I’m on vacation. But blogland is uncharted territory, and I enjoy being part of the map we are all making. However today (Tuesday) is my last day here, and tomorrow is my first day there. So I won’t be answering comments for a few days; however I will answer them and love getting them! Not being mysterious about my trip; just don’t talk about things until they are over, usually. Though I always break my own rules. At heart I am an anarchist, but a very polite one.
Do talk about the family reunion which is being held the weekend I come back. I am scared! But I know that with all of you, fave sis, fave bro-in-law, and one of our two first cousins on my father’s side of the family, I will not only survive but maybe enjoy it.
May 5 was Zachary’s birthday
With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.
You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas.
You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.
You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable.
Your mind is quick, clever and analytical.
A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine.
You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility
Read in a musician’s website that Zachary was a very good friend, and a bad musician. I thought that he wasn’t great at friendship, but wrote some damn good lyrics. Steve Earl meets Woody Guthrie meets Billy Bragg. Zachary repeated words, sentences, and thoughts much too often.
“Zach-ery,” I would shriek, “can’t you ever just express yourself like a normal person? Do you have to smoke so much pot? And f–k you if you didn’t leave me any.”
Zachery had many schemes and plans. He had no self-discipline; no ability to follow through on his plans. Here’s where I confess that I was a mess. Excelled at my job; excelled at looking pretty, and screwed up everywhere else. Places I’m not ready to go back to.
First we lived in Zachary’s apartment. It was a storefront on Fifth Street off the Bowery. I knew the East Village well. My high school boyfriend lived on Saint Marks Place. I know if I do this I have to begin with him, and skip on-and-off college boyfriend, husband for a quick second. Why? He’s not part of the darkness or the horror. In his own strange way he brought light and normalcy into my life. So did Zachary, but it was different for he ended up making me confront the demons though not in the way he wanted to. And he wanted much for us. Roared into my life, this boy/man who told everybody he was a high school school drop out but had gone to private school and spent two years at the University of New Orleans.
July 19 is my birthday
Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path.
But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated.
A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life.
This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.
You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.
You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well.
Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences.
The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married.
You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.
Oh God, this is all so amazingly true. I am scared to even begin analyzing it. But my fear is of demons past; my life is very different now. How many horrible experiences, false starts, abrupt endings, new landscapes did it take to get me where I am now? Too many I’m afraid.
I hate to go back to the dark places. Yet how can I talk about Zachary, and make myself appear angelic, or sweet or better than he was? Yes I appeared angelic; but Zachary was kind of adorable. My sister used to call us Raggedy Anne and Raggedy Andy–for our small not very Jewish noses, deep set but large eyes and other features.
But I will continue: a couple of lines each night. You are my audience and my co-authors; you are helping me tell my story. Without you, I would be too scared. So thank you all. In blogging there is safety; you are the net, and you will tell me if I go too far or don’t go far enough.