I will never give advice.
Anybody who spends time waiting for their tendons to rupture really isn’t in a position to give advice on anything.
This all began about five weeks ago when I began coughing. I thought it was my normal end of October, beginning of November through spring cough. Brought on a mite heavier by all the rain.
People don’t believe that I’m allergic to rain until they meet me. Then they do.
Sometimes I like rain. Sometimes i can even spend a night watching a great thunder and lightening storm. Summer rain doesn’t make me sick.
But we had the Joaquin rains, and they were like nothing I have ever seen before. When I finally went out I saw the patio house community next to mine, and stood there open mouthed for many minutes. There was at least a foot of stagnant rain, probably much more.
The houses had been evacuated.
Strangely the community—houses are close to each other, in two rows across from each other, looked like something out of the depression or the dustbowl.
This makes no sense yet I wasn’t the only person to be struck speechless by it, and describe it in depression terms. (I had my phone and have no idea why I didn’t take pictures.)
It was another world just ten feet from my cul de sac. None of us got any rain in our houses. My cul de sac looked brimming with life. Our gardens had grown immensely. It felt odd–as if two different worlds were converging.
Though flood insurance is fairly cheap and underwritten by FEMA I’m not sure everyone has it. There’s a catch. Wind & Hail insurance isn’t underwritten by FEMA. It’s pricey. Usually flood insurance won’t pay out without winda & hail (though there was none) and vice versa.
My cough became worse and worse. I called it the Joaquin cough as I was convinced it was getting worse because of mold and debris in the houses.
A couple of Wednesdays ago it was bad enough for me to cancel my hair appointment. As any woman who gets her hair dyed, highlighted, and sometime low lighted knows canceling a hair appointment with an in-demand hairstylist is risky at best. But mine is exceptionally nice. Half the appointment was rescheduled for Monday. Big mistake as I would have to go even if i were dancing on the edge of a grave.
But it was just a cough. Then Friday night came; OMG I can’t explain how sick I was. I do know exactly how many steps it is from my bed to the bathroom if I do big steps, medium ones and small. I could breath until I got into bed when i would begin grasping for air and wheezing.
There were times I thought I should go to the emergency room but really I didn’t want to, and suspected I would live. There were times I wasn’t sure but I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t even begin to describe everything that was happening to my body.
It wasn’t a stroke. It wasn’t a heart attack.
I thought since I knew that I could wait to see my doctor.
I had my landline, my cell, my tablet and my laptop next to my bed. Usually I only have the phones. But if I couldn’t talk I could always text, DM or email—not that anybody read theirs. I had faith my fingers would always work. My lungs and mouth——wasn’t really sure.
Twelve hours fifteen minutes after this assault on every area of my body began I fell asleep. And slept for 24 hours. Well I would wake up every six hours or so to drink water and think “Facebook, Facebook, I’m not on Facebook and don’t miss it.” That is the mind of an addict; I know that. Because who wakes up, and their first thought is Facebook?
I don’t remember Sunday——I think I made myself sit up all day, and yes facebook. But it was for a good cause; to get me out of bed. Somehow I was obsessed with staying in bed== lowered pulmonary function.
My arms, shoulders and somehow my lungs felt strained. It was weird and unusual.
By the time I went to the doctor on Tuesday I “failed” the pulmonary function test. Actually I began laughing because why do they give these tests when you obviously can’t breath?
I have to go back for the follow up but I’m pretty sure the Xrays showed pneumonia. Because why else prescribe 10 days worth of 750 MG Levaquin? (Pneumonia dose. Also Levaquin is prescribed for people who have been exposed to Anthrax.)
Know how pharmacists are supposed to “counsel” you but either say “you know….” or nothing? This time an incredibly nice pharmacist said to me: “I’m compelled to tell you that a not uncommon and very dangerous side affect of Levaquin consists of tendon problems.”
Here’s where it gets hazy. I could have sworn he said “tendon problems in your feet.” But he didn’t. He said (because I called later to tell him I’m an idiot and blanked on the specifics) that anything could happen to any tendon at any time and for months after I finish the dosage. The other pharmacist said later that if something would happen it would happen in the first three or four days. But he’s the mayor’s husband, and tries to appease everybody.
Levaquin had the weirdest side affect of any med I have ever been on. (And one that was nowhere in Google, and trust me I looked.) It put me in a great mood; one that I’m still in.
Unfortunately I couldn’t focus on anything but facebook where I compulsively——like a tic——put in statuses, sometimes very strange ones, and commented.
I don’t think I slept as much when I was a baby.
I binged watched Jessica Jones yet the only other things I could watch were Hallmark Christmas movies and even they, so help me, were too suspenseful for me. All that “but if they just communicated nothing bad would have happened.” (Seems to be a Hallmark Christmas theme.)
A lot of bad things happened in the world last week. And bad things have been happening. I was pretty sure my immune system was in flux because of Paris and some personal stuff. But now I’m pretty sure that when I’m getting sick my mind latches onto the bad. And there was so much bad…..
I think when I got sick I gave myself permission to relax. I never did that before.
The world’s falling apart but my life is good. I have to hang onto that. And I can breath better than I could breath in the past four years.
My holiday miracle.
If my tendons don’t rupture everything will be wonderful.