New York, I’m back! or maybe it’s New York I’m home Think that’s a Rhoda remark.
I forgot how tropical New York is in August. Toto, my imaginary Maltese, Savannah my computer and I stepped outside of La Guardia and felt sad because we loved our vacation, but excited because we love New York more than we had remembered or could imagine.
I accidentally packed my writing pad in my suitcase, and have declared airplanes no computer zones.
Had a post framed in my head about how torn I am between leaving my history to make new history somewhere else. But I forgot to ask Lucia to come and turn the AC on, and now have to wait for my apartment to cool down before attempting to go to sleep much less unpack. How could I not be here to be a part of Little Luce and fave niece’s lives?
Two years ago Little Luce claimed to hate boys; now she looks like a sexier Leslie Caron midway through Gigi and is the envy of many girls at her high school because the boys have discovered what I have always known. She’s as nice and as smart as she is beautiful, and a great role model for my niece. I don’t want to see them only on major holidays.
I want to see my best friends (including my sister) on a regular basis. But I’m so tired of living a vertical life. Even the plane ride over Manhattan didn’t make me gush. What Samuel Johnson said of London; that when you’re tired of it, you’re tired of life, is something I think about too much and of course analogize to Manhattan
In a moment of weirdness, well weirder than usual I put in Google ads. Haven’t used the self select option. The first ad was for mold removal; how fitting. The second was for Dune Resorts in the Hamptons; how even more fitting as I used to stay at The Ocean Beach in Montauk often. When I saw the ad I became homesick for it though I was at a hotel on the beach in Venice CA.
I even began missing the IGA (a chain of stores found all over, but not in the city. I’m most familiar with the IGA’s in the Hamptons.) I pictured the Montauk IGA perfectly; then I began thinking about how it really could be worth the traffic jams on 27, and while the weather isn’t certain, I so easily put down a place that is a dream to most people.
In a new shelter magazine I saw a beautiful house that a woman had designed using pictures and DVDs of houses in the Hamptons as models. She had never been there. I felt like the worst kind of snob. The bitchy New Yorker who can’t appreciate the amazing beauty around her. I made a vow to be a tourist in my city and to try to do three tourist type things a week.
I can’t make any life altering decisions until I finish my dental work; I have one of the most expensive mouths in New York and that is saying something. I might be using the dental work as an excuse but I have a few other things to finish before I decide on anything.
I had forgotten how beautiful my 600 square feet is. I’m lucky in so many ways. My life is blessed and if I deny that then I deserve nothing. Not trying to be humbler than thou. It’s true.
But then at the Atlanta airport I saw a couple who had that married 45 years look. They just seemed so comfortable with each other. I will never have the 45 year marriage, and that saddens me. But nobody has everything and for all I know they just met last year.
My parents were passionate about each other. They made out in public and when I was little I would clap (according to my mom) and that would make them make out even more. Fought a lot also. They were married for eleven years before I came along and fave sis was born two years later
My sister doesn’t remember calling me and saying
“She has a knife; it’s aimed at him. I don’t think that they’ll make it to their 50th anniversary”
“Don’t worry. Once you leave, they’ll make up.”
“Yick, how can you say that?”
After our dad died, she began to understand. My mom didn’t believe in a god; she believed in Max. And he knew that as long as she was around, he had a great life because she guided him to success as he guided her in other ways. I am not ashamed to say that I envy their lives. They worked and played hard and never lost their joy or ability to live in the moment. There’s much more I have to say about them but I’m too tired!
Oh yes, the title of this post. Everybody who lives on Long Island and took the LIRR used to have to change in Jamica. It has many other meanings to native Long Islanders. If you take the train to The Hamptons you still have to change in Jamica if you’re coming from Penn Station.
But The Jitney and cars are so much easier though cumbersome because of the traffic.
One thing I learned on this trip is that most people really are good everywhere. It’s me who has to give them a chance. It’s me who has to put myself out there and be open to all experiences. It’s me who has to, not change, no that’s wrong, but let people know that I care, and that I have to open my heart to the world.
Whether I change planes in Atlanta or trains in Jamica, it’s I who has to be ready to experience the wonder that is life. I used to know that, but I forgot. Now that I have said it in my blog, I can’t back down.
Watch out world I’m coming Or maybe it was watch out world I’m ready Rhoda that I first loved on The Mary Taylor Moore Show then her own said something like that. I seem to to be channeling Rhoda often. And I’m not going to analyze that now.
But New York I’m home and I’m happy to be here! Is that the real reason we go away? So we can come home from paradise and find our own paradise in a vertical world? I don’t know, but you can bet that I’m going to find out.
I went on vacation earlier than usual because I wanted to look and feel refreshed for the family reunion. I kept on thinking that summer was over this week because I’m usually away around Labor Day. But it’s not! And I was angry at myself for planning this trip around the reunion when I could have gone away next week, or the week after that.
I’m glad that I did it that way now. My perspective did a 180 or 360 or something great.
I hope that this makes sense. I’m a bit over tired. The AC is kicking in and my brain is taking its own vacation now. I think I might even enjoy the reunion but first I need sleep.
This is one of my classic all over the place posts, but it does begin and end in my hometown. I will go back to my new found economy of thought tomorrow or someday soon. But now I have to admire my taste, and try to sleep though I’m so in love with my life and my world, it might be difficult. Then again I might wake up in the morning and hate this post because it sounds as if a cheerleader wrote it, not me. Maybe this is me when my mind is refreshed for I do believe that to live in Manhattan successfully one should take frequent breaks from it. Of course that involves money; much money.
Or maybe it just takes getting on the subway and going to Brighton Beach. Or taking the LIRR to Long Beach or Jones Beach. Maybe even just a trip to Queens to see the Louis Armstrong museum; he was one person who lived life to its fullest. Or going to a Greek restaurant in Astoria. Or just crossing the street and going to Riverside Park; where I will be tomorrow. There’s so much to do here; I don’t even know how to begin being a tourist in my city. But I will learn, and just do. Think I finally have truly mastered understanding being in the moment. A concept that has escaped me for way too long.
I will reread this post frequently to remind me of how I felt in the early morning hours of August 11, 2005. Yes, I sure will!