It’s week six of the renovation and I have totally officially lost my mind. it’s easy to say don’t sweat the small stuff but when your home isn’t really your home, and you kind of wish you had sold “as is” which wasn’t shabby…..Well shabby chic, flood ridden and I’m the proud owner of at least seven deodorants. Every time I go away even for a weekend I forget I have one in all possible places. I support all toiletry industries especially skin care. Roz Chast had a cartoon about a tea drawer. I didn’t know she had visited me. I’m going to go from too much to just enough. But I have no idea what that means
MizzyB is back and a lot has happened in her life. Back in San Francisco and taking it over. She’s one of my best blogging friends for many reasons. See for yourself.
These are true first drafts. So true I forgot had chapter fourteen written. It’s on the sidebar. Today was the first day I could focus. I don’t want to give away the story but Nell is struggling to come out.
Here’s a page
with all prior chapters, and a summary.
A deserted mine shaft made into a state of the art home, West Virginia, 2030
Here’s 3WW’s new address.
– Nell struggled to be heard. If she could only let Justin know that she was there under Ella and Cornelia. Ella was too easy to fall into and Cornelia too dominating. She knew she wasn’t a DSM-XA diagnose for Disassociated Personality Disorder or any diagnose for Hallucinogenic or Medicated Disorders. No she was a new diagnose for implanted brain and ear chips with hallucinogenic and medicated affect.
Nell felt humiliated and scared. “Seems like your head is in the clouds…now when I come to see you you’re sitting in the light…Many is the night I stayed awake and cried….missing all the things we dreamed of….” Damn why were old country songs going through her head? She needed to become the dominant personality and all she could do was sing songs in her head while Ella or Cornelia came out. Now she began seeing Dream Girls in vivid colors “I’m not living without you…I’m not walking out…I’m not going to leave you…I’m telling you….you’re the best man…yes you are….you’re gonna love me.” Justin did love her. She knew that but maybe she was singing this song to ensure that he heard. Other lyrics came riveting through her head “The greater the love the more I want you…loving you…the sweetest….” “Don’t let us get sick, don’t let us get old….let us be brave…the moon has a face…and causes the ripples in time…I’m lucky to be here with somebody I like…make us be brave, let us be together tonight…” “It’s lonely as hell…put me in chains…I can make love or disappear…for my next trick I need a volunteer. But it’s lonely up here when the tricks have been played….” Damn Warren Zevon, why did he have a lyric for everything? Nell was going to take over. It was her frigging body. Her mind, well, some of it, but it belonged to her. The others were going to take over eventually. Probably sooner. She couldn’t let that happen.
Ella didn’t like being alone in the room. Pictures were floating through her mind. Pictures of people and things she didn’t understand. She wished the voices in her head would go away. If she could catch the pretty lights coming down, the pictures and voices would go away. But she couldn’t make the light stay in her hands. Her doll wasn’t helping her. Bad dolls should die. Bad girls should die. Ella was a bad girl. Good girls wore pretty clothes and had people. Good girls had dolls who felt soft and could find the prince and princess so that Ella could go to the palace. Ella wanted to wear a pink dress and something sparkly in her hair. Music was playing. Ella screamed so that somebody would turn it off, but nobody would. Bad Ella, bad.
Cornelia woke up. Why was she wearing a flannel night gown? What was this ludicrous doll doing next to her? She had vague memories of somebody named Ella and somebody named Nell. Had they all been at a party together? No they had been in this room. A threesome with two other women? Where was the pool boy? She wanted him more than she had ever waned Del. The pool boy’s tight body and dark blond looks made her want as she had never thought possible. Sure it was just sex but sex was everything. Cornelia believed that her mother had schooled her in the art of seduction. She didn’t remember nor did she want to. Memories were useless traps to settle stupid curiosities. Cornelia didn’t think she had ever been curious. The moment is what counts.
Damn she felt hung-over. Damn her head was on fire. Cornelia tried to get up. She fell back onto the contoured foam mattress. Most mattresses adhered perfectly to your body. This one acted as a confining cell. When she tried to get up, it would pull her back in. Cornelia remembered reading that these mattresses were now used for everybody from from infants to geriatrics. Did she read? Reading was so 1999.
Things like this had never interested Cornelia. She was much more interested in gossip. Fortunately the lead articles on the paper/zine’s were all gossip. Damn she had to get out of this bed. She wanted a f–king shower. One that was hotter than hell and massaged every ounce of her body.
Nadia walked into the room. She spoke to Cornelia as a mother would speak to a baby. Wasn’t this woman some kind of servant?
Can you get me some Advil/Percodan Insta?
Nadia looked at Nell/Ella/C with a combination of contempt and lust. Though she had no frigging idea what this personality was. Justin and she had a screaming match. Justin, who seemed so weak so easily manipulated had threatened to kill both her and Ilya if she didn’t give them the formula. The formula was in their heads. She would never let Ilya die, but she wanted Ella more than anything she could possibly imagine. In an ideal world her brother would live and she would have both Rachel and Ella but this wasn’t an ideal world. No Justin didn’t dare kill Ilya, she had told him that they both had half the formula and Ilya would never talk to anybody but her about this or anything of substance.
Lady I asked you for API. You’re supposed to do my biding. You’re just a f–king servant. Get me that pool boy, and out of this bed. I want to change into something more me. We pay you to do what I want. Del will have your head when he finds out you’re standing there not working. Our servants work for their money.
Nadia now felt just contempt for all Americans. So accustomed to getting their way though the USA hadn’t been a major player in years. Delusional they all were. This person was just the end result. Yet she lusted after her more than Ella. She could have fun with this person. Though aware that cameras and scanners were on her, Nadia went into the bathroom, took off her bra, wet it and a substance came out that she put into a glass then filled it with ginger raspberry fizz. They would never find the real source. Nobody could ever tell it really came from her body pores. She took two capsules of API. Funny how this personality wanted just what she added to her secret solution. Cornelia, that was her name. She heard Justin mention it to Ona. Ona might be a brilliant therapist and Justin could threaten to kill whoever he wanted to, but as long as they didn’t know where the source came from, she, Nadia was the winner.
Here Miss Cornelia, your fizz and API. It will make you feel great. Guaranteed.
Nadia hated the slight perk slight humble she put into her voice. She had put in just enough to keep Cornelia out. Cornelia had a feisty look so different from Ella or even Nell. She could see a bit of Nell struggling to take over. In her dreams. Ella would be good when she needed a submissive. She supposed she could have Nell when she need a fighter but she had a feeling Cornelia could fight her if she played it right.
Wow this made me feel better as soon as it went down. Thanks. Hey, would you know if Amy Winehouse was released from the camp for renegade rock stars? I hear her daughter is wilder than she was. Del claims nobody is as wild as I am. Will you help me get out of this bed? I don’t get why I can’t get out myself. I know wild went out with the Spear sisters but trouble is so much fun.
Did I have a fever? Can you prepare the shower. I feel sweaty and really hate that feeling except…well, you’re not the person I want to confess my soul to. Find the pool boy after you prepare the shower. Oh, and get out my red silk string bikini, its wrapper, and mules.
You are a demanding bitch, Nadia thought, but you’ll find your proper place soon enough.
Yes, Miss Cornelia, I will help you with everything you asked. First let me help you out of bed.
She put one arm on Cornelia’s shoulder, and tickled the sole of her left foot with the other. Before Cornelia could react, she was touching her body all over. She placed her mouth in Cornelia’s left ear and went on from there. Cornelia fought her just enough for Nadia to come. Then she focused on pleasuring Cornelia. When Cornelia could speak, she said:
Is this why you’re my servant? I don’t remember what Del said you are. Memory isn’t my strong suit. I guess it doesn’t matter if you don’t do everything I ask immediately.
Oh I’m not your servant Cornelia. You have it backwards. You’re mine, all mine. You exist to please me. You do what I say when I say to do it, do you understand?
Cornelia smiled a more radiant smile than she had ever seen on anybody:
Yes, I’m yours, all yours.
Just then the locked door unlocked. Before Nadia could do or say anything, Justin stunned her.
Colliding Worlds is basically being written for me by me during a very disruptive time in my life. Though my friends, my merry band of doormen, handyman, and super are doing everything they can to make it wonderful. Well most doormen; in the spirit of the season I won’t discuss how one doorman made me cry as he thought my tip wasn’t big enough. I’m not a crier or a screamer but I was living without Internet access, a stove, oven and microwave. Note which one is first. That’s also because my stero isn’t hooked up, I somehow packed my Ipod….
I do try to be fair but there’s disorder in the house and…part of the reason I’m leaving New York is the attitude of give me more. I understand how expensive this city is. It’s expensive for me also, and I don’t understand why a single person in a small apartment is supposed to give as much as a family with young kids and dogs in a large apartment. Don’t worry. I do give as much or much more, usually, which is why the doorman upset me so much.
I want to thank Bone and Doug who independently of each other insisted that I go through with this. As did Cooper in her OTN way. She wrote, I think, her most wonderful post which will serve as inspiration for a future post. Dari and everybody else who truly likes this, I thank you.