My friends believe I don’t have it in me to become truly angry. They think I’m supernaturally calm and hold too much in.

They forget about all the years before this blog when I didn’t let things out in a blog post or now FB entry

I let everything out here so they don’t have to hear it.

People who only know me through my blog or FB probably think I’m angry all the time. In reality I’m only angry, mad, depressed about one tenth of the time.

This afternoon I fell asleep on my lower deck or grounds or (as in the Title) “irregular plot of land.” A bird let out a sharp noise and I jumped from my chaise chair ready to do battle. Fell asleep again for about five minutes. It looked like it was going to rain.

Not that I’m a wilting flower or anything but I had two days worth of two different newspapers, and coffee. Yes I am a wilting flower and run at the first sign…..

I came in and was drawn to the computer. Now I have to walk cross “town,” and will sleep when I’m dead as Warren Zevon said. Always hate that he said that as…..

I feel like sheet. I relaxed and was allowing myself to truly enjoy my life. I’m sure I guess this will be straightened out but I have visions of me in prison stripes. Not pleasant. I always feel like apologizing for my blogging as if I write horribly and have nothing interesting to say. Good things are happening in my life or would have been if I didn’t have to worry about giving my soul, and all my worldly goods, to the IRS.

Forgive this self-indulgence. My accountant never sent it in as it was lacking one figure and it was tax season. He told me he was going to guestimate and send it. I know the IRS isn’t going to come for me etc etc but I needed to know that it was a mistake on the IRS’s end.

I had a perfect weekend and was too exhausted last night to get my mail. Should have waited until Monday. If you read Courting with any regularity you know that I received a notice from the IRS in February as I was preparing to move

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I deleted the rest of this post because it was sad and self-indulgent and I kind of resent feeling that other people can be as self-indulgent in their blogs as they want to be. But I have a weird gallows sense of humor that doesn’t always translate well on paper.
I wish all the work I had done for my audit hadn’t been lost in the mail or lost in the IRS and I hope and know it will be straightened out.

I’m really sad and feel horribly sick because they think I never responded when I spent a month getting the information and it wasn’t easy. A lot was the IRS’s problem–they asked for things under names that weren’t on 1099′s–they didn’t cross reference my payments with my 1099′s. Many items had so little information on them my accountant and any person in a brokerage house had no idea what they were asking for.

Some things were my fault and I always intended to pay what I owed. A brokerage house that I do business with was taken over by another in mid year and I never got the first’s 1099. As I was renovating my apartment to move and had no space to organize stuff I didn’t realize I never got it and thought it was all on the company that took over the new one’s.

This notice was for 07–before I lost much money. So if I have to pay what they’re asking it’s–I can’t even imagine. I can imagine being in jail wearing prison stripes. I can imagine paying the rest of my life for some stupid mistakes, for my accountant not sending or them not receiving the info and letter explaining everything.

I was so happy. There are some amazing things about to happen in my life. But I need money…..

I felt so diminished when I got this notice and then I thought of the Madoff’s and people of his/her ilk who couldn’t give two shits and she’s not being charged with anything. I thought of all the people I know who brag about not having paid taxes for two or more years as if that’s something to be proud of when I think taxes keeps this country going–but you should pay as little as you legally can.

My dad was a CPA and getting this letter this weekend brought the hurt I never let myself feel after his death because my mother was frail to the forefront and I missed him like I never did before. And I missed the type of CPA he was. He would gladly take a call from somebody he might have inadvertently screwed–or maybe the letter is in IRS hell–but he would have accepted as his problem more than mine because he sent out the information and thus would have been responsible for its arriving at the IRS

I hope I have that type of accountant. I feel sick. I’m ready to turn myself in. I had to count the zero’s in the notice three times for it to sink in. If I did owe that amount of money I would have nothing left–and I don’t think a job at Wal Mart would cover my expenses let alone start to recoup the money. If I did owe it I would pay it but I don’t owe it. I can’t believe how sloppy the IRS notice was.

Do they have email in prison? Blogging? Twitter? Facebook? Will anyone of you write me? Visit me with a saw in a cake (ha ha). I know I’m totally exagarating but I need to get this out.

I was becoming such a calm happy person. i have always said simplifying my life is the single most complicated thing I have ever done and I keep getting more and more proof of that

My court or cul de sac or enclave, whatever, is off a sort of major road. Sort of as it doesn’t even have stop signs yet. An old lady who lives in the court can’t believe I cross the road all the time. I can’t believe she drives so…..

About four PM the rain stopped and the sun came out. Really came out as in the rain we’ve been having off and on and enough to ruin days has gone somewhere not here.

I couldn’t believe the amount of traffic coming down my street. I went to the beach and walked to Cherry Grove pier and back. Here’s the thing. I saw groups of African Americans, East Indians, Latins. In three Junes I have never seen that before and it was wonderful. Well I have but I’m related to them not by blood but by long term friendship that has become family.

The beach past the Cherry Grove pier, way past is incredible. So’s Cherry Grove. It looks like an actual beach town. I didn’t move there because I’m so darn practical and didn’t want to pay more insurance, but I love it and walk around Cherry Grove as much as possible.

This is going to be a bitch of a summer. I hope to have much walking around. walking on the beach, sitting on the beach, going into the water, writing, and company time but I also have unpleasant things to do that I’m not going to write about other than it cuts into my time. I wanted this summer to be perfect but I guess that perfection is a goal never really achievable and I’m not going to go all new agey on you.

The air was perfect this night two days before the Summer Solstice Sand fine for walking barefoot with cute Crocs in my bag. (Yes there are cute Crocs.) The ocean was warm and I wish I had my bathing suit on as the waves were just right.

I walked back via Main Street. I realized that no matter how much time I have to spend on the unpleasant things, ok a law suit, I will always have early evenings.

There was so much I thought of saying when I was walking on the beach but my mind’s fading now. Tomorrow begins a heat spell—I guess a lot of people came for a long weekend. It’s really going to be the first time rain doesn’t get in the way. I have gotten used to the rain. When my cousin was here for a wonderful visit we would get to the beach by eight in the morning so we would have beach time and really we had more than enough though it rained almost every day.

I do so love it here. But when I go to New York, sort of unwillingly, for nine days in July I’m going to find the cash cab. That’s CLo, W and my summer game. We DVR it and play along. We can easily watch six or more episodes. We’re all excellent. I finally found a game I’m truly good at–it tests general knowledge but I’m sure if I got in the cab and was alone I wouldn’t remember my own name. It’s fun when three or more people get in because they discuss everything sometimes to the point of going from the right to the wrong answer. Two young men who had that particular New York look of “could be any ethnic group,” got every question right and they had some tough ones. I’m bad at body questions. We all thought the answer was “nodules” and I forget the question but who knew the head had so many sinsues?

I become New Yorksick watching it. But in New York I wouldn’t be able to say “I want to go to the beach” and be there in five minutes.

Wow I had a life time goal of moving to a nice beach town before I was old and I guess I achieved that.

Paul Krugman and I would make a great team if only he were aware of my presence.

I have always believed that the radical right is equally or more dangerous out of office than in power

It’s not surprising, then, that politicians are doing the same thing. The R.N.C. says that “the Democratic Party is dedicated to restructuring American society along socialist ideals.” And when Jon Voight, the actor, told the audience at a Republican fund-raiser this week that the president is a “false prophet” and that “we and we alone are the right frame of mind to free this nation from this Obama oppression,” Mitch McConnell, the Senate minority leader, thanked him, saying that he “really enjoyed” the remarks.

What will the consequences be? Nobody knows, of course, although the analysts at Homeland Security fretted that things may turn out even worse than in the 1990s — that thanks, in part, to the election of an African-American president, “the threat posed by lone wolves and small terrorist cells is more pronounced than in past years.”

And that’s a threat to take seriously. Yes, the worst terrorist attack in our history was perpetrated by a foreign conspiracy. But the second worst, the Oklahoma City bombing, was perpetrated by an all-American lunatic. Politicians and media organizations wind up such people at their, and our, peril.

Krugman’s a Nobel prize winning economist but he can’t stay away from politics and I can’t blame him. We have an African American president. I think he’s a force to be reckoned with and will be above the kinds of scandals that disempowered the Clinton admin. But McConnell is the Senate Minority leader. For worse he represents the mainstream Republican party. Jon Voight’s remarks were sickening and should have been disavowed. They weren’t. No wonder why Angelina (Jolie) is estranged from him. The Republicans I have known–mostly are or would have been proud of this moment in history.

America took a fundamental leap forward this past year. Let’s not go back. And we can never discount the importance of fringe groups.

I don’t particularly like Maureen Dowd but I think a special place in hell is reserved for Karl Rove who should have been tried for crimes against humanity.

I never get why Republicans are supposed to have great senses of humor but Democrats–why Maureen is dour; and Letterman, I fear gave in too quickly to Palin–a woman who wastes no breath as she spits out hate.
I don’t think he went too far. When you parade your children publicly they become fair game. Bristol’s supposed to be an expert on teenage pregnancy. She’s eighteen….and I love Letterman so…
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The part of my heart not owned by Frank Rich is owned by Paul Krugman. He blames everything on Reagan. Yes, finally, somebody who gets it. My best friend has been blaming Reagan since he was in office
I want so badly to be a person who laughs everything off. “Oh, he caused a flood and part of my new bamboo floor to buckle and maybe rot. I will just sue.” But I can’t–either laugh it off or sue without fear that I’m doing something horrible. That my lawsuit will upset the laws of nature, and even if I win, I will be paying in someways for the rest of my life. I’m not a person who sues, obviously.

The plumber who hides under a cloak of Christianity and is anything but a true Christian told me that I had a “slow” (to explain why my water meter wasn’t going bonkers; why there was no mold or any signs of a flood) flood. I asked for a second opinion. He ignored me and opened the frigging wall. Open walls is one of my phobias left from pre-war Manhattan buildings that had too many floods and rodents.

I had to have other plumbers come and clean the flood(s) he literally began. Now my new bamboo floor is buckling, in the flood area, and the planks have darkened. I dislike air conditioning but have to keep the room unnaturally cold in hopes that the planks will settle back to their original beautiful state.

I spent a lot of time and money on the renovation. As this hasn’t been the best of economic times for anybody I made a game out of buying furniture and kept the costs of each piece low. I made myself forget that I love quality. It’s hard to pass furniture that I really wanted and could have afforded a year ago. That said I love everything I own and there’s some solace to working within parameters I set to keep me from over-spending. I don’t really need rattan outdoor furniture. Oh but I want….

Two people from my high school class have died in the past two weeks. Facebook keeps telling me to add one of the people to my “friends.” That freaks me out more than a bit for more reasons than the obvious. (That sounds cryptic because it is.)

The woman who called to tell me said “we’re reaching that age…” “Excuse me,” I answered, “how old was your father when he died? And your mother? Is her being alive at 79 a medical miracle?”

I refuse to consider the late 50′s old but I know many people do and that depresses me. I saw something about Ed Asner and realized he was only about 40 when Mary Tyler Moore began and that depressed me as I always assumed he was ancient. Not that I thought about him.

I thought I closed my New York bank account but apparently closing an account doesn’t ensure that it happens. It’s been that kind of month. And it’s just June 1st.

I have found myself second guessing my move. Not because I dislike the people or are uncomfortable here but for countless small reasons. Too much time spent on the house being the first. Little time to myself ranking up there.

“Nobody has ever tried to rip me off so blatantly in New York,” being a big one. Yes there was the doorman/contractor but I allowed that to happen and knew it.

People assume EldonOne and I are living together as he’s over often. No. We’re. Not.

I bought my first garden hose today with a nozzle that can change settings from a spray to a mist and everything in between. That cheered me. I was using Eldon’s sister’s boyfriend’s next door neighbors. I think the neighbor was trying to get rid of his.

It’s this suing thing that has me crazed. Everything else will seem funny on Wednesday when my cousin comes. The floor can be fixed. I have to go to New York in July so they can do it then. I hope this can be a friendly thing between lawyers but I have heard so many horrible things about the plumber from other plumbers and Eldon’s heard worse things from former customers. He did come highly recommended by people we both know.

I don’t know. Life’s a bitch and if you’re lucky you live in good health.