“Adoption is a form of domestic terrorism.” -Reverend Ruth Peterson
Right and my parents were slave owners. Can’t remember if I read that in this site or another one. Does it matter?
Have been unnerved ever since I researched a post on abortion, which I believe in. No, not because any of this hits home but because it’s so far from the truth.
Took down a post that was so angry it didn’t make sense, even to me, the princess of non-linear thinking. Right I’m adopted. So I lie, exhibit anti-social behavior traits, am a potential serial killer or parent killer.
Be scared of me; very scared of me, I might just kill you if I don’t like your answer. Or I might come into your school and do a Columbine. Or I might kill myself–preferably before killing your kids.
Unfortunately I’m don’t exhibit anti social traits, have never had any real desire to kill anybody including myself. Kind of like being alive. And I’m honest to a fault; always have been. Know every diagnosis in the DSM-1V, read it every night for half an hour, for a year and a half when I was in grad school.
Yes I might have a few things listed, and imagined I had many more. Most people do when they’re studying.
Actually read it for a number of years often. Though I took the licensing exam for clinical social work while still in school, I took post grad classes in geriatric psychopathology, so I”m way familiar with the problems of the aged; and to know the problems of the aged, you have to know the problems of the young and middle aged. An elderly schizophrenic with some dementia, might exhibit less signs of schizophrenia, but still is.
Erik Erikson’s eight stages of development lasted from infancy through old age. He and Robert Butler have always been my gerentology idols, and Butler did things like make medical students take classes at the 92nd Street Y with older people. This is so far off the subject of adoption, but much more fun for me. Butler also made Alzheimzers disease a national research priority when he was at the National Institute of Mental Health–the NIMH also serves as a great source for info on “mental disorders.”
I have worked with too many people who had Alzhemizers not to be scared to death of it. I’m much more scared of developing early dementia than any other mental disorder. Actually I’m kind of phobic about it. Don’t let myself think about it, but…
Neither of my parents became demented, though my dad was crazy, and I mean that in a wonderful way, and it could have been hard to tell. Though really only my sister, I, and a few close friends of my mom’s know that she was sharper than most 40 year olds because she was blind, and had become fearful and dependent.
It hurt so much to watch. My mom and I had always been exceptionally close, and the five years before her death were the worst of my life. She was incredibly sharp, and had a great sense of humor but my mom was independent. Having to become dependent on people, an aide the last year for four hours a day five days a week, which helped so much, but getting her to do it was hard.
She didn’t want my sister or I to move in with her, but she wanted us, in constant touch. Me especially. Cell phones are the true eighth wonder of the world; mine enabled me to have a life.
She was my mother, my only real mother, and she would have done anything for me. Anything. And my dad, well he dis say the first time I went to Europe by myself at 20 that he wanted to get on the plane, and parachute off halfway through the Atlantic. My dad was scared of both heights and ocean waves. Other than that, it was a plan.
The thing is he would have done it. In three weeks he will have died fifteen years ago. He had been such a presence in my and many peoples lives, that I never really missed him. But the stories are beginning to fade just a bit; and I have to get them down. Just have to.
And I was both the terrorist and the slave owner, but they loved me anyway, and claimed I was amazing. If anybody knew her parents loved her and wanted her to be happy, I did. Just weren’t sure we were on the same page about how I should be happy. But isn’t that universal?
Am I the adoptee pictured in that filthy drecky anti-abortion website, that I can no longer feel so angry about because memories began flooding back?
Was really beginning to think that I was losing them which could be a sign of some forms of early onset dementia….
Have a story to tell, and most of it is fun. Some of it isn’t.
Need this particular book to be finished because there are some stories I’m afraid I will forget, and others I would like to forget.
Have a few other books that I want to write. Blogging has helped me stay unblocked. I almost never have problems thinking about things to write. However, do need a blogger’s break. Sixteen months ago yesterday I discovered a new world. One I love, but would like to step off for a tiny break.
Will probably feel more of an urge to blog next week when in Puerto Rico. Find it relaxing for an hour or two on vacation.
I put the post that I took out into a page on the sidebar to your left. Safer that way.
If you don’t know Cooper you’re missing one od the best minds and people in blogging. And she’s going to be legal and lethal in two months.