Christmas break 1961
Daddy promises to take me to the ice skating rink in Great Neck later. My little sister, Elka, is at her best friend Debby’s apartment in our 40 family garden apartment court, on top of a hill, at the edge of North East Queens. The crescent we live in has hundreds of families, and the development has thousands. All have kids. On our copy of Madeline, our father wrote the names of our friends on each bed. Then he made a list of the remaining friends. I have a first through 12th best friend. Lynda is my super best friend but I can’t stand not considering all my other friends “best.” Read more…
Archive
Archive for November, 2010
3WW–Three words on a Wednesday
There are times in life we know something important is happening or about to happen in our immediate life: high school graduation; the first day of college; meeting the person we will love; etc. But there are times that the unexpected happens and something, maybe small maybe large, happens we will treasure forever.
October 17, 1977 could have been just another day in my life. I was taking grad classes at The New School in poli sci and wondering what I was going to do with a fairly useless Masters when a friend, David, asked me if I wanted to apply for a job in the company he was temping at. He was convinced that the supervisors and co-workers were anti-Semitic and wanted my input. I just wanted a job. There was a recession that had begun in 73 and wasn’t going to end until 82. For the first time we had stagflation and there were more college grads than there were “suitable” jobs for especially in New York and Boston, the only two cities I truly knew.
The interview was short and sweet as the job was supposed to last six weeks. I would be coding documents on anyone or all of 40+ suits against AT&T, then the only real phone company. The largest case was The Department of Justice who was suing AT&T for being a monopoly. AT&T and its subsidiaries, especially Western Electric had factored out the coding to the company I would work for Aspen Systems. If a Western Electric employee coded documents they were paid at least $25,000 a year plus benefits. We were paid $5.00 an hour, no benefits. But $5.00 an hour was enough to pay my rent with money left over.
And together David and I were going to uncover anti-Semitism. The Viet Nam war was over; I needed a cause. My college friends in Boston had scattered all over the globe. It wasn’t that I was sick of my New York college friends, but I wanted more friends. My best girl friend Shelby had gotten every girl she knew but me a job at her publishing company. It was a gesture that spoke volumes. Our friendship had always been tempestuous. Years before, for a brief moment during the Watergate hearings we had been roommates in Sea Cliff, LI. She threw a crystal ashtray at me; I threw it back.
The ashtray had been a gift to me but she ended up with it. Like Shelby it was very beautiful. She probably thought she deserved it. I didn’t speak to her for almost two years. But like the cliff swallows of Capistrano, I seemed to unwittingly find my way back to Shelby. I was sick of it.
At 27 I was already divorced. The summer of 77 had been one of the craziest ever in New York and I was glad to be alive to talk about it.
My new temp job was downtown; across the street from Saint Paul’s. Much later it would become famous for being a refuge for 9/11 workers. Then it was the adjunct church to Trinity and a beautiful building to look at during work.
I loved training. AT&T had a well deserved rep for being one of the best corporate trainers. I was in a group of twelve; the next week we would join 228 other coders plus supervisors and managers in a large room on the fourth floor. To get into the fourth floor we needed a card key, the second I had ever seen. Our card keys had our picture on them along with identifying information. I so wish I hadn’t lost as it was the one picture ID I truly loved. I could and did look at that picture for hours.
Who was that girl? I wish I known to treasure her; to respect both her body and her mind for it was a sharp one. As usual I downplayed my accomplishments. Excelling at training? It was easy. Too easy. A trained parrot could read the documents and put the required info onto the document control sheets.
The Yankees won the 77 World Series that Wednesday. They hadn’t won a world series since the early 60′s and had been given one ticker tape parade for a series they had lost. This ticker tape parade would be the first one for a series they actually won.
I joined some coworkers and watched it from the main floor’s windows. People kept smiling at me and saying hello. This is a horrible admission but I expected people to be friendly, to want to know me. I wouldn’t have known how to start a conversation if somebody didn’t begin one with me. I wouldn’t have known that a guy wanted to date me if he didn’t blurt it out.
David was one of the few single straight men I didn’t date at Aspen. Six weeks turned into three years and then I worked for a spin off, with promotion after promotion. I forgot to look for anti-Semites as I made friend after friend, and slowly extracted myself from Shelby and her world.
This sounded so good when I wrote it in my head yesterday. The words were perfect for it so I can’t blame them. This memoir is driving me bonkers. I know so much is in my blog–needs much editing but first the HTML in the older posts needs cleaning and I’m going to have bite the bullet and pay way too much money. I really love writing fiction but won’t let myself until this is finished. I’m going to have my own NaMem__month! I’m sorry that this doesn’t flow the way I would like it to. Any suggestions are more than valued.
My book’s about an imperfect girl who lived in New York in the 70′s and 80′s and often felt that her life was one huge fairy tale. She didn’t take the roads more traveled or the straight roads with the great pavements and wonderful lighting (interstates, I guess) but the windy curvy side roads that often lead you to someplace new and not necessarily great, or even more magnificent than you could imagine. It’s also about a girl, the same one, who has an invisible disability but she didn’t know she was “disabled” until her late 30′s and didn’t know the name until three years ago. By necessity it goes into childhood to show how the problems first manifested.
I don’t want to make this a “disability” memoir as while my life was affected by the disability I lived, worked and played in an “able” society, with the “able” society’s rules. Perhaps this was unfair but I like to think it made me more interesting. Hence the problems will usually be on the side, unstated and occasionally take center stage
Think outside the Fox
Not all South Carolinians are DeMinted
Best signs I saw at the rally. The rally will hold me together for awhile. I’m not going to discuss how I feel about the results now. It’s obvious. On the good side my city will be getting public buses. I read that only people on welfare who are parasites need public transportation. Love being categorized so wrongly!!!
Memory is funny. It’s highly selective. 90% perception; 90% pictures and films; 90% discussion with relatives and friends you have always known; 90% discussion with friends and family you make once away from the nuclear family–and these memories get thrown into the shuffle; five percent absolute truth; five percent absolute falsehoods; five percent kernel of truth. Yes I know this is way over 100% but what in life is a 100%?
I was born in the middle of the 20th century and live in 2010. It feels absolutely incredible to be part of the biggest revolution in telecommunications since? I’m not really sure.
You in your 20′s now, maybe 30′s and definitely younger will always know where your former classmates and friends are. You might not speak to somebody who used to be very important to you for years, but one day you’ll IM or Skype or whatever.Then again you might know exactly who you want to keep in your life from the time you graduate college. I hope you leave room for the unexpected and the wondrous.
I don’t know if this change in communications and the youtubing of everything will allow you to remember with more clarity and precision or your memories will be selective also. Only time, a zillion studies, and you yourself will be able to answer those questions.
I became an Internet junkie far earlier than most members of my generation. But I quickly established contact with some people who had been important to my life since my late teens and we had just fallen out of contact for a few years. Yet this new way of communicating–email, allowed us to be more honest than we had been previously. Or maybe it was being on the cusp of middle age and being a bit sentimental. We wanted people to know how much they had meant to us.
Through the years I reestablished contact with many people. No matter how slow the contact came it always felt a bit abrupt. By establishing this contact we wield our story to another person. I learned what people really thought of me at various times and each time was blown away.
Last week something amazing happened.
When I was four I made my first best friend. I don’t remember meeting her. We must have picked each other as there were many girls around our age in the garden apartment we lived in.
We were friends who could spend hours just lying on the grass staring at the sky and telling each other stories. We made up games. We read books. Did she come to the court barbecues where kernels of corn would fall all around me as I was messy? I think her family was away all summer; not just six weeks for camp as my sister and I were.
She set the bar high for all future friendships.
And I realize that many of my memories aren’t false but aren’t exactly the way things happened. So much bad happened in my own head, for I was struggling from the time we were nine or so with NLD, that I didn’t see the good around me.
I’m not changing my memoir for it is my perception but I’m adding chapters. I have been toying for some time with having somebody who knew me during a specific period write an intro or a bit more to a chapter. Yes I would wield space to them.
It is abrupt; this feeling that I wasn’t as strange as I believed I was. But I can get used to it. Lord can I get used to it!












