A lot of this has to do with winter. I don’t mind the cold. I hate wind. I hate putting on layers of clothes and carrying so much. I hate the potential for losing things.
I need to feel motivated. I need to feel that the sun has come out for me.
I feel as if I’m losing myself into the winter abyss. I know winter is ending. But I’m so bogged down I can’t see through tomorrow.
I hate waking up and opening my email. I belong to a media org that has classes, many many classes. Last week they had a seminar that cost $50. It turned out that the seminar was a tease for an eight week course.
That’s deceptive. It also helped me realize that they attempt to make a person feel as if they can’t write and be published unless they take tons of their classes.
It’s not that I felt less talented than others in my last class. I felt less mainstream. I felt more edgy. Really when I thought about it, more people have read me, both as a published writer and in my blog.
But I felt less than because I’m not organized. I don’t write perfect little stories.
Yet there’s more beauty in imperfection. More reality in edginess.
If only I could get back the motivation I had so much of. I’m hoping one good day in the sun where I can pretend that it’s 75 degrees and I’m basking, can begin to bring it back. Maybe even two hours….
Today is the dawg’s two year blogevesary. We met about a month before when dressed in shining dawg suit, he rescued me from an onslaught by the radical right. Doug and I navigated the blogging waters together. I hit rough seas often, Doug never did. Just kept on getting witter and witter. Something about two line posts really suits the dawg. So do fables, and his weekend blog Prattler where Doug shows his ability to postulate amazing arguments.
Tomorrow I will be doing a guest post on another blog. Not the dawgs. Where I show a side of myself, some might say a much better side, never shown here. It’s the side that I try to keep in check but probably shouldn’t as…well you’ll see.