Addendum: Have you ever spent ten hours doing something? Only to have the spell check, the very thing, you were counting on to help you, screw up totally and take words and make alaphabet salad out of it? I did. I really did.
Think I’m going to get a job at B&N except that I can’t gift wrap to save my life and am sure that it’s a requirement.
Nobody has ever asked me why I named my blog, Courting Destiny, and that’s a good thing as I don’t really know. It sounded better thanFlirting with Life which I used as a screen name.
That sounded as if I were verging dangerously into Hillary Duff country. Wimpy yet girly. Not really what I was going for. And nothing against Hillary, could have easily been Lindsay, Britney, etc.
Courting Destiny sounded firmer, more real, and is exactly what I’m doing. Most of us court at times. Stand at the sidelines, and work out our fears while planning our next move. Or in my case remaining frozen half the time. Frozen with desire, frozen with fear. Frozen with longing. The prior two sentences were the most cliched ones I have ever written, and only used longing, though it’s true, to make it even more cliched.
Love to believe that I can make my own destiny. It’s sounds so strong, so delusional, so purposeful, so scary and maybe doable.
It’s amazing this life I have made for myself in the past nineteen months. If it only paid it would be almost perfect. Almost as I don’t believe in perfection and I could think of a few more things that I want. Won’t say them here as I’m very superstitious.
I believe strongly in second and third acts. Obviously, I watch William Shatner every week and he’s in his fourth at least. Josh sent me a video of him singing Elton John’s “Rocket Man,” and all I could think of was how young and handsome he looked, and that freaked me because I always thought he was born old and Denny Crane-like.
Read so much about later in life talents being discovered, and later turns out to be 35. Yes there was a time that I would have thought that ancient, but I can’t anymore. Nor does that upset me. It actually excites me as any success I have or might have is earned many times over, and will be savored so much more.
Really by the standards of most of the world I am more than a success already. I can afford to indulge in both blogging and writing, and yes I separate the two, and still have some semblance of a life.
Semblance because until Monday, June 19, when the dental goal will be finalized I will be a wreck. I’m fixating on all the things that could possibly go wrong now after successfully having not felt fear for two years because I was so goal motivated.
I understand that I had to put the fear aside in order to achieve the goal and can fall to pieces, a bit for the next two weeks. There’s rain in the forecast every day for the next ten, and my sinuses already feel drenched. Fear a sinus infection that will either cause the procedure to be postponed or me to become severely brain damaged while in one of the dentists chairs. Though I have total faith in them, I have even more faith in my imagination to conjure up every fear imaginable.
In The Pop-Up Book of Phobias dental phobia is either first or last. Should look it up as I own it, of course, but…It’s a great coffee table book. Everybody has a phobia or two, and I think that’s the real purpose of coffee table books. To get people to talk with one another, not to impart phobias.
The something anniversary edition of Valley of the Dolls was my coffee table book for a long time. Jacqueline Suzann was older; she also died pretty soon after…Okay, she had lacquered hair and had an older aura than I do. It might not be true, but I shall comfort myself with that thought.
Now I must go because the sun is out, and I truly resent feeling indebted to the sun.
I will continue to do politics in Courting because we’re too good for this government. June 23rd is the first anniversary of Karl Rove’s speech and about a week later, he was outed for Plamegate. Personally I believe that he, Bush and Cheney should be tried for war crimes.
With each breath they take they prove, once more, that they have no respect and do have much disdain for the American People, the very People they are charged with serving.
As a blogger, on July 4th I won’t be celebrating Independence Day on my blog with the usual flag waving patriotic stuff. I will probably put up the Constitution and The Bill of Rights with a big Danger sign. Would love to be touchy-feely I live in the greatest country in the world, something I once did believe
I began Courting just before the RNC. It’s original URL freenynyfrombushtoday.blogspot.com was a protest.
The title fit the URL. It was perfect. The one perfect thing that I have ever done. Well, there once was a night.
Have to end as I’m beginning to obsess over this post. Never a good thing. I want to be a poet; a person who can take words and make them fly. Oh hell, I will always have the most cleverly subversive original URL written to protest Bush when most people couldn’t have cared less.
Do consider that to be an accomplishment. Was when I began Courting Destiny, in every possible sense.