I am totally swamped, and couldn’t get to sleep until the sun was breaking this morning and was up several hours late. Will write tomorrow about my newest identity—Alana Shore. Thought last night’s Boston Legal was especially brilliant. Still in love with James Spader after all these years. And thought William Shatner was brilliant Loved his pink shirt
After I installed AIM my computer began acting funky. My Gmail account was suspended because of all the new spam, my spyware program seemed to become ineffectual and some anti virus, anti spyware company that I had never heard of began popping up.
Didn’t have any of these problems on Savannah Falls Third, the laptop, but SFToo was acting very very funky. Uninstalled AIM and a few other programs that had appeared out of nowhere. Today I began getting huge sex pop-ups that took over the 20 inch monitor. This isn’t a best of post at all–but what comes out, at 2 AM after I have a panic attack
Shortly before going to the dentist, my password to Courting stopped working. I stopped thinking and went into denial mode. The dental visit was the highpoint of my day. I was so on edge I didn’t even need Novocain. Then I visited a friend who lives down two blocks from my house near Broadway because I thought I should be social occasionally, and was really delaying going home.
Couldn’t deny it anymore; I couldn’t get into Courting. Went into panic mode; total and total. Couldn’t think straight. Probably because a beach vacation is supposed to be relaxing, and your laptop isn’t supposed to be your best friend. And I wasn’t even going to bring Savannah Falls Two, but she asked so nicely.
Okay she begged as did Toto our imaginary dog. We hadn’t been feeling well since the Song airplane ride, and had been planning on a relaxing evening watching Boston Legal However, we were all too panicked to even imagine watching James Spader.
Finally everything was fixed and somehow the popups disappeared. Yes, we reclaimed Courting, and feel oh so happy. Really felt like a teenager on the verge of a meltdown over nothing. Have been feeling like that often lately; unsettled, hysterical and on edge. That’s why we went away. As we’re not a teenager we know that those feelings will abate.
This morning I realized that I had never really relaxed the entire time I was away. Had too many projects going on, too many thing left unsettled. And. lord, I am my father’s daughter.
When my dad was about my age we went to England where he stopped me from meeting the Stones for the first but not the last time. He also lost our passports. Mr. Perfection couldn’t find the passports. I was shocked. He found them, and we all went to Carnaby Street and bought hippie or mod clothes depending on which member of the family was what. My dad bought a blue jacket that we called his Barnaby Street jacket until his death 20something years later. I own it now.
But I don’t own my parents anxiety which the world never saw but I did often. The world sees mine, yet until recently I was calm for so long. Usually the ocean waves works its magic and it did, but not all the way.
Realized a long time ago the worst part of my parents legacy was their anxiety and decided to rid myself of that. Tonight I realized that I probably will beginning on Friday, the 15th anniversary of my dad’s death. I am an adult orphan you know–and will put Doug’s satire into a page. Am planning on putting my other blog publicity into a page along with a page of the best of my BIO posts, and a page with my best of posts.
I need order in my blog as I need it in my life. Totally finished with taxes, and it’s wow, March 28. That’s a first for me. When my dad was my accountant, he would always make me give him my stuff first, and do my taxes last. For some reason he thought it was an incrediblly funny joke
Wasn’t funny the year he died during tax season, my new highly recommended accountant made many basic mistakes such as taking a deduction for my IRA when my income was too high.
I was audited for that year–my first and only so far. It wasn’t bad. The IRS had actually made many mistakes, also.
Life’s like that. I think it’s me making all the mistakes, and it turned out to be the accountant and the IRS, my paperwork was perfect. My dad would have been proud. And would have found it nice to use the word “perfect” in something involving me.
But for all my faults, I know that he thought I was some kind of eccentric weird perfect. In my family eccentric weird, but within normal boundaries counted for a lot.