After leaving the movie theater yesterday, I heard a little boy scream:
“it’s Valentines Day. We have to get mommy a present.”
“How many times do I have to tell you it’s tomorrow. We don’t have to buy the damn present yet.”
I began this post as a comment to a comment.
“Enrichment” means different things to different people.
In grad school I was called selfish, and hence doing the opposite of enriching, because I chose to remain
When I told people that i was in my 40’s and without a partner, it wasn’t considered a good thing that I consciously made this choice because I had “so much love, and other resources, to offer.”
My heart agreed but not my pragmatic self which said that I could lavish that love on my Goddaughter and niece. It’s hard enough raising a child with two parents. I didn’t want to begin by being a single parent. Maybe that’s selfish of me, but….
I hate living in a society where a person is measured by status of accomplishment or by marital status and children
When I was an SSI claims rep, I would have to pretend that my Goddaughter was my child, because the claimant’s would think me unworthy otherwise
Having children was the only thing many women could do to make themselves feel worthy.
Some of my single childless coworkers would cry until they learned to shut their emotions off. Most women didn’t begin their working life thinking that they wanted to become a single childless SSI Claims Rep in a bad area of the Bronx when it was a national joke.
We were the workers, but we were also “guests” in the neighborhood. As such we had to be professional yet friendly. In training we didn’t learn how to stop women from letting us know how we had failed God, by not reproducing, and other such things.
There was much that I could have said to a woman who had five children with five different surnames, but I wasn’t paid to make claimants feel badly about themselves.
I was paid to take their claims without editorializing on their life choices, and to accept or reject them based on their resource level.
Most medical decisions were made by the state, but we were the people they would see, so we represented power, and they could take back their power by deriding our single childless state.
I took the cowards way out, and told a white lie–white because my best friends husband did leave, and I helped to support my friend and Goddaughter in every way possible
My Goddaughter’s sixteen and at that angry rebellious stage that makes me happy because too many kids are too satisfied with their lives. While she has all the normal materialistic things, they live in a one bedroom apartment, and maybe that’s not the worst thing in the world.
My niece leaves me notes, because I’m “cooler” than other aunts and have a blog, an Imac and take her to cool Madison Avenue stores.
I can get her the Juicy couture stuff her mother doesn’t. Presents are always welcome. I would welcome some also. Little things that show that they occasionally think of me. But really who ever gets their aunt one? If your nieces and nephews do, please leave me to my delusions.
If I’m reducing this to materialism, Madonna had it right 20something years ago.
As wonderful as my relationship is with my girls, I’m not their mommies. We did and do have wonderful relationships, but sometimes it hurts not to be a mother, and they’re the closest things….
I have never had a holiday celebration in my apartment because it has to be convenient for everybody else. As I’m single and childless, it doesn’t have to be convenient for me
My question is am I supposed to be altruistic and above wanting?
Has our society really not changed in any meaningful way?
When I went to Mexico by myself this was looked at as horrible by the people in the hotel. I went to relax, and found myself totally tense because I was such an oddity I had to be a puta
If you’re an attractive woman who choses not to have meaningless relationships, people do view that stranger than if you really are a puta
I was fat for awhile. In a way it was great because I could do anything that I wanted to do without seven people commenting on me being alone
But I don’t make a great fat person.
Anna Nicole Smith’s death resonated with so many of us because she lived life on her terms.
I want not to care about my friends and sister and society’s approval but I do.
I want to feel that my life is worthy. At the same time I don’t want to feel obligated to always do volunteer work because I’m single so it’s easier for me to hand out meals at a homeless shelter.
Couldn’t that be a great family activity? A way of teaching kids that they might live in a designer label world, but not everybody does?
I don’t want to take vacations with groups catering to singles just because we are single. That’s a commonality that’s purely surface. I chose to go to Cancun because it seemed as if it were an easy place not to have to make decisions and for once I didn’t want to have to make decisions.
I felt so out of place and as if I should go home and find anybody to settle down with. But I have rejected that possibility more times than I can remember off hand. Once a single man on the express bus from Riverdale told me that by constantly rejecting his overtures I was making life difficult for myself.
We had talked on some bus rides and had nothing in common. I pointed this out. He said we could both work on changing. This was a time in my life when I was going to school full time, working full time and had an elderly mother, who needed me.
“Changing” was a luxury I had no time for, and frankly had no desire to change for a man I had shared a few bus rides with. Yet single women are expected to take care of elderly family members, work, and change for men who show the least interest.
It’s not better to be with somebody than nobody. Most of the time I know that. Most of the time I even like that. But then there are experiences like Cancun, and days like Valentine Day brought to you by your local chocolate shop, flower sellers, Hallmark and Tiffany’s.
We’re expected to silently listen to tales of true love and applaud at the end. It’s another day we’re supposed to be reminded that we’re less than most people. Yet I would assume that the most secure couples don’t need to talk about their love, but I’m probably wrong.
We have to remember anniversaries, make Mother’s and Father’s Day calls even if we no longer have parents. It’s just expected.
47% of all women live alone. Society has to adjust their thinking to take that in, and the rising population of single men as evidenced by Bone who I use as an example because this began as a comment to this post.
There is another great side to this.
Because I don’t have to worry about sending a kid to college or what a spouse thinks, I can live life on my own terms. I do have resources which makes it much easier. I totally understand and appreciate that.
After the worst decade, and only bad one, of my life, and it had some great years, I’m finally becoming me again. Writing so much truly helped because writing has always helped me understand life.
I can give me Valentines Day presents all year round except for the chocolate. Maybe in its own way it is romantic because being good to myself makes me appreciate me more.
I so love going to the movies in the middle of the day during the week. Maybe I’m destined to spend my life alone. I can think of worst fates as I know how to take care of myself. More than that I know how to have fun, by myself and with other people.
I appreciate the people in my life much more because we don’t live together.
Tonight’s my TV night and nothing gets between me and Boston Legal, nothing. Read the Wombat’s and my Boston Legal blog. We have been posting on Fridays, but possibly though not probably can post earlier.
I will have 3WW (Three Word Wednesday) on Thursday night.
I’m reading a lot this week, because the cold’s getting to me. I need to snuggle under covers.
I might go to a few movies because i’m a winter movie goer. In summer I would rather be out. All things that I would have to compromise on if I were in a relationship.
Maybe I am selfish. After two plus years of blogging I truly don’t care what people think of me. That’s thrilling. Have to remember it.
Please remember that you might be single one day and have no idea how to live without another person.
Can I spoil a great day?