outcome would depend on whether there was a time limit.

    Reply
  2. The Spud King says

    April 1, 2005 at 9:45 pm

    Here’s a joke for you, Pia.

    Q. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
    A. Fo Drizzle

    Reply
  3. Mac says

    April 1, 2005 at 10:02 pm

    Ah sweet Pia, you’re one up on me. When I tell a joke, the theatrics make my audience bet me to finish out of shear anoyance. Did I tell you about how two rednecks were involved in the “true story of John and Lorena Bobbit?” I got it from an old friend, a Caraciola from New Jersy, He ran in a drag Miss America pageant as Lasagna Buttafuco. True story, that.
    So, Lorena’s pissed, hacks it off, throws open the sash, and hurls it out the window…

    …just as two rednecks are driving by in a pick-up. Splat! Passener turns to the driver and asks, “Jeez Bubba! D’ja see the dick on that skeeter?”

    Reply
  4. Claud says

    April 1, 2005 at 11:54 pm

    Lol. Great blog. Here’s me.

    Reply
  5. birdwoman says

    April 2, 2005 at 12:16 am

    the only joke I can remember on command is a very bad physics joke. And the telling of it by a completely humorless physicist (redundant?).

    yes, I’m a geek.

    so, you’re up on me!

    (*)>

    Reply
  6. Robin says

    April 2, 2005 at 3:19 am

    How do you catch a unique rabbit?

    Unique up on it.

    How do you catch a tame, unique rabbit?

    Tame way – unique up on it.

    How do crazy people get through the forest?

    They take the psycho-path.

    Reply
  7. mrsmogul says

    April 2, 2005 at 3:22 am

    I am glad that guy told you the joke. People are so up stuffy in those places. They pretend to be all cool on the outside but we all know, they all want to jump up and tell jokes.

    Reply
  8. Sharron says

    April 2, 2005 at 3:58 am

    Ah, something to break the stiff ice. Nice. and funny

    Reply
  9. Opus says

    April 2, 2005 at 7:39 pm

    What’s the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?

    You can’t wash your hands in a Buffalo!

    P.S. I’m a UK gal so you have to imagine the accent, but it works if you say it out loud.

    Reply
  10. Benjamin Solah says

    April 2, 2005 at 8:58 pm

    lol, I actually found that joke funny, incredibly lame, but funny, just like our old pal Georgie Bush, lame, stupid, and if he wasn’t destroying the world he would be funny too.

    Reply

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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