We’re not setting examples, Denny, We’re just being true to who we are.” Alan Shore (James Spader) to Denny Crane (William Shatner) Boston Legal
The one thing that I have never been accused of is pandering to any group or individual. The above quote goes so well with this. It wasn’t planned
This definitely isn’t a by product of my Junior High and High School experience at one of these top-ranked schools. My school district stressed pandering and conformity. Still does I believe.
When I said that it was harder for students from Long Island, especially some districts in Nassau County, to get into good colleges then, and was very similar to today’s college madness, I truly meant it.
I neither felt my chronological age, nor worried about having children. I had been married at 21 so it might not have been as pressing when I was in my 30’s, especially after I finally broke up with Zachary. I hated to date; had to feel chemistry flowing deeply Maybe that’s not a great quality. I won’t ever pretend to being perfect. In my heart I did aspire to it for too much.
While nobody is unique, I have had some unique problems, all the more strange because I did go to one of America’s top school districts, and it was even then. My problems weren’t treated, not out of parental neglect quite the opposite, but because I was a girl with a high IQ, problems that were supposed to be the provenance of boys, and I was adopted.
By talking about my problems, in the context of a story that happened to me, I might be able to help somebody else, or to find help for myself.
If anybody has very minor Aspergers, ADHD, CAPD, a myriad of learning disabilities, and acute anxiety, because who wouldn’t be after all this, please leave a comment or email me–it’s on the sidebar somewhere.
And I truly hope that some of America’s top school districts have learned that students with problems that aren’t easily definable are listened to along with their parents.
Once I left that school district, I found my voice, but the more subtle ramifications have been life long.
I think that anybody who had and has these problems yet they have never been the central focus of her life deserves to tell any story she frigging wants to. Despite what my titanium standard school district said about me, I’m so worth it.
There are reasons that I don’t talk about my day-to-day life now, and I hope that people can respect that. That said if I ever decide to get married I will let you know ahead of time, unless I meet him and marry him the next day.
I might be as capable of that as I’m capable of delaying an answer to a proposal for almost three months. I’m capable of many strange things. Sometimes I don’t think at all; other times I analyze all conceivable variables to death. That’s when I usually make the wrong decision.
And I do tell anecdotes about my life. Little snapshots that offer glimpses into my life now.
In answer to a question that I was asked: What distinguishes a New York baby boomer from a Mid West one? We were you. Though we usually lived away from home, might have lived with a significant other, we delayed truly growing up as long as possible.
We didn’t expect to make much money as we entered our working lives in a recession. We didn’t think we were owed everything. Yet many of us refused to start at the bottom. We wanted the respect we thought due to us as college graduates. There was an older generation who disagreed. They might have won the battle, but they did, unfortunately lose the war. There are dues that we should all pay. That might be just me though.
Or we thought we delayed growing up. If you’re 35, not living with your parents usually, have a decent job with money to pay the bills and to go out, have great friends and an active, though maybe not as exciting social life as you would want, you’re way ahead of the curve. You can take care of yourself.
Maybe what being a “grown up” really means is being changed as what being “a child” meant in the nineteenth century. Once children were no longer needed at the family farm so much, and the industrial revolution brought up sweeping changes, including child labor laws, true childhood became a reality for many.
“Teenage” years didn’t become an expression until well into the twentieth century. Teenagers became a category separate and distinct from both from children and adults.
We’re redefining adulthood, and my type of baby boomer was there first.
While I know that men are living longer, most still die before their wives, or are frailer. One partner usually is. People generally live alone at some point in their lives. It’s good to know how to be totally in charge of your life and how to have fun without being dependent on somebody else.
Did I say that I’m am a micromanager, and have been called too independent?
Yes, it’s nice to have somebody to be around when you need somebody to be there. But on a night like tonight, when I had two hours seventeen minutes of dental work, it was so great to be able to postpone some social plans until Thursday, and now get ready to watch Boston Legal
The Sopranos was at its most brilliant this past Sunday. Not really up for analyzing the reasons why.
Never really talked about being a baby boomer though it was obvious from the dates of some of my stories. Think people can see why now.
I love publicity whores.
When they deserve the publicity as you do.
Interesting as always.
The Sopranos was Brilliant.
The best for last.
I went to the best Middle and High Schools in my hometown city. And hated every second of every day. Being too smart, was so bored, never helped by teachers or parents, because I was an adult by 5th grade. It is interesting that you mention childhood in the 19th century, because I’ve always felt more comfortable in that era. I cannot relate to any social experiences of the 60’s, 70’s or early 80’s. My first job was a paper route when I was 12, and I did that plus two part time jobs all through high school. I am very fortunate to have met my wife in 1985, and through many rough patches, we will celebrate our 19th anniversary this July. Keep fighting Pia, you have lots of friends.
“I’m capable of many strange things.”
Hmmm… no wonder I am smitten with you! I could say the same thing about myself… I have never dated… no, fell in love, moved in right away and then married the guy while giving my family a 2-week heads up to it all, before ditching Spain for SF… I think we would have gotten in quite some trouble together had we been classmates…
Mild Aspergers et al… it is what makes you you and I for one adore you just as you are…
It’s very helpful that you talk about Aspbergers. Autism spectrum disorders are really challenging the old way of looking at disability and especially around individuality. People with Aspberger’s are exceptionally different from one another and often extremely able. I don’t know of another who writes like you do, though.
This post becomes more brilliant each time I read it. (Are you constantly editing it or something?)
I can relate to a lot of what you say. Seems when I over-analyze and over-think some decision, I always make the wrong one.
And I’ve always thought/said I think it’s good if people can live on their own, even for a short while, instead of going straight from their parents to a spouse.
You write about how adulthood is changing. I write about how to properly cleanse your hands in a public restroom. That seems about right.
Volcanic sand is black.
I love this post and Bone has it wright.
If you weren’t capable of many strange things I probably wouldn’t be reading this right now.
Funny that Boston, often thought of as the mecca of education, has only one entry on that list, and at #81!
So far, I don’t know a post I don’t love – all I can say is Right On to all of your comments. You are truly an inspiration in more ways than one.
My goal is to never grow up…not really, but it’s a nice dream.
the dentist again? I thought I was buy my dentist a nice motor boat, you must be buying your dentist the QE2. I’m glad you can rest at home, take care of yourself and keep writing.
I heard somewhere that men die before women because the men get bored.
hmmmm. But I guess I’m beginning to forget most of my teenage years… so I guess that makes me all grown up now. 🙂
Boston Legal is a great show.
Stroke of genius casting Spader and Shatner opposite each other.
I am sorry to hear life isn’t treating you well these days. It always moves in cycles, doesn’t it – the good and the bad? I tell myself this too will pass; but what to do in the meantime? Interesting, your experience with school. My elementary school days were in the 60’s, at a Catholic institution (for most of it anyway). I had hurdles too – my education was subsidized, as my family was poor. This led to my being a target for nasty nuns with an animus against both the poor and the Irish. That – and I was dyslexic – something not understood nor even tolerated back then. My inability to spell or understand numbers (it all switched round in my head) were seen as acts of defiance; especially after the ‘IQ’ police finished their testing. I was found to be exceptionally high; therefore any problems I had related to dyslexia were seen as further instances of bad behavior. So you see – I understand how hard it all was back then. Failure to diagnose learning problems can affect every facet of a person’s life. It often defers success – something I’m quite conversant with. If you are constantly told you will never amount to anything – it takes great strength of character to do so in spite of it all.
Good for you concentrating on your writing. I tend to let blogging override other concerns as well. But the feedback is instant and immediate, making the whole process addictive as hell. It’s like being on stage – you get applause or you get tomatoes; which ever it is – at least you know where you stand. I find that irresistible – I think most bloggers do. I went on the stage to hear the applause I wasn’t getting from my home. Today I blog for substantially the same reason. Though I have one completed novel, and a memoir that’s chugging right along, getting them published and garnering that ‘applause’ I crave has proven more daunting than I expected. So I blog. It hones my writing skills, and allows me the opportunity to interact with scads of interesting and like-minded individuals such as yourself. But, like you; I need to concentrate my efforts in other areas. So good luck, my dear! And I hope life takes some kinder turns for your future.