I don’t understand why categories show when I haven’t clicked them. “Impeach Bush’s” a bit old. “Impeach Cheney for occupying space” would make sense. I don’t mean this post to be a poor me one. My life is great. I would like it to be the best it could be. I do feel I deprived myself of much pleasure but my life has been sybaritic enough. I have excelled in the family, friends, actually be at work areas. Sometimes i was great at job hunting. Sometimes I was horrible at it.
I know what it’s like to be in love and I know what it’s like to crave solitude. I regret not staying in one relationship never written about here–never talked about, I never gave him a name on these pages but I didn’t stay. I wish I could turn back the clock and be turning 40. I wish my father hadn’t died eight months later. I wish my mother hadn’t become blind and our once simple relationship became difficult. That’s an awful lot to wish for.
Truly I wish my life remains on the sometimes even wonderful keel I seem to have been getting to.
*I believe that’s from Rhoda–Mary Richard’s (Mary Tyler Moore) Bff. Of course she meant that as in “look out, I’m taking over.” I mean it in “get out your HAZAMAT suits.”
I will be back in a week having seen family, friends and the friends of the Miracle of Facebook or childhood friends I still think about and remember with love.
The fires are 100% contained but not out. A lot of people worked very hard to see that happen, make sure there was no loss of life and much more.
The old Pia would have been cynical about this. I have a friend ( a New York one) who found the burn pattern on the map suspicious. When I explained it was because of the wind pattern my friend found that suspicious. I have never been that bad but I would have made some truly bad jokes.
Now I’m grateful that it wasn’t my hood or house and am paying people to watch it round the clock. No, but it’s the renovation, part way too long and they will be working on the outdoors until it’s finished
I have read that this is the beginning of Nostradamus’s 2012 prediction–along with Swine Flu and a few other things. Some of my old friends believe in his predictions very strongly.
Me, I would like this old world to keep on chugging. I’m selfish. I want to come home next Tuesday night and write my heart out. I have been into much self doubt these past few years.
I can’t write and continually doubt myself and my abilities. It’s either stop writing completely or begin to believe that I have what it takes.
Life handed me a name for my problems a few years ago and suddenly things began to make sense. I don’t think most people can ever understand the importance of this to me. It was as if I were blind but treated as a sighted person and finally one day somebody said “hold on a sec, you’re blind.” But then I was still treated as a mostly sighted person albeit one who had a name for the scourge within her.
I took action and began to sell my apartment and the effort to simplify became so maddeningly complicated. Really hadn’t seen a recession of this magnitude…
I’m sorry if my blog has been difficult at times. I’m sorry if I have been difficult. In my defense I have been in touch with every non verbal learning disorder org seeking support and not one has been back in touch with me. It’s as if when you’re an adult you’re expected to settle for left over crumbs and I never have been very good at settling.
So I plod on, me and my blog, not seeking the easy out but solace in writing. For writing is the one playing field that we have always had better than even odds in. Though many less “talented” but more linear or easier to digest or handle or….people get the book contracts and the good paying magazine articles.
I won’t pretend that I understand or find that fair. When I come back from NY I’m going to write my heart out. All I can do is try and try and try. Submit, submit, submit….