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Age of self help

June 8, 2005 By pia

Last night I was thrown off the Internet and couldn’t get back on until this morning. I actually freaked for about ten minutes–which is ten hours less than I would have last year so I guess I’m making progress. Unanswered emails could wait until this morning; I have been making progress on answering comments and reading blogs. A year ago I barely knew what a blog was, but I had other Internet obsessions.

I’m obsessive/compulsive and have almost every neurosis listed in some article yesterday. The article stated that almost every adult will have some form of neurosis or psychosis in their lifetime. I believe it.

That’s why I hate:

(1) people who think that they’re morally superior and are above being neurotic. They think if everybody acted like them the world would be a better place, and…get over yourselves. You’re probably the people in most need of help.
(2) most self-help books. There isn’t one magic formula that fits most people. A positive attitude is wonderful, but attaining it and keeping it, that can be a killer. Read a letter last week where a woman said that “if people chose to be happy, they will make the right choices and have great lives” Sure that the letter was poorly edited or that the woman left something pivotal out.

We can chose to be happy all we want but if your brain isn’t wired properly, and you’re not in counseling and/or medication, how are the happy neurons supposed to take over? If we have a series of choices how do we know that one is the correct choice? Sure there are some choices that are obviously bad, and others that are obviously great, but what about that great middle?

Positive attitudes are great. Trying to remain in a positive frame of mind 24/7 is nearly impossible

I worry about people who constantly read self help books because if the book tells them what to do, how to do it, and what the results are supposed to be, and the result isn’t achieved people tend to assign self-blame rather than thinking that life isn’t one size fits all shopping.

Life’s about possibilities, and trying out persona’s. Life’s about responsibilities and having no time to try out possibilities and/or persona’s. Life’s about having a great time because it’s so short. Life’s about being selfish, and making time for me, me, me. But then everything will fall apart and you can’t train your two year old to act like an adult. Maybe you could but that kid would turn into one very screwed up adult.

Books tell you that you can have it all; books tell you that you can be selfish and still be a great person; books tell you a lot of things. But they don’t tell you about you because they don’t know you. You’re an individual; not a type picked out of a cookie cutter. Even identical twins don’t have the same thoughts at the same exact time.

If you’ve been waiting for a self-help book on how to be an individual in a time where we’re all supposed to conform to certain standards, your wait is almost over. My book will be out….

Filed Under: mental health

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Comments

  1. Doug says

    June 8, 2005 at 6:52 pm

    Can’t wait for your book. I choose to be eccentric and bitter. Anyone who doesn’t like that can bite me.

  2. When Pigs Sing says

    June 8, 2005 at 6:58 pm

    Great post! As though people can just choose to be happy. OH-kay! I’ve tried to explain that very concept to my husband when I’m in a bad mood. He doesn’t get it.

  3. Tammy says

    June 8, 2005 at 7:12 pm

    I love this post, P.

    I understand wanting to have a positive attitude and trying to find the good things in life. I think that’s important. But I have serious issues with “choosing to be happy”. Every single emotion is important and deserves a name. They are so much of what makes us human. How do we know what happy is if we don’t acknowledge the rest of life? I don’t choose to be “happy”. I choose to feel.

  4. bonnie says

    June 8, 2005 at 7:39 pm

    Whoa. That hit a nerve. The two individuals who have hurt me the worst in life were people who actually bought into that “choosing to be happy” business. “Oh, no, you are not hurting because I did x-and-such to you, you are hurting because you choose to hurt. You poor sad broken thing.”

    I call that a sensitive new-age cop-out.

    Grmf.

    So when can we buy your book?

  5. Skarr says

    June 8, 2005 at 8:06 pm

    I can’t help agreeing with you …

    I’m an aspiring writer and have a book already published, not on self help but a romantic historical fantasy to help people escape the grim reality of their lives for a few moments..

    Nice blog.

  6. Christie says

    June 8, 2005 at 8:36 pm

    I love the layout of your blog

  7. JOE says

    June 8, 2005 at 10:56 pm

    seriously HOT blog! i’m thinking my next format will be specialized and beautiful, but yours is unique…

  8. frstlymil says

    June 9, 2005 at 12:39 am

    You are sooooo very right. Life is so very much an individual series of lessons in trial and error. And I think self help books are about as effective as diet books. That’s what I think, anyway. I am of the believe that we’re all pretty much nuts in our own way, and those that try to get other people to adopt their brand of crazy…are simply exhibiting their brand of crazy. I think it’s like cooking – sometimes we try something that sounds fantastic and it tastes like crap and leaves us sick – other stuff is so fantastic it might become a regular staple. The thing is, that after the terrific fit (don’t you love those? I tend to throw shoes)I need to remind myself to not take myself so damn seriously. Or on the other side of it, to give myself a break and know that the time is perfectly right for wallowing.

  9. sally says

    June 9, 2005 at 1:58 am

    There is some merit in the idea of “Choosing to be happy”…how you choose to respond to stuff. But, there is a lot of stuff that you don’t control…

    So, it seemed like a cop out when friends of people were depressed would say….

  10. Jason says

    June 9, 2005 at 2:43 am

    You’ve got some unique perspectives.

    I host the Philosophical Question of the Day (PQD) Blog. We’re seeking to encourage more diverse voices, so please consider posting comments/answers to the PQD Blog at http://pqd.negativespace.com. If you want to receive notice of new PQDs, please e-mail me at pqd@negativespace.com. Thanks!

  11. CT says

    June 9, 2005 at 5:10 am

    good times

  12. The Heretik says

    June 9, 2005 at 5:31 am

    I want to be an individual just like everyone else .

  13. Library Lady says

    June 9, 2005 at 5:40 am

    Love it, love it.
    You know, if self help books really worked, why would so many keep coming out? You’d think by now our problems would be solved…

    On the other hand, I always tell moms at the library that if there was a set of instructions for bringing up all kids there wouldn’t be so many books on childrearing!

    I guess there are a lot of books out there that can help SOME of the people. And it can be very comforting to know that you’re not alone out there with your problems. There just isn’t one single book to cure any single problem for everyone who has it!

  14. Mona says

    June 9, 2005 at 11:03 am

    You crack me up. It’s like Monty Python’s “Life of Brian” when he says, “You are all individuals” and the massive crowds all repeat it in unison. I agree with you, and then, of course, I still think that some of the self-help books do still help people…so hey, it’s worth it to some folks to keep writing them and keep reading them…heck, wait ’til you see my blog…you’ll see I’m still trying to give the world anything that might be of help 🙂

  15. Mona says

    June 9, 2005 at 11:06 am

    p.s. my take on “choosing to be happy”? Is not a cop-out for opeople who have wronged others to say, “hey, you’re choosing to hurt.” However, it’s supposed to be a powerful statement for people to say, “Yeah, I hurt, and I also choose to be happy in spite of it because other people do not get to rule my life.” But, I can totally see everyone’s point, and it’s all about how it works for each of us. the end.

  16. kyknoord says

    June 9, 2005 at 11:16 am

    Damn! I hope your book doesn’t come out too soon. I rather enjoy being a conformist. Great post, BTW.

  17. Jeans Mommy says

    June 9, 2005 at 7:48 pm

    I couldn’t agree more! I felt like I could have almost written your post.

  18. jelly bean says

    June 9, 2005 at 8:46 pm

    I TOTALLY agree with what you are saying. Reminds me of the commercial about the blondes…where everyone has the blonde wigs on and look almost exactly alike. That would be progress, wouldn’t it??? Not!!

  19. Chadira says

    June 9, 2005 at 8:49 pm

    I laughed out loud. Thank you. You know, there’s a name for that brand of self-help book/attitude, those people have been branded ‘white light Nazi’s’ by some… Like they want to euthanize any of us that don’t fit the prozac-smile..
    Well, you’ve been reading the wrong books.. Don’t take any notice.
    Just love and accept it all anyway, regardless, faults and all. Love and acceptance is what sorts things out, and you know, you don’t have to put on a smiley face to be able to do that.

  20. zydeco fish says

    June 10, 2005 at 7:30 am

    I have to say that I’ve never read a self-help book. Maybe I have yet to find the right one.

  21. BlogCruiser says

    June 10, 2005 at 5:22 pm

    Nice post! The individual is what it is all about and you’re so right there is no one size that fits all in my opinion either. I think at times we just want things to be simpler.

    While reading your post it made me ponder, what if there was never anything that made me sad, mad, frustrated, depressed or completely stressed. Where would I be? Would it be a utopia or just the opposite? If I didn’t have all of these feelings how would I ever know what happy, glad, content, estatic, elated or relaxed were? I wouldn’t understand happy if I was never sad etc. All of these feelings, ideas, desire are part of being human. We need them and probably wouldn’t live very full lives with out feeling all the feelings. So thanks for the post and thinking out loud for all of us to hear!

  22. Hammertime says

    June 11, 2005 at 11:20 am

    Pia,
    I’m clearly morally superior but also neurotic. Where do I fall?

    I missed reading your blog. I’m glad I was able to stop by today (tonight, I guess).

  23. Pia says

    June 11, 2005 at 6:19 pm

    Hammer,
    you fall into the morally superior garden variety neurotic range

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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