Today during TITTMTJanet asked who your first crush was on. I can’t help it, I was eight and thought Castro was hot.
Cooper has an amazing post.
I seem to be a failure as a commenter lately. The people that I know are so much more clever than I am. It pains me to admit that but it is truth is truth. Can’t be clever, can’t be flirtatious, can’t even be funny.
And when I can think of the perfect comment, so infrequently, somebody invariably beats me too it. Or comes later and says it more intellectually, more cleverly, with more humor. I have big comment issues, and I don’t think that there is yet a therapy or a pill for blogging comment issues.
It began with political blogging. I constantly felt defensive. This country might be going to hell, but I need to help myself. Like many other bloggers i want to feel joy and friendship in blogging. I have made many great blogging friends. I do have a major problem with trust.
Five years ago I would have laughed at me not being able to trust. Everything did change then for me. I lost all faith in myself. In everything but my ability to write.
My blog’s such a great excuse not to live or to do other things essential for my future.
So I have lined up enough people for at two to three weeks. I might do some quick picture posts, without the zoom lenses.
I was never a needy person. Five years ago, I became one. But pride and some other things wouldn’t let me find the right combination of neediness. I know that there is a good combination, but I come from the proud-I’ll-do-it-myself-family, and have never been able to figure out how to need people without needing them too much or too little. And I hate Streisand, though my sister and I found her father’s grave near our family’s Society plot in Mount Hebron Cemetery, Queens. It’s in between the Mir Young Men’s Society–my Dad was the youngest New York member, and The Jewish Actor’s something.
Since I have developed trust issues, it’s been difficult for me to make friends on more than a surface level. When I do I become scared that I’m too needy.
I was never paranoid. That’s the downside to the type of blogging that I used to do. Get enough horrible comments, emails and things, paranoia becomes a problem.
I really really want to write experimental fiction in Courting. I enjoy it. But some of it does verge on soft porn. I plead the James Spader is my fave actor excuse. Will I have to password protect my blog? Will my morals be up for debate again?
Last month I allowed Courting to be used for a debate. I was told that it would be civil. I was unable to moderate, and it wasn’t civil. I found myself talked about in another blog. Something slightly hurtful about my summer vacation from issues, really they meant of substance.
Who the f–k decides what’s substantive? I won’t be doing issues as I do bleed and was hurt often in the past two years.
If I talk about these things, it’s because I find the personal side of the blogosphere warm and inviting, and the political side, snarky in the worst sense.
I’m trying to understand that I have been invited to the personal side, and I love it but fear it because I became so used to being put down. That was a byproduct of my writing class and the things that happened to me after my Mom died.
I know bloggers are supposed to be funny, clever, tell great stories, be fascinating, be snarky, be this, be that, but nobody gave me the rule book.
Oh, I need sunshine. But how can I complain on the first anniversary of Katrina? I can.
Last year the blogosphere came together for Katrina. It was pretty damn amazing, once people realized that yes the levees had broke, and what that meant.
Somehow I knew immediately how devastating that was. I saw Light in the Piazza I’m told that it’s excellent. All I could think about was New Orleans. I don’t know why I understood so quickly. I just did.
My new Brookstone exercise horse just came, and well, I think my mood might be picking up considerably. And Lucia, it does exercise, hips, thighs and buttocks. Yes it’s an incredible mood enhancer. And I guess it’s a good exercise machine.
When Fats Domino was missing I couldn’t stop crying. Everytime I hear this song, I cry.
Before Katrina I thought Bush only hated New York, and I couldn’t believe that the New York Times said he was here for us. They’re trying to hard to be a national newspaper, and the entire staff must be on a forget what really happened during 9/11 and make up a new scenario. Or they’re all on drugs. He came once. We had to wait three years for the promised aid.
Which is one of the many reasons we relate to New Orleans so much.
This is New Orleans week for me. Unfortunately, I can handle it much easier than 9/11 because it didn’t directly affect me. And that was a difficult sentence to write, but it is the truth. Though I have never cried so much as I did during Katrina and the very horrible aftermath.
Though Zachary was from NO, I have only been there twice. Once with my family, and once with a group of sixteen for JazzFest. Didn’t like the physical city as much as most people do. But the people were so warm and wonderful; the music incredible; and the food, wow. Even at Jazzfest itself, it was amazing. My friend had lived in NO, so we went to many non-tourist restaurants.
The only way we can restore this country is if everybody votes all Democrat–and I have never been a party person, but…The American people are great, but the government….
It’s time I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
I’m going to need two pair of shoes
When I get through walkin’ to you
When I get back to New Orleans
I’ve got my suitcase in my hand
Now, ain’t that a shame
I’m leavin’ here today
Yes, I’m goin’ back home to stay
Yes, I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
You used to be my honey
Till you spent all my money
No use for you to cry
I’ll see you bye and bye
Cause I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
I’ve got no time for talkin’
I’ve got to keep on walkin’
New Orleans is my home
That’s the reason why I’m goin’
Yes, I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
FADE:
I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
I’m walkin’ to New Orleans
Transcribed by Little John
You shouldn’t be so self conscious about it. Blogging shouldn’t be an obsession commercial. Your posts are much more interesting when they talk about something more than why you wish to talk. Skip the disclaimers and go right for the meat. If people don’t like what you have to say it shouldn’t matter unless you believe they are right. If writing fiction is your next whimsy, go for it.
You’re getting the hang of it now!:)
All you have to do next time is say Today during TITMT or something that effect. I’m trying to get people to make a connection to the two:)
Oh and actually truly write about your crush, that is:)
“One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.”
Don’t comment, and don’t feel at all the lesser for it. For blogs, there are really only four, and everything else is just fluff:
1. I liked it.
2. I hated it.
3. Thank you.
4. F**k you.
BTW, regarding your post: 1.
I came over from “The art of Getting by” and I was kind of taken back by your post. You see I have similar issues concerning the blogosphere. I constantly believe my comments are shitty or uninspiring, especiall compared to others out there. So what do I do? I refuse to read the other comments.. until I write my own. Sure I say the same things, but hey your giving your opinion, and sometimes even if you think someone else said it better, people almost never understand things in the same way everyone else does.
I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes “Why do I write? Its not that I want people to think I am smart, or even that I am a good writer. I write because I want to end my loneliness.” –– Jonathan Safran Foer, in an interview, New York Times
So just be who you are, and F–K what everyone else thinks.
With reference to commenting, I would perhaps not think too deeply about what you write.
I am rapidly learning that while it is worth taking the time to construct my thoughts (and therefore sentences) properly, it is more important to just write.
“Just writing” seems to expose more truth than being careful.
Watching “Finding Forrester” will help too 🙂
a crush on Castro eh? I’ve got the beard, just need to find me some fatigues…
I’m glad that you have been able to find kinder souls after leaving a certain aspect of the blogosphere behind. I cant believe sometimes how cruel the blogland can be.
Blogging is truly a battlefield.
Pia Pia Pia
Floating around not feeling compelled to comment unless something stikes you is perfectly logical….sometimes people prefer not to have to answer comments. Blogging should not be stressful really, although admittedly some of us are obsessive about writing in them now but as for commenting…that should not be a concern.
i would rather see you writing the lovely stuff you write and ignoring everything else.
I just want your book out.
Sometimes you make me laugh and I’m not ever sure if you’re trying or not. Or if they’re things I’m even supposed to be laughing at.
But “I don’t think that there is yet a therapy or a pill for blogging comment issues” and the exercise horse line, those were funny.
OK, I’m sure everyone is thinking it, so I’ll say it.
We’ll need to see photos of you on the exercise equine.
i have yet to read a comment of yours that *wasn’t* fabulous, so i don’t know what you’re talking about.
if blogging ever (and i mean *ever*) becomes something i have to overthink in terms of my posts and/or my comments, i am SO gonna stop. fortunately i’ve met some extremely wonderful people (including YOU!) and for that i’m extremely grateful. but geez, if doing something i enjoy *stops* being fun, why bother? i can always do something else that hurts, like jam sticks up my fingernails or pull my hair out by the roots. my point, for i have one, is that i don’t care what other people think. i do this for me, and that’s enough. the fact that i get to share my time online with a few friends is an added –and wonderful– bonus!
there’s a book i read a few years ago that COMPLETELY changed my life–certainly my ability to stop taking things too personally, which has helped me a lot in this regard. it’s called The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. it’s simple yet elegant, and reading it was one of the most liberating experiences i’ve ever had. i’m getting a copy for you. i know you already feel good about yourself, and with good reason, girlfriend, you ARE good… but sometimes a little reinforcement doesn’t hurt!
again… if my opinion counts, and i certainly hope it does, i think you are *FABULOUS*. i know your book will be, too. end of discussion! xox
What is TITTMT?
Cooper’s post was great I read it last year when she posted it;right about the time I started reading blogs.
Janet has a nice blog may be time to add a new link.
I wouldn’t worry too much about commenting. I read a lot of blogs and am now stuck on commenting only a the few I have been reding forever. It’s easier that way.;)