I seem to be censoring myself, afraid to reveal more than I have.
I am trying to write a story about the night man first landed on the moon and the day of the moonwalk. It’s simple: It was my ninteenth birthday and my parents insisted I come home for the weekend.
Instead of watching with my father as I did for all historic events from the Kennedy assassination to Jack Paar crying (don’t ask–he woke me up and told me this was history) I paced back and forth. Company was supposed to come and they hadn’t arrived yet.
“What’s wrong with you?” My father asked that crazed but somehow blank look in his eyes. On our recent family vacation he had grown a mustache. His hair was too long for a Republican.
“You used to care so much. You were so passionate about everything. Every cause was yours. I don’t care, Pia, what you are are crazed about. You don’t have to have my politics. I will take anarchy, the SDS, anything. Just care.
My father looked as if he was going to have a heart attack any second as he continued. The horrible thing was inside I knew he was right but you can’t let father’s win arguments like that. I’m trying to remember what I said. It was clever. Not really.
Our relationship had been tension filled since I was sixteen and became “cute.” The moonwalk fight made it much worse. It wouldn’t really get back to what it had been until I was 25 and moved to an apartment he picked in Manhattan.
I have been thinking of this a lot lately as it was my birthday. Then the pictures of Mars.
So amazing. I wish I could share them with my father.
I no longer live in an apartment and went out to watch the meteor shower last night. Unfortunately there was a huge cloud cover and staying up until three AM was for naught and of course I feel useless today.
Courting will be eight years old on August 14th 2012. It’s amazing this blog–changed my life in too many ways to count. Though I think I was a better writer originally. Especially before anybody began reading this blog. I didn’t realize people made money from “personal” blogs in the beginning. Then I was all about “blogging purity.” Fool. I used to call Courting “proudly money losing.”
I mostly blog for Psychology Today now. I know? Where’s the book? I have to take more fragments like the above and make them into stories. If you’re one of the people who have stayed with me through thick and thin I thank you and love you. Especially Doug, Cooper, Patrick, Bone and Sag. I’m a chick writer for the male blogger. Entirely new genre I have to myself!