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Let me never write about being adopted

March 14, 2006 By pia

“Adoption is a form of domestic terrorism.” -Reverend Ruth Peterson

Right and my parents were slave owners. Can’t remember if I read that in this site or another one. Does it matter?

Have been unnerved ever since I researched a post on abortion, which I believe in. No, not because any of this hits home but because it’s so far from the truth.

Took down a post that was so angry it didn’t make sense, even to me, the princess of non-linear thinking. Right I’m adopted. So I lie, exhibit anti-social behavior traits, am a potential serial killer or parent killer.

Be scared of me; very scared of me, I might just kill you if I don’t like your answer. Or I might come into your school and do a Columbine. Or I might kill myself–preferably before killing your kids.

Unfortunately I’m don’t exhibit anti social traits, have never had any real desire to kill anybody including myself. Kind of like being alive. And I’m honest to a fault; always have been. Know every diagnosis in the DSM-1V, read it every night for half an hour, for a year and a half when I was in grad school.

Yes I might have a few things listed, and imagined I had many more. Most people do when they’re studying.

Actually read it for a number of years often. Though I took the licensing exam for clinical social work while still in school, I took post grad classes in geriatric psychopathology, so I”m way familiar with the problems of the aged; and to know the problems of the aged, you have to know the problems of the young and middle aged. An elderly schizophrenic with some dementia, might exhibit less signs of schizophrenia, but still is.

Erik Erikson’s eight stages of development lasted from infancy through old age. He and Robert Butler have always been my gerentology idols, and Butler did things like make medical students take classes at the 92nd Street Y with older people. This is so far off the subject of adoption, but much more fun for me. Butler also made Alzheimzers disease a national research priority when he was at the National Institute of Mental Health–the NIMH also serves as a great source for info on “mental disorders.”

I have worked with too many people who had Alzhemizers not to be scared to death of it. I’m much more scared of developing early dementia than any other mental disorder. Actually I’m kind of phobic about it. Don’t let myself think about it, but…

Neither of my parents became demented, though my dad was crazy, and I mean that in a wonderful way, and it could have been hard to tell. Though really only my sister, I, and a few close friends of my mom’s know that she was sharper than most 40 year olds because she was blind, and had become fearful and dependent.

It hurt so much to watch. My mom and I had always been exceptionally close, and the five years before her death were the worst of my life. She was incredibly sharp, and had a great sense of humor but my mom was independent. Having to become dependent on people, an aide the last year for four hours a day five days a week, which helped so much, but getting her to do it was hard.

She didn’t want my sister or I to move in with her, but she wanted us, in constant touch. Me especially. Cell phones are the true eighth wonder of the world; mine enabled me to have a life.

She was my mother, my only real mother, and she would have done anything for me. Anything. And my dad, well he dis say the first time I went to Europe by myself at 20 that he wanted to get on the plane, and parachute off halfway through the Atlantic. My dad was scared of both heights and ocean waves. Other than that, it was a plan.

The thing is he would have done it. In three weeks he will have died fifteen years ago. He had been such a presence in my and many peoples lives, that I never really missed him. But the stories are beginning to fade just a bit; and I have to get them down. Just have to.

And I was both the terrorist and the slave owner, but they loved me anyway, and claimed I was amazing. If anybody knew her parents loved her and wanted her to be happy, I did. Just weren’t sure we were on the same page about how I should be happy. But isn’t that universal?

Am I the adoptee pictured in that filthy drecky anti-abortion website, that I can no longer feel so angry about because memories began flooding back?

Was really beginning to think that I was losing them which could be a sign of some forms of early onset dementia….

Have a story to tell, and most of it is fun. Some of it isn’t.

Need this particular book to be finished because there are some stories I’m afraid I will forget, and others I would like to forget.

Have a few other books that I want to write. Blogging has helped me stay unblocked. I almost never have problems thinking about things to write. However, do need a blogger’s break. Sixteen months ago yesterday I discovered a new world. One I love, but would like to step off for a tiny break.

Will probably feel more of an urge to blog next week when in Puerto Rico. Find it relaxing for an hour or two on vacation.

I put the post that I took out into a page on the sidebar to your left. Safer that way.

If you don’t know Cooper you’re missing one od the best minds and people in blogging. And she’s going to be legal and lethal in two months.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

« Best Indie Cult Blog Names–a contest
Leaving on a jet plane–to get my brain back »

Comments

  1. cooper says

    March 14, 2006 at 11:02 am

    Damn Pia I have been legal since I was born.

    “Neither of my parents became demented, though my dad was crazy, and I mean that in a wonderful way, and it could have been hard to tell.”

    This is why I love you.

    I actually read the other post and rather liked it but thought that possibly I was crazy when I came back to comment and it was gone.

    I hope you have a grand time. I am forsaking my computer when in Costa Rica mainly because I don’t want to deal with it along with all the other garbage and have opted for a camera or two. My friends also wonder at my sanity for “keeping a weblog where “people I don’t know” write comments and where I “answer as if I know them”. It’s possible of course that there will be a computer or two there but I am not sure if I will venture in that direction.

    I will be here long enough to finish voting and remind everyone else to do the same. I am then leaving Wombat in charge because the bohemian and the rock singer are busy with children. 😉

  2. Neo says

    March 14, 2006 at 4:39 pm

    Dun be scare about yourself. You are 100% human as i am, as everyone is.

  3. Dawn says

    March 14, 2006 at 6:48 pm

    Why people in general are so judgemental always amazes and frustrates me beyond belief.

    One thing the internet has given me is a place to find other open minded, non-linear thinkers.

    I heart the internet mostly for that reason alone.

  4. Doug says

    March 14, 2006 at 8:32 pm

    OK, three comments Pia, in descending order of seriousness:
    1. You are correct. Cooper rocks. Anyone who isn’t reading this site and hers is missing half the intelligence in NYC.
    2. I can’t imagine what anyone is thinking slandering adoptive parents. There’s no nobler choice a human can make in my opinion.
    3. I predict the DSM-V will list reading the DSM-IV at night as a diagnostic symptom of Aspberger’s Syndrome. And blogging.

  5. Bone says

    March 14, 2006 at 9:21 pm

    I was perplexed that there was an anti-adoption website as well. Why would anyone be anti…?

    I have felt myself forgetting stories with time. But writing sometimes helps to bring them back. I’ll remember something when writing that I haven’t thought of in a long time. And probably wouldn’t have thought of had I not been writing.

  6. Cowgirl says

    March 14, 2006 at 10:01 pm

    Why did you take the original post down?

    “the princess of non-linear thinking” – that is what I love about you!

    Why on Earth could any sane person be anti-adoption?! I know SO many people that where adopted… much better than living in foster home after foster home, or worse.

    Cooper’s site does rock.

    I have kept a journal ever since I can remember, so every once in awhile I re-read parts to jog my memory.

  7. Sar says

    March 14, 2006 at 11:21 pm

    Minus the her last sentence, Cowgirl said what I planned to. Really!

  8. Cowgirl says

    March 14, 2006 at 11:30 pm

    Sar – dunno if that is cool, or scary. Hmmm…I would say great minds think alike, but I think yours is greater, lol.

  9. Marinade Dave says

    March 15, 2006 at 1:09 am

    Who on earth would ever have an issue with adoption? In your case, it’s as if a bud was plucked from rich soil and replanted. It grew into a beautiful and fragrant flower.

    Have a wonderful time in PR!

  10. dan says

    March 15, 2006 at 1:43 am

    As a kid I would have rather been adopted into a loving family than suffering some of what I did.

    That said… Cooper? Legal? For some reason that sounds illegal.

    What is it you have with the law Pia?

  11. Monika says

    March 15, 2006 at 4:45 am

    Greta post. As per usual.
    I worked with Alzheimer for 4 years, they are quite fine, once tehy stepped over a certain degree of it. Once you forget that you forget, others just seem stupid on insisting on somethign you know you never said! 🙂
    I literally abandoned my mother becuase she sucked! I tell my “mom by choice” that I love her almost every day. She referrs to me as her daughter and together we live happier lives. What a bastard am I?!
    With so much bad in teh world people should focus on, theya ctually have the time of day to be anti-abortion! It drives me insane!

  12. lisa says

    March 15, 2006 at 7:29 am

    that abolish adoption site made me see red. are there really people out there who think like that? clearly there are several, judging by the “petition”.

    oh pia, sometimes it hurts too much.

  13. shayna says

    March 15, 2006 at 8:26 am

    I can’t believe anyone would write that about adoption. Some people are natural born idiots.

    Holy Crap… Coop is going to be legal? PARTY!!!!

  14. Jim says

    March 15, 2006 at 8:36 am

    I have been arguing with some of these anti adoption folks for the last few days at my blog. I was also amazed to see the term “Anti-adoption”. Yikes.

    Check out the dialog I have been having with ‘Musings of the Lame’. It is interesting, to say the least.

  15. Jim says

    March 15, 2006 at 8:38 am

    Sorry, I didn’t mention the posts: Check “A story about adoption”, “Coming to terms”, and “More terms”.

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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