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The least cool person in the world speaks

July 18, 2005 By pia

If there was a contest for the “world’s most uncool person,” I would so easily win. An example: I still buy Cd’s; almost called them records, that shows even more.

I worked in the old Paramount Building when Tower Records first opened. The Paramount Building had been the Gulf & Western building most of my life, easily distinguishable by the weird and unremarkable sort of sculpture, on the top, that I believe was supposed to symbolize the world. The Paramount Theatre was underground, and it was easy to sneak out for a long lunch and see a movie.

Spent my lunches at Tower where I should have had my paychecks deposited. My father came to my apartment once, shook his head, and told me that adults didn’t listen to that much music. This adult did, and does. I still love Cd’s; many people think records have more depth, but I will sacrifice that for feeling as if I’m one with the music.

Don’t download music; don’t own an MP3 player. This is what makes me so uncool. When I found myself heading for Tower after lunch with Lucia and Little Luce, the world’s most beautiful teenager, I thought I would be the only person buying Cd’s. I wasn’t and found that shocking.

I was looking for a specific CD and totally blanked out on the name of the group, and the songs. Okay, that wins me the most uncool award. The Tower staff is supposed to be angst ridden and unfriendly. Though that has never been my experience. But there’s always a first time. (Expecting things to go wrong isn’t uncool; it’s Woody Allen NY neurotic. Okay that’s truly uncool.)

This was my imaginary conversation with a clerk who looked like Marilyn Manson, and could have been male or female. Marilyn Manson’s so yesterday. Add more points to my lack of cool.

Me: “I’m looking for a CD”

Pause because I have no idea what I’m saying. The genderless clerk just stares at me as if I’m a creature from another planet. This makes me babble.

“They were at The Bowery Ballroom on Tuesday, and are giving a concert at the South Street Seaport tonight, but it looks like it’s going to be thunder storming. Damn August weather in July.”

The clerk looks at me as if I’m certifiable. Since I probably am, I go on:
“You know, no you wouldn’t nor should you, I only like one song on that CD, why do I want to buy it? Darn that’s what downloading is for, and I do need an MP3 player, however….”

Back in the real world, a clerk, of the male gender, smiled at me and said:
“You have an infectious smile. Must have been thinking very happy thoughts.”

“No, actually, I was thinking about what to buy.”

For the record, I bought:

John Hiatt; “Master of Disaster”
John Prine: “Fair and Square”
The Subdudes “Annunciation”
Solomon Burke “Soul of the blues”

Love being so uncool; love it. And I wouldn’t know what to do with the special CD shelves I had made on my amazing one-of-a-kind wall unit. Okay, I lose few uncool points for that. But just a few.

Filed Under: New York Stories Tagged With: New York Stories

« Four days in July
Lucia and Pia walk up Lafayette Street and can’t even do that without one of us getting into trouble »

Comments

  1. mulligan says

    July 18, 2005 at 5:43 am

    Don’t feel bad. I don’t own an MP3 player, either. Still can’t think of a good reason to buy one, either. I also still buy CDs. I usually know what performer/group I want to buy but I can’t think of the record. I mean CD. Gah!

  2. Lady Penelope says

    July 18, 2005 at 7:06 am

    Don’t bother with the downloading–buy the records! I thought i’d solved my space considerations, but suddenly I’m having trouble with I-tunes and their customer support appears to be non-existent. And I-tunes saves them such that I can’t seem to get any other software to play them.

  3. Jackie says

    July 18, 2005 at 8:09 am

    Hi, thanks for commenting on my blog. Don’t worry, I also am very uncool, in fact almost the epitomy of uncool. That’s the way it goes…rejoice in nerdiness!

  4. christie says

    July 18, 2005 at 9:56 am

    Yes, but at least you aren’t a giant klutz and don’t blurt crap out at inappropiate times like me… hehe.
    Not being up to snuff on the latest technology is not a factor in “coolness.”
    At least I don’t think so.

  5. JC says

    July 18, 2005 at 1:53 pm

    Now wait, I thought you were so way cool….jesh! 🙂

    Jc

  6. BeckEye says

    July 18, 2005 at 3:22 pm

    I still buy CDs. iPods are too expensive!

    Anyone who likes John Hiatt is cool with me.

  7. Lauren says

    July 18, 2005 at 5:05 pm

    Love love John Prine. Don’t worry, you’re still cool… you should see how many cds I’ve got around this joint, and I don’t own an mp3 player (unless you count a computer) and you took that MIT survey too? Wasn’t that fun?

  8. trine says

    July 18, 2005 at 5:20 pm

    i think this sums up why the music industry, with their insane policies on piracy, have got it wrong. people will still buy records. full stop.

    I am lucky. my husband-musician buys the records and I get to play them at home then move them onto my iPod and take out with me. best of both words.

  9. Kristyn Marie says

    July 18, 2005 at 8:15 pm

    I buy CD’s and don’t own an iPod, they cost too much. I usually just put the CD’s on my Windows Media Player so I can listen to them while on the web. I generally buy the least cool stuff on the shelves. I read that Norah Jones isn’t cool on a blog once, but I love her! I found myself trying to explain Jann Arden to a clerk once by singing “Insensitive” to her. It was so sad!

    Kristyn Marie

  10. Pat Kirby says

    July 18, 2005 at 9:02 pm

    I think I’ve got everyone beat–no cell phone.

  11. Doug says

    July 18, 2005 at 10:35 pm

    I’m calling you out, Pia. I’m way uncooler than you. You live in Manhattan, I live in Santa Clarita. Game over.

    And I used to love John Hiatt until he became the soundtrack to a breakup.

  12. Bone says

    July 19, 2005 at 12:16 am

    Finally, a place where I can freely admit that I don’t own an iPod, don’t have an mp3 player, and still purchase and listen to CD’s, without suffering inexorable ridicule.

    Thanks 🙂

    PS: Wow, no cell phone. That was a good one, Pat.

  13. lisa says

    July 19, 2005 at 12:58 am

    cool! you have inspired my next post about records. good stuff.

  14. Janet says

    July 19, 2005 at 1:07 am

    I havent bought a cd in so long. I used to spend so much money on them though. I couldnt imagine going back now. I don’t know what I’d do.:(

  15. thatoldsoul says

    July 19, 2005 at 4:08 am

    Considering some mp3’s are indistuingishable from the CD, i am very highly in favor of digital audio.

    I still prefer albums to all digital, but still don’t write off a digital audio player UNLESS you are an audiophile.

  16. Dani says

    July 19, 2005 at 6:13 am

    John Prine?
    I’ve maybe run into 3 people who knew who he was…

    You are cool in my book!

    As far as downloading is concerned, I’m far to impatient and lazy…I’d rather save myself the trouble and buy it.

  17. matt says

    July 19, 2005 at 6:23 am

    it’s cool to be uncool nowadays. well done

  18. sally says

    July 19, 2005 at 7:37 am

    MP3 Player is so nifty…

    Too cool to ever be uncool!

    Oh and such hubris!!!!!!!!!!

  19. Random Personae says

    July 19, 2005 at 8:08 am

    Really? It’s uncool to by CDs? No-no-no, I disagree. We are in the new age of great albums and out of the age where there are 2 good songs and 8 that are crap. But you won’t hear any of these great albums on commercial radio…if you know where to look, you will find plently of really cool people who buy CDs (whole albums, that is) because they actually love and understand music.

  20. andrena says

    July 19, 2005 at 8:52 am

    Hey Pia! I’m cool and confused! I download tons of music that I have scattered all over in different files, don’t have an MP3 player, buy CD’s and can’t keep track of them…

    I’m just a mess….lol!

  21. Clay says

    July 19, 2005 at 11:06 am

    I didn’t read most of the comments, so forgive me if I’m a tad redundant in my comment… but I’ve got my MP3 player and I buy CDs to fill it up. Almost 5,000 songs now… and I have all the CDs, artwork and liner notes to prove it! It’s so uncool, that its becoming the new underground!

  22. trine says

    July 19, 2005 at 3:37 pm

    gratulerer med dagen, pia!

  23. Pia says

    July 19, 2005 at 6:55 pm

    That’s Norwegian for Happy Birthday! Thanks Trine

    My CD’s never get put back into their box–but the boxes look good in the shelves.

  24. bonnie says

    July 20, 2005 at 12:11 am

    I’m even worse – I have a tape player & I can’t remember the last time I bought a tape (oh, wait, it may have been Poi Dog Pondering a few years back…).

    No T.V. – if I had one of those, I seriously doubt I’d be blogging!

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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