I’m probably not going to have the second part of the obligatory fave posts up tomorrow because I can’t do a link back to my own posts without pinging them; I’m tired, and I want to relax. Couldn’t even put a link for the BOB awards without pinging it back to them. Duh
Shayna did an interview with me. Shayna’s a great interviewer, and I don’t say that lightly or often. As I sometimes like to think that I hold the patent on that one.
Because the last line of the following article is “the most appropriate of an old so famous it could be a cliche line” I had to share it; if there’s anybody in the world who doesn’t know that Larry David co-created and wrote Seinfeld, well you know now. Oh right. I have seen Brokeback Mountain It’s my second favorite movie of the year after A history of violence
Larry David wrote this article:
SOMEBODY had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven’t seen “Brokeback Mountain,” nor do I have any intention of seeing it. In fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my eyes and cover my ears.
And I love gay people. Hey, I’ve got gay acquaintances. Good acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone number. I’m for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I just don’t want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That’s all.
Is that so terrible? Does that mean I’m homophobic? And if I am, well, then that’s too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but I’m still not going to that movie.
To my surprise, I have some straight friends who’ve not only seen the movie but liked it. “One of the best love stories ever,” one gushed. Another went on, “Oh, my God, you completely forget that it’s two men. You in particular will love it.”
“You just will, trust me.”
But I don’t trust him. If two cowboys, male icons who are 100 percent all-man, can succumb, what chance to do I have, half- to a quarter of a man, depending on whom I’m with at the time? I’m a very susceptible person, easily influenced, a natural-born follower with no sales-resistance. When I walk into a store, clerks wrestle one another trying to get to me first. My wife won’t let me watch infomercials because of all the junk I’ve ordered that’s now piled up in the garage. My medicine cabinet is filled with vitamins and bald cures.
So who’s to say I won’t become enamored with the whole gay business? Let’s face it, there is some appeal there. I know I’ve always gotten along great with men. I never once paced in my room rehearsing what to say before asking a guy if he wanted to go to the movies. And I generally don’t pay for men, which of course is their most appealing attribute.
And gay guys always seem like they’re having a great time. At the Christmas party I went to, they were the only ones who sang. Boy that looked like fun. I would love to sing, but this weighty, self-conscious heterosexuality I’m saddled with won’t permit it.
I just know if I saw that movie, the voice inside my head that delights in torturing me would have a field day. “You like those cowboys, don’t you? They’re kind of cute. Go ahead, admit it, they’re cute. You can’t fool me, gay man. Go ahead, stop fighting it. You’re gay! You’re gay!”
Not that there’s anything wrong with it.
I think this is the best last line in the history of last lines. It feels so natural; so everyday and mundane. I use it all the time to get out of potentially embarassing situations. But only Larry David really has the right to use it. Liked the rest of the piece also–the build up to the end; spend too much time analyzing Larry David because I can have doing nothing elevated to a fine art form. I wish; just really like this.
Happy New Year!