There are many times I wonder why I have a blog; it often feels so 2004. For the past two years I have been going through the motions, yet my blog has become my place to talk out certain things in my life.
Find out what my disability is, check. Blog about it, check.
Prepare to sell apartment, check……
Spend six months selling apartment, check…..
Buy house, check…..
Renovate house, check….
Decide my birthday present to myself will be ending an addiction, check……
I didn’t know if I was going to blog about this. I know it seems as if I let everything out but I have an entire life never mentioned here and I thought this would be another thing not for public consumption.
I’m glad I did though I obsessively edited it after it was posted as I have a wont to do. Obsessively edited the words but I, Ms Fact Checker made a totally retarded mistake that I freaked about as it was further proof of me losing my mind. I knew Grace Slick wrote “White Rabbit.” I know what she wrote; I know the difference between her and Joplin as well as I know pretty much anything, but in two places in the Internet I found lyrics that said Joplin wrote it. I thought it strange but didn’t think to look further.
I’m kind of upset about that as I’m sort of an expert, in my own mind, on that time and music.
I used to have many readers and when I look at the stats every several months in my CPanel am shocked that people still reading Courting as I do nothing to pimp her.
Courting will be five in August and I was a slave to her the first several years. A blog, unless it’s bringing incredible self satisfaction and/or much money should be the blogger’s slave. It took me awhile to understand that.
I thank you, everybody who commented the other day. It wasn’t easy for me to post and I know it wasn’t easy to comment to. I seem to love to make things difficult.
I’m trying to simplify my life. It wasn’t fun to sell an apartment or to buy a house in 08. The world was going crazy. Blogs and all media had gone from a “I have so much and let me show you how financially successful I am” mode to “I am a great American and won’t spend a dime more than necessary” mode.
I always say I put my apartment on the market just as Bear Stearns imploded and closed just after the fall of Lehman Brothers. I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t sure buying a house while the stock market went back to free falling was a good move.
I no longer trusted my judgment. I looked at everything I had done in the past 20 years under a much more critical spectre. I knew I was lucky in many ways; I was financially secure (or thought I was:) Have amazing friends, of many decades, who tell me when they think I’m off kilter.
My closest friend sent me an email yesterday; subject line: how is my crazy friend? I deserved that. The day before was spent on the phone with her–me convinced I was going to go into convulsions at any second though I had no symptoms. Well my muscles did feel as if they were contracting….
Then there are the bloggers. All I can say is thank you. Writing about my addiction and my attempt to get off the pills hasn’t made it more real but putting it down in black & white and having your support is an incredible blessing.
This blog will be continued. As I’m no longer its slave most of my screen time will be spent writing for publication. No excuses.