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let's not get bored of trying to help

October 12, 2005 By pia

Bonnie of frogma wrote let’s not get bored of trying to help

Think it’s one of the best lines that I have ever read. You know the places to go to help

If you don’t know Ken and Common Sense; Ken, well Ken makes sense. Like his blog so much I think I blogrolled it twice. He has Cranky’s new video on his sidebar

Doug of Waking Ambrose will be on Bring it on! on Friday. Doug’s site is another must read, and it’s mind expanding. Have to say that one of my funniest lines ever is in my intro to Doug’s piece. At least I think so.

I can’t say enough about Belinda’s interview on Bring it on

And when I talk about gay men; and ask why they think straight women want to spend all their time at gay bars rather than meeting straight men, I say it as a woman who adores men–gay, straight or asexual.

There is nothing wrong with being gay. Most boys don’t wake up one morning and think:
“I’m bored. Let me try being gay today.”

NO NO NO

I have had gay friends all my life; I have gay relatives–my mom’s side; not immediate family–to any family members who might be lurking. This isn’t the time or the place to go into what makes a person homosexual but I have been around long enough to know how most boys struggle with it

TOO MANY GAY MEN DIED BECAUSE INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON RESEARCHING AIDS WE BLAMED THEM.

Well I never did but…it was horrible when my friend, Patrick was in his last months, he could only watch TV.

The same anchors and reporters who in 1986 couldn’t talk enough about AID because it had become fashionable went to places like Howard Beach Queens and interviewed parents who wouldn’t let their kids go to school because a seven year old gay boy might use a public toilet; actually I believe it was a kid who contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion. They were genuinely sympathetic to these parents. They didn’t go back to the studio and say “this is how AID is contracted, blah blah blah.”

AND WE KNEW HOW AIDS WAS TRANSMITTED BY THEN; YES WE DID

Do you know how sick that made me?

I haven’t watched local news since. Found out that I wasn’t missing anything

I didn’t want this to be a political post; but it’s 2005; we should have known better in 1985.

If I make fun of gay men it’s with love; I earned that right as I nursed six men through their final days.

It was most difficult with Patrick as he was the first and my very best friend. And I wasn’t there for his very last days; that did haunt me for awhile, but I learned.

By the time Larry Easton died in 1990; I could spend his last days helping him put his affairs in order–and lie in bed with him. That’s right we slept in the same bed two days before he died. Well actually we were making fun of our friends, and Larry had to stay in bed, so I stayed in bed with him.

And yes I have been tested as all sexually active people should be. You don’t catch AID S by sleeping in the same bed; you catch HIV by transmission of body fluids; you don’t catch AIDS from using a toilet.

Larry Easton was a poor Black boy who came from Alabama, and actually lived the American dream. He died owning a large luxury duplex on West 85th Street, and left much money for the care of his mentally challenged brother. Do you know how hard a person has to work to be able to afford a large luxury duplex with a terrace on the Upper West Side? And that was before the days banks virtually gave mortgages away. There weren’t mortgage brokers or zero percent down mortgages; actually when Larry and his lover bought the duplex interest rates were in the double digits.

Neither Patrick nor Larry deserved their deaths. Homosexuality isn’t a sin or a lifestyle choice. But again, I’m not about to go into that now.

My friends’s sickness’s did change me. I went from being a spoiled bitch who thought a major crisis was not being able to tame my frizzy hair to being an SSI Claims Rep to a Social Worker.

I changed my life because I realized that people needed to work in the system in order to help change it.

While I think many parts of the 80’s ended in 1985, it officially ended for me on January 20something 1991 when I went to work for Social Security.

So I can ask this question:

What have you done to help try to make society better?

Go to Cranky’s site, Bring it on, and/or Ken’s site to see the newest Cranky/Bastard video. I’m damn proud to know them.

I began this post in a very good mood, gave into some anger, and maybe that’s a good or bad thing. If you’re homophobic, we at Courting consider you to be in the same category as racists.

Filed Under: mental health Tagged With: Aging

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Comments

  1. Doug says

    October 12, 2005 at 11:00 pm

    Good post. I’ll answer your question when I think of something.

    And amazing post in Bring It On! Belinda’s a great find and the questions were perfect. I can think of a dozen or more professional interviewers who should be fired and replaced with a Pia.

  2. cooper says

    October 13, 2005 at 2:18 am

    I don’t have any reasons for liking gay men but it probably stemmed from the fact that my father is an architect and my mother originally a painter and there were always a few gay people around, usually smarter and more interesting than others that and one of my smartest, most talented and hottest best friends from when I moved to Maryland is gay and yes I do feel safe around them plus they tend to tell it like it is.

    As for what I have done to make society better probably nothing but I do belong to a few groups at school that do their best, I un-joined several due to the fact that the rhetoric was more pronounced than the actions and I do give a lot of money on a month basis to women for women, doctors without borders and have done one stint with habitat for humanity. I certainly hope to do more in the future when I am freer to travel the world and give actually physical help in places such as Darfur. Africa where aids is spreading at a phenomenal rate.

    This really is not big deal in the end I think because I come from a family that started us off working at rescue missions during the holidays; it was just expected that we would give to the community or the world in some way. Despite my family’s sometime outward appearance of extreme upper middle class elitism they instilled a lot of both civic and global responsibility in me while at the same time letting me know that I did not have to feel guilty about having it as one must give with a free not a guilt ridden heart and mind.

    Your interview was great btw. I think everyone should interview everyone online that would be awesome an foster a global movement of some kind.

  3. Melissa says

    October 13, 2005 at 7:27 am

    I really love your blog! It makes me really think about my life and my stories and work.

    I am a public defender. There are more days than not that I hate what I do and I actively dislike the people tha tI represent. But I play an integral role in the criminal defense system and try to give a voice to people that don’t have one for whatever reason.

  4. digibrill says

    October 13, 2005 at 1:06 pm

    I know the bible says not to brag about what you do, but here goes: I am planning on giving my time to a mission to Malawi team to produce a Web site for them for free, I recently gave to hurricane relief (to an affected friend and to the Red Cross), and I also give to my church’s missions. There’s a lot more I could do though. I think I veer toward helping with my talents like with the Web thing so I don’t have to be involved in any public speaking or leadership stuff. I really don’t have any time off, but my wife and I do give when we are led to.

  5. keisha says

    October 13, 2005 at 3:19 pm

    nice to see you again! I haven’t been around awhile, i’m in quite a negative state.

    just wanted to say hi

    ~tastyk

  6. Joe Snitty says

    October 13, 2005 at 5:29 pm

    Little things, mostly. The lion’s share of the time my wife and I have definitely goes to work and family.

    My available time is all at the very beginning of the day and the very end, so the most productive thing I can do is to either pass information along or to write to legislators. Recent causes: election reform, Patriot Act repeal, gay rights, separation of church/state, drug law reform, and anti-war activism.

    One little thing I’m very proud of: my wife and I convinced my father-in-law to vote in the 2004 election. He’s in his mid-50s and it was the first time he ever voted.

    We also donate to humanitarian causes – JDRF, March of Dimes, Red Cross, and the local women’s shelter, to name a few.

  7. Lisa says

    October 13, 2005 at 7:22 pm

    i live my life simply, and with compassion. kindness is my religion. it isn’t much, but it is sometimes all i can do.
    my uncle died of AIDS in the 80’s. i was too young to understand why our family only whispered about it, creeping about in shame. i see why now, though i will never truly understand.

  8. WellyBog says

    October 13, 2005 at 9:07 pm

    What you’re really talking about here is prejudice, isn’t it.

    Unfortunately many countries are riddled with various prejudices – unfortunately America more so than most.

    As I have become older, I have found myself worrying less about others and just concentrating on being the best I can be. That’s a very cynical view, and quite sad, but it’s the truth.

  9. ken grandlund says

    October 14, 2005 at 12:03 am

    Thanks for the plug Pia- and yes, prejudice is the issue-

    But prejudice is just an extension of being ignorant (not stupid, just uninformed or uninterested in being informed)

    Too many people are willing to walk the line fed to them without really thinking empathetically about others.

    We just need to keep exposing this kind of thinking for the fraudulent nonsense that it is!

  10. joe m says

    October 14, 2005 at 3:24 am

    I have figured out why I love your writing.

    Your weight is constantly smooshed up against human downfalls, intelligently focused on identifying symptom, cause and cure.

    (this is in NO way meant to be a reference to physical weight, I would like to think I know better when it comes to women and posting via the internets.)

    🙂

  11. joe m says

    October 14, 2005 at 3:25 am

    oh and l’chaim!

  12. Pamela Heywood says

    October 14, 2005 at 3:37 am

    Another great post Pia and one I can relate to because I have a very good friend who is gay – the only man I have ever – successfully – been able to live under the same roof with! 🙂

    Whilst I agree that prejudice is the problem, caused by ignorance, I think the real issue here is the education system. Real education that teaches people solid facts and encourages them to think, seems to have died with the dinosaurs.

    All they seem to get these days is govermnent fed lines that appear designed to keep them dumb and under control. Would I accuse any government of deliberately allowing or not discouraging these ignorance-caused rifts between people – so that they are too busy to rise up against those in power?

    Well, yup.

  13. bonnie says

    October 14, 2005 at 4:02 am

    Finally a quiet moment at the end of a quiet day at work (everyone’s out atoning)-

    Thanks for the quote & the link. I had put up a very frivolous post yesterday but I moved the one with the links to Doctors Without Borders and Red Cross/Crescent back to the top – think I’ll let it stay up there for a while.

    Hope we’ve seen the last of the horrible natural disasters for 2005.

    What have I done to make society better?

    Um. Well just for starters I’ve gotten into the habit of giving. I give to my schools, I give to the MS people, and additionally give money everytime I hear about a disaster (how American is that, that my knee-jerk response is to throw money at it? But if the money is thrown in the right direction I do believe it can help).

    I write to politicians when I think they’re being horrible.

    I write to anyone who might be willing to read when I think I have something that might show people a different side of the story (did I mention I loved Belinda’s interview? Talk about a different side of the story – hers was great).

    Then there are the stupid little things – I don’t even do these ALL the time, figure it’s better to do little things at a maintainable level than try to change the world for a week then get burned out – Steer right-wing relatives to Snopes.com when they send right-wing diatribes (like that Jane Fonda one or the one about how Target only gives to gays and feminists) in hopes that they’ll start looking at these things a little more skeptically instead of just automatically sending it on to further foment our much-touted deep divisions. Buy books at independent bookstores. Use a canvas shopping bag instead of plastic. Read books by & about other people in other parts of the world. Buy free-range chicken & organic milk instead of Perdue & Tucsan (they taste better anyways). Etc. etc. etc.

    My main “thing” in life, though, seems to be sharing with as many people as I possibly can just how incredibly beautiful I find our planet to be & how important it is to respect & treasure what we have.

    Cripes, I am full of myself, aren’t I. Thhhbt.

    Still, I think at some level that’s what the kayaking and sailing and now the blogging are about. Just different ways of saying “Look how utterly incredible this all is!” If I get somebody to look at the Hudson and go “wow” – that’s a good day.

    I have a good friend from college -he’s the one who got me to move to NY, and he and I used to go out on Thursday nights, drink G&T’s & figure out how to solve the world’s problems. Of course the solutions never made it out of the bar, and he moved back to Oregon (boy, I need to call him, haven’t talked in ages).

    At this point in my life I guess I’ve given up on actually solving anything – I’m not that fantastic a person – but I would bet that if you had some way to measure the net effect of all these little sustainable things that I try to do against the net effect of all that grandiose gin-fueled theorizing – I bet the former would outweigh the latter by a lot.

    Speaking of net effects, I was gonna go buy foaming insulation to prop up my kayak seat tonight and I went and did a diatribe instead. Oh well. Bet the stuff wouldn’t set up in this humidity anyhow. 😀

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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