Just heard an ad for Moses Asch’s Folkway Collection. Every recording he has made is in the Smithsonian and can now be downloaded. Omigod I lived with a man who made two records for Folkways and can be forever downloaded. The future is here. Soon all our lives will be available forever somewhere.
Should think of a good name for the bum. After all this time, I no longer blame him for every problem that’s happened to me, or to the world.
Things I loved about the bum, in the beginning:
He cared about the world
He was compassionate
He had a sense of humor–though not the best sense of humor I have known in a man I lived with
He was adorable
We looked like each other
He told me the worse joke that I have ever heard, and I couldn’t stop laughing
He was filled with schemes and grandiose plans.
He borrowed $10 from the first man I had ever loved to take me out
He had two albums out before he was 25
His song lyrics were exceptional, she thought when in much lust
The first man I had ever really loved and a singer then just called Lucinda played matchmakers.
He adored my family
He made me see The Jerk
Underneath it all, he was the sexiest man I have ever known
He made me feel like the most beautiful sexiest woman in the world, ever.
He loved my friends, especially Lucia.
He tolerated double dating with Shelby. This wasn’t usual.
He introduced me to some really cool people.
He was from New Orleans, and he was Jewish. This was very important to my parents.
I knew a girl he had gone to high school with. We both hated her. My dad knew this girl’s father and grandfather and hated them.
He loved my family, and liked spending time with them more than I did.
He was very sexy.
He was a rebel rocker/folkie
He introduced me to the music of Tom Waits, and actually exchanged phone calls with him
Sex was magical.
He so believed in me.
He cared about my opinions.
He made me feel safe.
We could spend days alone together and never get bored
He tried to make me stop feeling guilty about everything.
We looked like we belonged together.
Sex was incredible.
He let the world know how he lusted for me.
I’m trying to put this story together in a coherent narrative because it deserves to be told languidly and with truth. He has a name. I can no longer call him the bum because I only called him that as a defense.
When I found out that he had killed himself, I went around for days, maybe weeks or months boring everybody with “I’m the bitch who killed…”
I wasn’t of course. People kill themselves out of a despair I can’t really imagine. Intellectually I understand that, but when you loved somebody, almost had his baby and then devoted a good part of your life too hating him, it’s hard to seperate yourself.
Bear with me while I work this out. This story is long,and I feel a responsiblity to tell it properly.
I might take breaks from it, and finally tell the story of how I became a charm school dropout. A couple of weeks ago I demonstrated for Lucia the proper way to bend down. Both knees creaked. Yeah we’re getting older. But we have had more interesting lives than Britney and Lindsey. Really.
I’m going to be away for a couple of weeks, but will have laptop. Then there is the first ever Savage family reunion. I just know that fave sis will tell everybody I have a blog and it’s called Courting….And then I’ll feel funny talking about them. But I will.
I’m trying to think of a good name for the bum; it has to be a ’50’s name; and suitable for a New Orleans Jew. This is the kind of detail that bogs me down, and stops me from actually getting to a second draft and submitting my work places. Open to all suggestions.
i think i’m in love… your bum sounds so much like my David. (ok you *have* change that name, cos that sounded REALLY weird!)
it is weird with relationships where they perhaps should’t have ended… of course i don’t know the story here yet, so i can’t say, but i know its going to be a sad story, or maybe sad is the wrong word, but a story that maybe didn’t play out right.
Tell it however you want, there is no one truth and no *right* way to tell it. have a lovely time with the savages (hehe)…
How about “Seth” for a name?
This was a gorgeous piece, and made me walk down memory lane even though I didn’t really want to go down that road. That’s what good writing can do to a person, I guess.
Have a good weekend, and careful of your knees.
Sudiegirl
http://musingsofachick.blogspot.com
Yeah, he doesn’t sound like a bum anymore. There was a Jewish character in a movie in which John Goodman played former Louisiana Governor Huey P. Long. The line I remember is “I love a Jew that don’t change his name.”
According to IMDB, Seymour Weiss.
Seymour?
Oh and have a great vacation.
Georgous piece, Pia. Enjoy your vacation. Casting my vote for the replacement name of Issac. Always thought that was a sexy name.
Oh how sad. There are ex-boyfriends that I would love to kill but..seriously though that must have been a shock, though I think you told me this before? Anyway have a great family time!
nice.
You have such a knack for taking people who’ve meant something to you, and sharing what made them special.
Pia-
Sounds like a pretty good guy. After all, he made you watch “The Jerk,” which is a pretty great movie no matter what anyone else thinks!
Maybe you could call him Navin.
Have a restful vacation and reunion.
Your writing is beautiful Pia! You have the rare ability to take others down memory lane, remember their own lives, and sympathize with yours. I hope you have an awesome vacation!
Great post, Pia. I have plenty of exes that I could make a list of wonderful memories and qualities. That doesn’t mean they don’t go down in history as miserable, rotten creeps, but there were good moments. I love the way you embrace all of your experiences, good or bad.
Have a great vacation!
How about the Cajun Rabbi? Sounds like an SNL character. Or if you’re going toward the ’50s angle, there’s always Ira Presley. 🙂
For something short and sweet you could dub him “Levi”, a Hebrew name which means “attached” or “united”. Seems fitting. Also, it reminds me of Levi jeans…and even though jeans were invented in the 1800s, they were worn primarily for work and only became popular leisure wear in the ’50s.
“Running out to get “The Jerk”.
Great write pia.
Enjoy yourself.
I don’t know about the name Pia, but I am glad that you are going to have a lap top. That should keep me from going into withdrawls…Jane is gone too! I hope you have a great time with the family and I hope that they don’t find out about the blog. I think it makes it so much harder when you know family members are checking in. Have a great time and watch out for mold. 🙂
Very nice. I’m looking forward to reading the story as you unfold it, and I like the name Isaac, as well. Or Howard.
That so brings back memories, but my bum was a much lower class bum than yours. Just think, you may have been his muse and were responsible for some of the music that people will be downloading! Excellent post, as always.
When I was in school (I think it was first grade) there was a kid in my class named “Elijah.” Had thick curly black hair and long eyelashes. Never saw him again after that year, so I assumed his parents moved or he went to a private school.
I probably would have had a crush on him in later years, he was that cute.
Probably Jewish too. No one in NC back then named their kids “Elijah.”
Then he killed himself?
Are you sure he was honest to God whilst he was still doing all the best to make you happy and he was miserable inside?
He did not love you enough to tell you the truth?
You sure he ever loved you?
Or he just played the romantic lead out of his own script and he already knew the last chapter.
He is done and gone.
The world lost a gem.
He left you blank.
You must have had a blackout!
In fact, it was like a TKO.
You must have been totally dazed and fazed.
You owe him an epitaph?
Publish or perish the thought.
And walk out of the nightmares of the past.
Life goes on.
Please, get on and be happier than ever before.
You deserve a better life.
Suicide is never anyone’s fault, even the person who committed it, because usually there is some sort of mental illness that prompts the motive.
On that note, though, I can understand how you feel. Although there was one boyfriend that I wanted to kill, myself, since he wouldn’t leave me alone after I broke up with him, I would be pretty shocked if I found out that one of my “formers” had died, especially in such a tragic way.
I’m listening to George Michael sing “Jesus to a Child” as I write this, and I do feel for you as far as this last love is concerned. It must have been shocking and sad to hear of the suicide and wonder what might have been, what moved him to do that, etc.
To me, that’s a good sign that you’ll find someone wonderful and worthy of you.
Hang in there…
Sudiegirl
Wow.
I see you’ve picked a name for him already.
What an amazing post. Sorry so disjointed, I’m just trying to take it all in.