My new sneakers and sandals!

For my very ill fated vacation, I bought new sneakers. They aren’t like most sneakers. You don’t want to know the cost; or more likely I don’t want to disclose it.

I learned two things. Never buy a pair of sneakers that come with a training cd-rom; and read the directions. These are the only sneakers in the world that you’re not supposed to get very wet. As it rained for the first five days I was away, I couldn’t wear them.

But that was okay as these sneakers have a learning curve. The shoe salesman at Harry’s, a very pricey New York shoe store institution that specializes in “comfortable shoes,” watched me walk. He was very approving. Apparently I walk correctly, with the ball of my heels going down first. I trust the salespeople at Harry’s. They pride themselves on repeat customers and try not to sell shoes that might hurt or otherwise be bad for you.

These sneakers are supposed to rid your body of cellulite, give you incredible posture, help you lose weight, and do a myriad of other things in one month. The problem was that I could only wear them for an hour the first day, they really do exercise the calf, and thigh muscles. I don’t mind that; but I couldn’t stand the vertigo I somehow felt.

Oh let me be real. The same company also sells exercise sandals in black that have a wedge and look great with red toe polish. I justified buying them because they almost look like dress up sandals, and they’re black, and I can justify any shoe purchase if I try–or not-hard enough.

I loved the way they made my calves and thighs feel. I lasted two hours before the vertigo hit.

Maybe if I watch the cd, I would learn some tricks, but really, a cd about how to walk in shoes?

Okay I’m going to watch it on Friday. I’ll let you know if I learn anything exciting. Maybe I’ve been walking incorrectly my entire life and the cd is going to give me the key to a new and better walking style. Maybe I’ll instantly be cellulite free; maybe I’ll have the most incredible legs in town–in another lifetime, perhaps.

And no I won’t ever break down and tell you how much they cost. I won’t even tell you the brand name.

But after I watch that damn cd, I bet I will be a new and improved person. Maybe I’m just resistant to learning new things. Maybe I’m ashamed of buying these shoes that did happen to be the last pair in my size–somebody came in after me and tried taking them from me. Of course, that’s when I really had to have them.

Harry’s doesn’t use plants. They’re always busy and sometimes the salespeople act as if they’re doing you a favor by selling you shoes. The women around me were all a flutter about the great things that they heard about the sneakers and sandals and how they do change peoples lives.

Yes, I bought two pairs of shoes that are supposed to change my life. If one pair changes my life, do two pairs change them doubly? If all these women were so excited about watching me try them on why did only one woman want to buy them? Why were they all buying sensible Clarks and Mephistos? Okay I also bought a pair of pink Mephisto sandals because they were so darn pretty, I just couldn’t resist.

I ended up wearing my pink/black Timberland boots, and my gray and blue teva exercise sandals most of the time. Which kind of was a shame because I brought a suitcase filled with shoes. Like most women, I guess, I love shoes with a passion that I haven’t been able to work up for clothes in years

At the end of the summer if it doesn’t rain every other day, I will let you know if my sneakers and sandals really do make me into a new person.

First though, I have to watch that darn video.