Today is Patriotic Cowgirl’s 25th birthday. Hope it’s a wonderful day
You feel agitated, angry, irrational as you had in the worst of PMS days. Despite the color coded warnings your friends dispersed long before the terrorist warning, you knew your mood would change within two weeks and you could perform behavior modification on yourself.
Now you’re beginning to wonder if you’re just agitated, angry and irrational, a combination that you couldn’t dare live with. Or maybe it’s something else entirely, an inability to enjoy blogging because you just can’t write fresh material five days a week, work on your book, do the hated organizational aspects of your blog, proofing the oldest posts that were written pre-Google spell check, and categorizing all of them, commenting on other blogs, thinking about blogging, having blogger attached to your name.
What’s that other thing? The way you make your living? Right, your investments, the ones you have been ignoring because of some kind of weird theory that the money you’re losing in income, you’re making in stocks.
It makes no sense, but between taking your blog on vacations, living at the dentists office, and having a social life, you have deluded yourself into thinking that the heavy metal band in your mouth alone, is insurance for your future. You just better not die before you outlive the costs of your soon to be perfect mouth. The small lips you have always hated will be slightly enlarged. Nobody ever really knew that you had a small mouth as you began wearing lipstick at eleven. You thank your mother for that.
The few lines above your mouth and below your nose will probably be eradicated. You have taut skin so the rest of your face doesn’t need any work. The dental work will probably end in June exactly two years after it began. You just don’t know if you can make it to the finish line. Do you have a choice?
Having a social life can be defined in many ways. You choose to define it losely as in: you see friends twice a week, and family for holidays and special events such as your niece in Annie this Sunday. Really should have gotten her a Coach something before Katie left for her new job. Your niece’s wallpaper on her cell is the Coach pattern. You could have used a Coach bag.
You’ll probably get another pair of MBT sneakers and sandals as you have discovered that they’re key to living your life. You’re no longer just sitting at the computer but exercising your legs, and you can run all over the city with them and while your legs may feel as if they’ve been worked out, they never feel tired or become blistered.
You had too much publicity in two weeks and feel drained. You wonder if people think of you as a one hit wonder, not that you ever had a hit.
You have always been hard on yourself, and you have to stop that if you want to get anything done. You wonder how you can do that when there’s never a feeling that you’re about to cross the finish line, that you’re not even a fifth there. Maybe you would be happy as a fact checker or a clerk at B&N.
No, you just have to keep going.