Sometimes I can sound very bitchy and idiotic. Don’t mean to; have been trying to work many things out for awhile now, and that impacts my blog and how I sound. Sorry, if I’ve offended anybody. Purely unintentional, except in one case! Really.

Now that Felt’s family has come forward; we just need to find the second gunman in the Kennedy, and my mother would have died happy had she not already been dead. She was the lone conspiracy theorist in our family; I tried to pick up the mantle but I think that my parents generation were the last great radicals.

I was really excited about Deep Throat being uncovered until I read about the self-serving aspects. I have no idea why I should find that disillusioning in an era where people are tired of politics yet their lives are affected by it every day. I’m still excited by Deep Throat unmasking himself–or his family did.

Feel ancient, caring about this so much. It seems very un-cool: Find that sad. Especially since so many people went to J school to become the next Woodward and Bernstein. Especially since Hunter Thompson killed himself just a tad too soon–there’s never a good time for suicide or death. But he should be here, now.

I never wrote about him because after he died because so many people did that it seemed meaningless to be one more voice talking about how much he affected them. Hunter Thompson touched my personal world in a way I’m not prepared to discuss here, and added hope to a situation that seemed hopeless. He’s a personal hero. Wish he was here to put this all into perspective.

Guess the X Files got it partially wrong with Cancer Man.

Two things I’ll never tire of: politics and music. I’m more excited than I should be by Live 8 and Live Aids 2 as I remember the original so well. know that the Stones will still rule. Wish they could duplicate their number with Tina Turner–but think she might be a bit too old. Mick will always be Mick

Will discuss that tomorrow. Will cut my posts to two a week, for the summer, so that I can work on my book which has taken on a life of its own, and has characters I have never met before but find interesting.

It’s weird to work on something that began about me–natch–and now is about other people. Blogging so intensely has allowed me to work out many things: to see me through other peoples eyes; to see me through my own non-myopic vision. It’s allowed me to get over myself, mostly and to be a more confident writer.

I have never gone for the most popular person on the planet award or the I’m so popular! blogger award. My blog would reflect that if I wanted it to.

Wish I wasn’t so incredibly self-doubting and hadn’t spent half my life analyzing everything I did. It’s non productive and time wasting. There are times when I have become literally paralyzed with fear. Hope that those days are over or at least lessening. Wish that all generations of women under me learn or just know that self-esteem just is and doesn’t have to be earned. I still think that I have to earn everything–and am trying to get over that quickly.

And yeah, when people write about me on the Internet–I don’t take that as a sign of “poor me, I’m so popular.” It does sting to read things about me in comments that are stupid and not true, but it only stings for a quick second, never requires first aid, isn’t life threatening or fatal.

And I promise to not write about this again. Unless I find myself being attacked in which case all bets are off.

Know that the quality of my posts varies. Hopefully two a week will allow to keep the quality up there.

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