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Archive for the ‘books’ Category

Sep
08

My bff Lucia and I saw Jersey Boys
A new type of Broadway show that brought me some faith in Broadway. I don’t generally like it or even Off-Broadway anymore. As both are very pricey I can be picky But that’s a whole other post

She wanted to leave when she was 40 in 91 but her father died suddenly and her mother was needy.

Her office on Jerome Avenue in The Bron_ had graffiti all over the windows No matter how often it was taken off it would be back the ne_t day. The strange thing was she found The Bron_ a relief from Manhattan. She knew chop shops were all over Jerome, and she was never more than a few minutes from crack and drive by shootings, but her office was a DMZ. When she would walk the streets, men would come out of the buildings “Ms. Savage, that’s Ms. Savage. She cool.”

Generally she hated that type of attention. The roar of the construction worker, whistle of the Con Ed worker, but there was something almost innocent, something refreshing, in these boys.

She trusted them to keep her out of death’s door. She wouldn’t trust them for anything else and they knew it. Though she smiled and laughed more easily than the other white women she worked with, there was a certain coolness about her. A sort of “don’t fuck with me, mother fuckers,” resonated from her cream turned gold in summer skin

Though she lived in what was then the richest zip code in the city, probably the country, she would count the Olde English malt liquor bottles strewn on the sidewalks as she practically tripped over homeless people sleeping and would make her e-cuses.

That spring or summer a subway motorman went postal and killed a number of people Service on the East Side IRT was disrupted for months. The normal 20 minute ride took two hours.

She was the last legal tenant on her floor. On one side of her apartment the new landlord put $10 ho’s; on he other side small time drug dealers. She had five floods the landlords refused to do anything about and soon she had cockroaches coming from the ceiling. It was vile. It was gross. Call the city to complain and give her address, yeah really. She would hear ten minutes of laughter before they hung up. For years the city had ignored the lack of heat complaints also.

She could take not having heat. But cockroaches, mice and rats that ran from the fireplace once the new 63rd Street subway had opened, that was intolerable.

She could have waited to be bought out but she would probably be dead from something. She was only 40; the best dressed white woman at the Jerome Ave Social Security office where all the other Jews her age acted as if they were going to be eligible for SSI tomorrow.

Her laughter was infectious but half the time she felt it was the hysterical laughter of the soon to be legally insane. When her best friend would come to the office to meet her for lunch at the Paradise Coffee Shop, beloved by generations of native Bron_ites, all work would stop. All the guys wanted to meet her. Only later would they notice the wedding ring.

Claimants would ask for the “pretty well dressed” white girl. “Well dressed” she laughingly told her friends meant that if she were to wear plaid, and she wouldn’t, it would clash as a fashion statement. She was always shocked at how often “well dressed” was applied to her. She was just another city girl.

She moved to Riverdale, The Bron and the high point of her day was walking down the hills of Riverdale, over The Major Deegan and up the hills of Kingsbridge Heights and around The Reservoir that stunk of mold most days.

She wore silk short suits and would put on her pantyhose once she got to the office no later than 7:30 AM so she could do “undertime” or OT in the morning. Not because she wanted the money but otherwise the work would just pile up. She hated that job and didn’t yet realize if she was to remain in New York it was Manhattan she needed.

When the crack/drive by shooting years were safely over she moved back but never loved it as much as she had before the days of the $10 ho’s.

As others dreamed of the city she dreamed of escaping. It wasn’t Final Payments She didn’t live with her mother. Her mother didn’t stop her from doing things, but she couldn’t leave as long as her mother was living on her own. And her mother had no intention of ever giving into age and fraility.

Her mother died a month after 9/11 and it was so hard. She felt wounded and alone. First she couldn’t leave because of estate and patriotism reasons. Then there was another reason and still another.

Si_ years after her mother’s death she began to get her apartment ready. The closing is scheduled for midway between 9/11 and her mother’s death.

Every New Yorker has their 9/11 story. Hers isn’t that fascinating. She didn’t know anybody who died in the attacks but many who lived.

On Wednesday or Thursday she will walk down to the old Trade Center, walk further to the water ta_i to the new Ikea in Red Hook, Brooklyn and come back at night to look at the twin beacons of lights emenating from the site. Her best friend, daughter and some other friends went yesterday but she couldn’t go. They mainly talked about the ride and the food in the after event phone call. The beacons of light will always be meaningful

It’s been seven years. A missing person can be declared dead after seven years. Bankruptcies e_punged, debts cleared. Crimes e_cept for murder and rape are usually no longer prosecuted. Seven is the age of reason. Seven means so many many things, but most of all it means letting go.

She’s made up with the friends she fought with seven years ago, and hasn’t spoken to the false friends.

Her new future awaits not where she thought it would seventeen or even three years ago in Santa Monica or San Diego but in South Carolina.

She’s tired. Oh so tired. It took forever to sell her apartment and sometimes she think hers was the last one bedroom in Manhattan to sell for a half decent price. The doormen saga–she doesn’t want to go there.

She’s tired of people with their hands out. She’s tired of living in a city that’s so pricey and so crowded and people are defeated as living here is hard. Her neighbors are jealous–but there’s no longer a market for their apartments

She thought she suffered from a terminal case of bad timing but it turned out to be pretty darn good.

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Jul
08

When I saw Recount very little of it was new to me because I had read Vincent Bugliosi’s book on the after-election. I love true crime and Bugliosi had written Helter Skelter plus many other truly good books. I know I have written on how oddly picky I am when it comes to true crime books. I won’t spell out all the criteria they have to meet. His does.

He is also deeply conservative–a true thinking conservative–one of my favorite breed of men so when he writes a book accusing Bush of murder, I have to read it–though I haven’t yet. I love true conservatives who believe in morality–and yes when I was a political blogger I would confuse the radical right by saying such things.

Bugliosi’s book has sold 130,000 copies though it’s getting very little mainstream press. MSNBC and The Daily Show refuse to adv advertise it. A claim of Bush bashing fatigue has been made. I admit to being tired of Bush but we can’t bash him enough really. It should be every thinking Americans patriotic duty.

We’re all being affected by his ineptness; his inability to understand what’s happening in this country; his refusal to accept responsibility for Iraq, the economy and I could go on but why get myself sicker? So yes I understand Bush bashing fatigue but…we’re living in an atmosphere of fear of just about everything.

Many of us baby boomers thought we had it made. It’s neither fair nor right that things we have worked hard for such as a secure older age might not be so secure. I blame Bush. He actually said “someday people will appreciate the tax cuts.” That’s his answer to our economy problems.
•••••••••••••••••

I just saw a picture on a blog of somebody I had a crush on many years ago. It was an unrequited crush and most of my crushes weren’t. My ego was shattered when my then best friend, Shelby, told him about it and asked if he was interested. I wasn’t used to being rejected; I was used to my husband–we were technically married then but not living together–following me around but not in a creep stalking way–that would come later with other men. He would drive me places I needed to go, and we would hang out

It hurt; it really did. But when I looked at the picture I was once again very impressed with my taste in hippie men who somehow made a living through music, but not usually by playing or singing. Though by the time that picture was taken i was into glitter.

No I’m not going to link to the picture. If you knew me then you can easily figure it out. I gave a very vague but good clue.

If you haven’t read this yet, what are you doing at my blog? Here’s the whole cover. I have learned to copy articles since the first cover or probably that was copied but lost in a computer crash. I now back up everything to two places in the Internet and a data stick.
••••••••••••••••••••

I’m sort of on vacation and will be until 7/22 as my best friend–I held a contest to replace Shelby and Lucia won–will be here next week. We’re planning on partying like it’s 1999 which is very sad as we didn’t that year. Maybe 79 but we don’t do a lot of stuff…..Life’s complicated
•••••••••••••••

I did go to three undergrad schools. CW Post, my favorite. It was two years of non stop playing. NYU, the first year of the Gallatin school. I had to write eleven essays about what I wanted to do with my life and have two interviews. I’m a good writer and obviously can bull shit well as I still don’t know, and I interview well–one of the intervewers was a long haired man so I was in my element and the other was the director of the program. I wish I could say I was mature enough to benefit from the program but I wasn’t. I did have a job, an almost full time volunteer job and the junkie roommates who also had decided to try out alternate sexual practices. I moved in with Shelby as did her boyfriend who was not fondly nicknamed the Rat. It was a very full year and school did come last for the last time.

My dad was an alumni and his magazine said that 200 students were accepted out of 2,000 applicants. He almost had it framed. To this day I’m convinced they meant 200 students applied for 200 places.

My third undergrad school was Boston University and it was an incredible match. I was one of three undergrads in a grad program in “Urban Affairs.” I loved every second of it. But alas I missed New York and came home to be so rejected by the crush of my youth.

If I rejected you and y’all know who I mean I’m sorry and kinda didn’t mean to–I was oblivious to the obvious and the great life in front of me.

May
23

This is my favorite Google search ever “Pia Space Chick” in Dutch.
I think I have been misunderstood. I wouldn’t want to be this person When I saw this article I realized that giving intimate details of ones life is now considered to be great writing, and that success comes to a few who articulate their spilling better than most

In my blog I talk about very personal things. Problems I have. My past. But I never really talk about the men in my life except for my father and the dead boyfriend–and I searched and found out that both his parents had died also.

Am I jealous of Emily Gould for rising so far so fast? Damn straight I am. Would I have wanted to rise by exposing such personal things about people I supposedly love. Maybe when I was in my 20′s, though even my best friends who knew everything else didn’t know all the details. We had a pact. Certain things were only discussed when our lives were being screwed up by whatever.

I do believe in paying dues. A friend’s daughter just finished her freshman year at an almost Ivy. She’s an artist and got a four inch conspicuous tattoo because she’s an artist and will never have to work in an office. Ha. She has to cover the tattoo for the summer.

On the other hand when I went to college many of my friends walked into positions of literary power in the early 70′s. While that was great I knew a few people who never learned the basics of working in an office, of saving money, of doing the things most of us take for granted. As they approach older age, really, though they don’t look or act it, they don’t have the security they need or want.

Life really is about building blocks. Going from one block to the next, and maybe throwing a few over. In my case I want the blocks to go straight up from now on–but I do have a strong foundation and have attempted to assure my financial future as much as possible. I do have to give myself credit and do have to say, I want more. Much more. And I have worked long and hard to achieve what I want.

I hope 2008 is the year of Pia. And Pia will always consider herself to be a blogger and glad for all it gave me. But it’s writing I love and writing for publications that aren’t blogs that I’m focusing on.

My friends will be in this coming week and then more friends are coming. It’s finally really summer and I’m just feeling good about everything.

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May
13

Sometime soon a book is coming out. The author and I were in a class together. I wrote a story. Doesn’t matter what it was on. Two weeks later she wrote an almost identical story.

I wasn’t supposed to think she stole from me but was “inspired by.” If being “inspired by” paid bills or garnered something I wouldn’t care. Maybe she did think of it on her own. But I would never hand in something almost identical to another person’s two weeks later. Now the story doesn’t belong to me but to her. I have no idea if it’s in the book or not. It was in the very first draft.

I stopped taking classes as I grew tired of teachers telling me after class how they would save my stuff for last as it was always interesting, and they loved reading my work so so much, etc. I was always the one who almost made it. Somebody else would.

I grew tired of that world. The world of New York where people all think a certain way. Problem is I don’t know how else to think. Or how to think as I don’t just look at the bottom line.

I have wants and needs also. But I’m supposed to smile and applaud when somebody else makes it and I can’t anymore.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Wouldn’t it be nice if I figured out what the hell I’m doing? I saw a free Beach Boys concert without Brian but with Dean of Jan & so I’m kind of feeling like the Little Old Lady of Pasadena except I’m not really old, not little and not from Pasadena. I have only been there once actually.

I don’t usually feel lonely or alone. Ironically this struck after firming up plans that begin next week. Now I’m doubting myself. Wondering what I’m doing. Why am I here when the weather hasn’t exactly been anything to boast about except for Friday and Saturday and I had bronchitis and am scared that the extremely windy conditions are going to lead pollen straight to my nose and bronchial trachea.

It’s hard to admit loneliness when I have always been so independent but I have always had friends to run to. I’m writing about parts of my life that weren’t the best and do make me depressed but I’m getting paid to do this so…It’s as if non verbal learning disorder is a verboten subject.

It’s not Asperger’s and it’s not bi-polar so who cares? I do. I just didn’t want to be the face of it or the voice or whatever. It makes me problematic. I’m the person people love but just can’t hire. Except for this article and I do feel grateful about that.

Yes people contact me and ask if they can use a post for this and pay me, and they would love to use more. But uh my archives….I’m a compulsive cleaner–the disorder that NLVD or NLD brings had to go somewhere. It went into my archives. I had to teach myself everything. I was my own life coach and it’s not easy. I don’t dissolve into pity parties often. This isn’t one. This is what life’s like with a disorder few people know about, and nobody is going to give me points or a break for having overcome much as the disorder is so invisible. It only hurts me.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the one who almost makes it? What about my feelings? I don’t exist just to cheer others on though I love it when people I know make it. I want to be cheered on. I’m overly honest, I know and am breaking many rules by writing this post

What can anybody do? Banish me from New York to South Carolina?

This isn’t bitterness talking nor is it envy. It’s facts. I’m just a bit too much work and there is always somebody who might not be as talented or might be more, but can put together a perfect package.

I can’t even do a proper outline so I have to write a damn book before shopping it and I don’t want to spend my days and nights immersed in the worst times of my life when I could be listening to beach music in clubs.

I’m older than the person who wrote the book that’s coming out soon and have been telling that story for many many years. I want credit. Or I want to understand why I’m supposed to feel good about inspiring?

What’s in that for me? I’m sorry if this isn’t sportsman like but I have worked damn hard. I’m talented. I want also….And most of all I think a person should have the decency not to hand in a story two weeks after somebody else handed an almost identical one.

That made me feel as if I’m worthless. It was a slap in the face as if I was invisible and hadn’t read two weeks earlier. Only she counts. Push me to the side and pretend I don’t exist.

No this isn’t how Columbines begin. It’s how self-doubt festers and dreams die.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrtYnTFoHMI&hl=en]

If you don’t know Jan’s story, it’s one of the most tragic in all rock history. “Dead man’s curve” is scarily prescient. Dean is 65 if a day and drop dead gorgeous. At least from a distance.

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Mar
27

I was one of the many thousands of girls, in the early-mid 60′s who couldn’t stand being a “good girl.” As I was about thirteen, too young and scared to do anything about my status, this song stood in for me.

It wasn’t one of those annoying sweet songs. And I will take it over present day pop any day.

It broke boundaries. It didn’t sound like any other song. It told a story. The Shangri-Las’ were one of a kind. More like the “angry young men” in British films than the Beatles. I always was a Stones girl

It made me daydream. It made me want a bad boy so badly. That it was by girls from Long Island, not Brooklyn or some place girls were known to be bad only made it that much better.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FxSM88H-G4&hl=en]

Mary Weiss is restarting her career.

I have a CD of early 60′s death songs that has a bonus track; Leader of the Laundromat. I think that’s supposed to make a statement but I have never figured it out.

On Monday I’m having my hair dyed and highlit. For the first time in over 30 years my hair is being touched by somebody who isn’t a good friend. I think that means I’m settling in.

Nov
13

A roar for powerful words

Guatami awarded me this. I thank her.

‘A Roar for Powerful Words’ award was started by Seamus.

The three reasons c.s. listed for awarding this are:

1. the ability to hook – there are writers who are capable of using the right words and arranging them in the right order in the right structure to generate in readers an addiction. has bestowed upon me this award

2. imagery skill – there are those who are so good at creating images with words that it makes you wonder if they already knew how to write when they were still in their mothers’ wombs.
3. the ‘wow’ factor – then there are people who, through their words and stories, just simply ‘wow’ you. it’s like the moment you start reading, you ‘wow’. halfway through your reading, you ‘wow’. at the end of the reading, you ‘wow’. as you think about what you have read, you just ‘wow’, ‘wow’ and ‘wow’.
Guatami added:
1) Impact: Some people have that ability to get across what they want to say in a a forceful manner. Thet can do it with flourish and unintentionally.

2) Beauty: A few have the ability to create beauty in our minds with their sheer use of language. Their words have eloquence.

3) Hooking factor: Then there are those who keep you hooked for more. You want to go on reading their posts.

This is the first blogging award I have taken truly seriously. The above speaks for itself–especially love “flourish and unintentionally. I’m having a hard time adding to this list.

1) Thoughts: Some people express their thoughts with such eloquence and power they shake my thinking up. Or reinforce it.

2) Humor: Without humor we merely exist. I’m in awe of people who can continually make me laugh in blog posts as I find it difficult to impart my humor to paper

3) Passion: true passion incorporates elements of all the above. Passion can be for words, thoughts, causes and much more. Passion makes me want to keep reading. Passion keeps me awake all night. Passion leaves me wanting more. Passion is an essential element. Passion is beauty.

The easiest example is Robert Caro’s The Power Broker It’s easiest for me as it’s a long book that can’t be skimmed or read in a night I canceled all plans and spent the weekend reading it. That was 20something years ago and I still reread it and talk about it.

Strunk & White Elements of Style is a simple book on using words yet is one of the most passionate powerful books I have ever read, reread and still not completely absorbed.

Passion is power. Words are powerful. To use words and be able to make people react is what writing is all about. We forget that in blogging. We want people to react in comments. We go for the easy, the cute, the overtly funny. I can be Al Franken in drag like nobody else. But I don’t really want to be him, and frankly have come to disdain my earnest self. So I’m a renegade blogger who no longer cares about “blogging success” but improving my writing. Writing is the most important thing to me after family, friends and my new obsession with selling my apartment.

The seven bloggers I’m going to give this to will all want to kill me–however all have influenced me in ways big and small. I have watched them grow as writers, bloggers and people. Each uses words uniquely and often brilliantly. Each defines blogging to suit them, not to suit what people say blogging should be.
Cooper
MizBohemia
Bone
Doug
Esoteric Wombat
Jason
Jonathan

Yes I know I was going to give out The Courting’s in January. These are the people who were going to get them, and I might tell the exact reasons in a future post.

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Oct
14

Steven Colbert wrote Maureen Dowd’s column and he claims Frank Rich’s too.
This is the anniversary of my mom’s death and I turn back into a person tomorrow. A person who has to focus on selling an apartment and other realities of life. Will be at blogs during the week.
Can America begin to right a grievous wrong and elect a great president? Draft Gore,

  • Blog Friday
  • Blogfriday
    I have romanticized very few celebrities in my life. That’s not to say I haven’t been caught up in celebritymania, or taken men in my life and made them into celebrities in my own mind. But true celebrities: Alan Bates, Eric Clapton and James Spader. Read more…

    Sep
    19

    Closing comments. Will be home in two weeks. This is a working on book retreat.
    Pia Savage FictionWill return in several weeks. It will be my only post of the week except for public service announcements like the following post. Will try to make my 3WW's light and fun like buggers in his nose

    Here's a link to my interview with Jancee Dunn
    We have so much in common. She's from Jersey. I'm from Long Island. Both home to big hair in the 80's. Both home to rock persona's and great bar bands.
    She writes for Rolling Stone I read it. The person I call Noah used to write poetry in Rolling Stone Unlike me he's a good poet, but and I will say this to his face I might be as good a writer. Gave writing up because when I was about nineteen he told me that I was a better writer than he was Doubt he remembers. Would never want to make him feel guilty as he's a truly good person. He claims to read this blog. Sure. Do know he's proud.
    We were kids. Cooper has Melanie videos. He loved Melanie and Donovan, me not so much. We had a life size cut-up of Donovan. I wasn't sure if we had an apartment or a record store.
    But enough about...

    Jancee was from the land of shag carpets. So was I. Now I'm in the Shag Capital, North Myrtle Beach and this is Shag week. People come from all over to listen to music and dance. They begin early in the morning and go to late at night.

    Jancee was a VJ for MTV1. I watched MTV. My dad starred in a commercial for MTV that I will get out of video and onto DVD and in here. It was a pretty famous commercial at the time--regular people who watch MTV. I knew every person in the series and there wasn't anything regular about any of them. Read more...

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    Sep
    02

    The amazing Cooper had a five things meme. She tagged anybody who commented. I will tag anybody who feels like doing this.
    1 In the interest of blog security I somehow deleted my own blog tool bar. I got it back with one click after countless seconds of wondering.
    2 I would like to have a book published before I can cash in my IRA without a penalty.
    3 I could have for sure, definitely, probably possibly maybe have been in The New York Times today in an article on bloggers interviewing authors. I rejected that interview because the book is called The Late Bloomers Revolution. Late blooming meaning in the 30′s. if the 30′s is late blooming than I’m___? Society is supposed to be going through an ageing revolution. Am I supposed to sit around and make lace doilies?

    Am I being offensive for saying this? I do like shaking things up.

    I know that it’s not sportsman-like, bad karma and more to say what I said above. But damn I’m not ready for the Mick Jagger Home For Wayward People 40+. Neither are any of my friends. If this ruins my karma then it wasn’t real anyway. It’s sad to equate late blooming to 30something when many people now don’t move out of the parental nest until….Isn’t it considered hip to change careers later in life? Here in New York, many people begin searching for a new career in our 40′s and 50′s, simply because retirement is a nice fantasy. Most people do enjoy being productive no matter what age.

    That all said, I would interview any blogger who has a book published even if we don’t happen to get along, or the book praises Bin Laden–well maybe not him, and I have spoken to enough Holocaust revisionists when I was a political blogger to know that they’re just pure scum. Read more…

    Aug
    24

    Grace Paley was an amazing writer. With her death, my parents generation of women writers, arguably comes to a close
    In the 80′s writing workshops were different. They focused more on good writing and less on marketability. I actually enjoyed them. There wasn’t the competitive aura there is now. I had a much published workshop teacher who was always pushing me to submit to the many prestigious lit magazines that seem to have disappeared. Read more…