Warren Zevon sang “keep me in your heart” almost at the end of Boston Legal
I can get away with attempted murder, write a book and become rich!!!! The brilliant eccentric tax attorney who was never partner material could.
I couldn’t. While I have Aspergers his was the worst case scenario, sort of like Monk was in the beginning, but a thousand times worse because he wasn’t suffering from just OCD.
Mine was never a tenth that bad. It was bad enough. The pretty girl thing worked wonders; only when Zachary was stalking me, was I unable to compensate.
I would leave jobs though my evaluations were “outstanding,” and at the company after Summitt my boyfriend would hack into the permanent records where I was always talked about in more than glowing terms. It’s hard to find somebody who will work twelve hour days on a regular basis, think nothing of working seven day weeks, and not talk a day off in a year.
Being a study in perpetual motion has advantages. People thought I was amazing and I never sat still long enough to think about it. One day I would feel that all my mistakes would catch up with me and I would leave
Almost 20 years ago any physical problems were cured with anti anxiety medications. When I finished grad school, the obsessiveness came back. Different and worse than ever before. This time I knew what it was like to be depressed. Before anti anxiety meds, I had been too anxious to ever feel depressed.
Don’t feel like reliving that time. Medications would make things worse, not change, or work for awhile as I gained weight and became even more depressed; but the OCD was gone
Right after 9/11 I felt normal for the first time in my life as everybody else was as anxious as me. The anti anxiety meds make me appear much calmer than I am. Unlike the attorney I obviously have many interests. But I need much down time.
Then my world was rocked again. The event wasn’t good; my mom’s very sudden death, but after the two events that were so close in time, I realized that nobody but me could ever really help me.
Not being grandiose, but I have a unique set of problems that has stopped me at times but I have always progressed up. Unlike the attorney, I can look people in the eye. Have great professional and friend social skills. Had to work; didn’t have disabilities that could be given a name. For some wonderful reason people have always wanted to know me. I was totally incapable of initiating friendships, yet I have always had…
It’s what could have been that will always nag me. But I can’t dwell on that. At least not now.
The downtime I’m talking about begins right now. Will probably be back Monday afternoon. Stop me if I come back sooner!
Had to write this because I just saw Boston Legal, and…