One of my bigger and sicker goals in blogging was to beat “blogs for Terri” in TTLB. She’s been dead for over a year. The woman was victimized while in suspended life. Her name shouldn’t be used for any purpose now. Yes that sickens me

Well I beat “Blogs for…”, and freely admit that I like links. Links help bloggers get to know each other. Links help bloggers see similiarities more than differences. Links are a good thing. Link me, and let me know Trolls aren’t welcomed here and will be deleted.

Your Fortune Is

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

This was too good, I couldn’t resist it, and should have saved it for Monday. Could have been a whole post, damn. It is now.

I stole this from G who stole it from Sar

Am a finalist in Sar’s caption contest. In the crossover, crossover promotion department, Sar is the guest on My Musical Highway. She picked my number one song. I own every version of it Had Zevon on the brain. So go to My Musical Highway

It’s a rainy New York weekend. I am a barometer, so I have a humidity headache, despite the AC. It’s probably not warm out, because hot weather humidity makes me feel great.

Since I’m a barometer, I’m going back to bed to see if the new salt lamps do any good. Pretty. Smell like ocean salt,

And read and think about the fortune cookie.

Continued on a horrible Sunday after thirteen hours sleep.

This is the first time I lost most of a post after posting it. I want to cry or kill myself or do both at once. Neither is a very productive answer so….

I am looking for six guest bloggers for two weeks. I would prefer them to be consecutive but….You will have your post on Courting for two days unless it’s Friday and then you will have the whole weekend.

Can’t do the weeks that the High Holy Days are in, as I do celebrate them, and need weeks where I can work without interruption and not think about Courting.

It’s not that I dislike blogging at all. It becomes a burden because I have the whole alphabet soup of disorders. I realize now that I should have never mentioned them. But mentioning them has helped other people. I keep wishing that somebody will come along who either has them or knows where I can get help.

It’s horrible to be an adult with these problems as you’re supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and consign yourself to not experiencing everything life has to offer. Refused that consignment, obviously, except that I didn’t have kids because I was too afraid that I would make a lousy parent.

Think everything in life goes back to Middle School. I am going to see an Eighth grade teacher who has a much higher position now, and ask why she thought that it was too cool and too much fun to lead kids in making fun of me. Know that sounds stupid, but I need to confront and make peace with the past. My school was very much like the one in this book. So similiar, well…

I’m sure that most people don’t but sometimes I screw up a link. Did. Almost waited for the first person to comment to tell me so. Some people love to comment to point out mistakes. I find my mistakes; it’s my good points that can be hard for me to remember. But since my incredible insight that New York would be the most wonderful place to live in if it didn’t eat money, I’m remembering more and more of my great qualities.

Because I have lived here most of my life. And yes, it’s true, if you can establish networks and a good life in New York, you can anywhere. Did I just really use the word “network” for friendship etc?

Jerry Rubin the ex-Yippie, used to rent the Pallidium on East 14th Street during its waning days for networking events where everybody paid 20 I think and stood around exchanging business cards. Was forced to go once, was bored to death, and people thought it was cool. Frankly I’m much more of an Abie Hoffman person myself. His last public appearance was at a high school very similiar to the one in the above book.

My Mom went. I was told that she stopped people who were booing by telling them that they were booing their own children, brothers and sisters, or um, some parents of kids who had guts. I was told this by her, so…but unlike my Dad she never told a story for the sake of a good story.

However, even in the 80′s I knew one day I would have to pass a James Frey test. I had the story verified by four of her best friends. We’re coming up to her time of year. Her birth and death. Somehow I think that this year I can handle it and remember her life much more than her death. Have to thank the friends that I have made blogging for that. Especially one. So thanks TonyG.

Many people think that I’m forward, brash and brazen. Have to force myself to do more in the blogging world than just post. Love to write, hate the business of blogging–business isn’t the right word as most of us haven’t made a cent off blogging.

Want to write so many different things, and try so many styles. Know that some people in the political blogging world think that it was selfish of me to give up political blogging at a time like this.

Easy for them to say. They haven’t wanted only to write their entire lives and not be able to do it because of organizational problems. I can now, and if I can break out, then can’t I help more efficently?

Do people realize that each time I discussed a problem of mine I relived it? And that’s not fun. I was raped and felt nothing. Ten years later I lived with a thing that tried to abuse me. I felt rage as I had never experienced it before. Though even my father assumed that I was the cause of the problems, the rage was a good thing. It stopped me from being physically abused. Something that my Dad later understood.

For all my outward sophistication, I was a mess. It’s taken a lifetime to get myself to a space where I can be productive on my own, and I intend to go far.

Blogging has helped me look at my problems through the mirror of the blogosphere. It’s also allowed me to understand that I’m in much better shape and in a much better position than many people.

Call me selfish; call me too late. I really don’t care because I know that my life and my experiences have brought me to a point where I can actually stand my own writing. And yes, am finally ready to go the whole nine yards. Now I have to do the laundry.

Since almost everybody I know has been out of town this past week and are coming home late tomorrow night, I want to do something fun. Not that visiting with friends and relatives isn’t fun, it is. And my niece and I have developed a very special relationship.

After three days of rain even the Park will suffice. Either of them, Central or Riverside.

Central Park had my childhood and youth, but I always knew that Riverside Park was my future. Though I still plan on leaving New York, would love to be able to maintain my apartment. Can’t even hate Donald Trump anymore as he gave the city, was forced to, the Trump Pier.

Used to call gold dust that I would see all over the city Trump dust. How the hell did I know that it was pollen? Know it now all too well.

Sometime in September I will have photos of me. So you can see the face behind the Courting image. Frankly, I like my face better.

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