First I’m ‘s guest this week. As I consider Sar and Douto be the hostess and host of blogging, this is making me a bit nervous.
Hey, it’s not easy being a moral relativist, especially since I never heard of the term until blogging. People in New York assume that your knowledge base comes from many sources. Actually everybody I know had to look it up. I figured it out from context because I used to hate looking words up. Couldn’t spell.
Doug was the white knight who saved me from the radical right. It was amazing to watch Doug become a guru to a fifth of the blogging world
I knew Doug’s politics before most people and took much pleasure when they found out. True Conservatives and true Progressives, to used an out of vogue word, have much in common. Such as intellect.
I have to take issue with somethings Doug said. I think we taught each other. Me go on and on? Use phrases, me? I could go on, but I give you Doug.
Apparently fasting a day on Yom Kippur may not be enough for Pia to atone for all her crimes, real, alleged and “make sures.†You can see the problem with moral relativism right away, can’t you?
I know she’s worried about it because when I offered to write a piece to her specifications she said “Make fun of me.†Like my dogs, I hunt rabbits that surrender the same as the ones that run. Like a proper roast, I hope all of you will join me in abusing Pia in the comments below. No matter how deep your gratitude to Ms. Savage may be, how tender your affection or how robust your admiration, I just bet you can mock her for something. If you’re reluctant just leave sentence fragments. Not going to.
I first met Pia through the magic of BlogExplosion. No matter how many times I clicked on the little number, the frame just stayed on this site. At that time, and the last time I checked, too, Courting Destiny was nine out of every eight BE sponsors. Finally I decided that this must be a very important blog, not yet appreciating the paradox. In that moment I became a BE pioneer myself by reading what was on the screen. I even scrolled.
The first of Pia’s pieces I read was a long piece. You know what I mean, about her. Tangent to tangent like an epileptic mathematician, Pia described her diagnoses and her political positions and just what she thinks about men of a certain type, described someplace she once lived once and what was around the corner from, discussed how little she made as a social worker and how much they charge for a cab ride, how meaningless she found the stereotypes of Jews and why yo
can still call a cop if you get lost in Manhattan. I was tempted. I felt like I was following Tarzan shopping by vine for the perfect boutoniere. What amazed me then was that in the last sentence of the post a light came on and the whole journey suddenly made sense. I realized I had discovered a new literary voice, perfect for an electronic medium in that it needn’t draw breath.
Hooked on Pia’s writing and knowing exactly where I could find more, I was there for her debut in the arena of online politics. I quickly learned that those who blog politics as a hobby are much like those who run for office professionally except that they don’t need nice clothes to be stupid in nor a camera to show their backsides. As best I recall the discourse, Pia speculated that a family murdered by Christians was as dead as if they’d been murdered by Muslims for which she was called liberal, non-linear and treacherous. Scurrilous charges but not meritless.
From that day to this one, Pia’s taught me how to comment, to answer comments, why both are important unless you have allergies but not yet how forgoing grammar enables someone who can only type 40 words per minute to publish 2500 an hour. If you know a good publisher, the woman needs a book deal just to catch the overflow. If you don’t know a publisher, maybe give her a link so she can finally beat technorati in numbers as well as letters. If you have no site to link from, then God bless you.
In conclusion, I wish Pia well this Yom Kippur although I suspect God would take an hour of silence before a day of hunger and thirst. But don’t beat yourself up. Your blogging friends will take care of that.
SAVAGE, adj. Differently cultured.
if I can’t be first at his site i might as well me first when he is hosting a roast.
Whoa, I thought Doug was the radical right?
Leave it to you pia to be a guest on someone else’s blog when you are supposed to be on sabbatical.
I think pia makes up her own definitions for words like sabbatical; just like she makes her own definition of blog and her own rules on blog comments.
I was starting to abuse her before I even realized it was a roast…
I might as well continue.
How can I not love a woman who gives me credit for writing at Talking Points ( won’t old Joshi be surprised)…when I write at Taking Place. 😉
Ah, Doug. Ever since Bierce disappeared in 1913, the dawg’s been filling in.
And Cooper, the only blow job queen who’s never given a blow job. It’s a pleasure.
When Pia was younger, she was divine, and now, she’s sublime.
But then again anyone who reads Courting knows that. It’s in most of her posts.
A search on “Pia” in my Gmail inbox returns 80 results. On average, each of these is a thread of 8 emails. At times the turnaround on a response from Pia is faster than my mail notifier’s refresh rate. I have thousands upon thousands of Pia’s words in my inbox
And yet I don’t have the 100 I asked for three weeks ago.
Pia, for someone who seems to fear being blacklisted for every other word you write, your output is stunning.
But in all seriousness. Thank you for the inspiration, the perspective, and the encouragement. I’m not sure whether the regard in which you seem to hold me is a mark for you or against you, but I’m more than grateful for it
Well done, Alice and Wombat. 5 Bonus points to Wombat for taking a shot at the MC.
“Tarzan shopping by vine for the perfect boutoniere” … I like Pia’s stream of conscience-ness blogging, too. But, um, (and I’m sure you intended this) Yom Kippur was last week. You’re pretty close to Sukkot though. xoxo
Tell Pia I am back in da USA and I could not FAST on Yom Kip day cause I have to put something in my mouth once a day (I’m not Jewish but Must have been in a past life)
Thanks Mrs. M, Mirelle–that was my favorite line also–taken off, I suspect from a certain song
EW thanks, what were those lines again:-)
Cooper, I make up everything as I go along
Believe that rules are made to be broken
I am so bad at comment moderation that I can’t stop laughing
Mireille, I hope Pia will back me up that the schedule shifted after I sent this in. See her comment about rules.
Mrs. Mogul, I’ll let Pia know 🙂
Pia, you’re doing grandly but in the spirit of the day, it’s not the comments, it’s the moderation that I suspect has you off-kilter.
You guys are being nicer at a “roast” than I would be when I’m bein’ nice! Just sayin’.
SO… there are two kinds of bloggers: those who write using their brains, and those who just use their keyboards. Naturally we all know which Pia is.
I’d like to begin by recounting the story of the day that Pia met John Gotti. What, you’ve heard that one already?
After reading EW’s comment, I also searched for Pia in my gmail. It shut Gmail down for thirty minutes.
No, seriously, it did say “1-20 of hundreds.”
I got to thread #200 and stopped clicking. That took us all the way back to the end of July.
No wonder I never have time to blog.
And remember the Koufaxes? Boy, that was a fun time for everyone in the Pia inner circle.
Blogging isn’t fun for Pia anymore. She’s been blacklisted by everybody and their brother. She has to get out of New York. And she did something, or thought something, for a “hot second.” But for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was.
And did I mention she once met John Gotti?
And if you don’t believe me, research it. It’s all Freyable. All 427,365 words. And that’s just this month’s posts.
What else can you say about someone who’s goal in life is to be the next Stephanie Klein?
I wasn’t going to participate in this, but…
OK, the sun just came out. I’m going for a walk.
How did I miss this?
As for roasting, Pia does a pretty good job of roasting and deroasting herself on an almost daily basis so there isn’t much left for me to do.
TLP, your daughters are nice. You must have let someone else nurse them.
Bone, she flashed him as I recall.
Jacob, dig deep.
Bone–In my defense–I can’t think of a thing to say other than I never flashed John Gotti–that’s Lucia’s version of the story that I tell just to be Freyable. Feel as if i should counter each point, but…
TLP, my fiction is short. Basically because it’s not about me
Jacob, you did fine, and thanks 🙂
Doug, Jacob is deep
its ironic that the King of the short comments is roasting the queen of the longs posts!
How the heck am I supposed to roast Pia? She’s an icon. An icon who, along with Sar, has found more ways to bastardize my username than I ever imagined possible!
Pia has a ‘unique style all her own’, and I love it. I’m not sure I can come up with much of a ‘roast’ for that reason.. Except perhaps that I don’t always have the brain-power on a Friday afternoon to deal with all those words.. 😉 I do read most of it though, when I stop by. Which is more than I do with most other bloggers that write more than 3 short paragraphs for one post.
And yes, she’s great at emailing, too. We’ve had some great email chats, off the blogs.
I love you Pia. 🙂 Supercharged supervixen. You’re an inspiration.
Doug, My girls caught niceness from their dad. But remember you can kill with kindness. I’m just tryin’ to avoid murdering Pia. I’m so sweet’n all.
BTW, nice colors ya got here Pia. Drink alotta Pepto-Bismol do ya?
Pia, Lucia and Tom Waits both have you bare in that story.
Kyah, you found a way. I was afraid you didn’t have a mean bone in your body. Good to learn different.
That was nice, Chandira, thanks.
TLP, I’ll have to invite you when someone roasts me. You sure take to this.
Pia is the only blogger who could even get me confused that perhaps the commenter she mixed me up with was in fact me. Was going to write about when we met but you know that story already.
She may also be the only one who hasn’t (completely) made me raise my eyebrows when she proclaims she was the only one who (fill in the blanks) because usually it’s true and usually it’s interesting.
Now get out of here you knuckleheads – who loves ya both!? (that sound roastish?).
Pia ~ I’m off to Scissors mom’s for a yom tov/shabbos meal. So good shabbos to you.
glad I didn’t disappoint you Doug. But i got NOTHING on that TLP!
Tangent to tangent like an epileptic mathematician
Dawg, how in pluperfect hell am I supposed to roast somebody after you’ve taken all the good lines? Huh?!? But then again maybe she’ll be hacked off at you for getting her gender wrong:
TANGENT, n. Beach bum. In community trigonometry, a peripheral personage, commonly persuaded to think otherwise of himself by a bank account, mostly containing money that he did not make.
I must be the only one on this page who does not have a million Savage emails. What? Pia doesn’t like Old Spice? Do I need to change to Right Guard? Maybe that should be right tackle …
uh… roast Pia??? who whatey? honestly, i don’t think i can. i mean, i’m a fairly new reader, as well as a big fan, and golly, it would seem so sacrilegio… wait. i can do this. after all… it’s what Pia wants, it’s what you’ve commanded–who am i to disagree with and/or depart from the orders du jour?
that said, i’ve got nuthin’. i’m guessing it’s because i’ve been trying to read this lengthy missive for the last couple of hours, and my brain’s finally just shut down. that’s how it is for ADD girls like me when it comes to big words and/or a bunch of little ones strung together like beads on a flashy Mardi Gras necklace. i get… confused. i’ll take my Ritalin and come back once it kicks in.
by the way, Doug… Blog Explosion? YOU?? suddenly, i’ve lost all respect.
Haha, G. I had to read the part about confusing you over confusing you with you three time but I can sure see it.
Kyah, I think I would walk 3000 miles to hear TLP roast someone which is a lot considering I’d wear asbestos.
O Ceallaigh, you did pretty well considering I blocked you. Great definition.
OK, Neva, well you roasted Neva and that was overdue. We’ll take that. I don’t need your respect. Only your sarcasm and Central Snark for when I’m lonesome.
Happy Yom Kippur… and roasting none other than Pia… I am a lucky girl tonight… I have giggled, smiled and bowed down to the Dog…
As for me adding to the roast… I am becoming vegetarian and feel that it wouldn’t be right to roast my friend Pia… but if you dash a right amount of salt and vinegar on my friend… this pregnant woman might consider the roast! 🙂
aw… I thought all the roasters were going to take shots at each other. Sorry Cooper.
Have been thinking a lot lately. Am upset, but not really. Thought politics was pointless, realized I needed to find my own point. Did that. Better now, but have quit thinking. Maybe tomorrow? Rove hates New York, and the feeling is mutual, but.
(Joyce had his streams of consciousness, and Pia’s got something like that, but with big pointy rocks in the rushing white water. Her style makes for great reading, but ya gotta keep your eyes wide open or you can hurt yourself. I feel VERY sorry for any future editor who tries to smooth out the bumps. 🙂
Shayna, I think there’s salt already in.
All’s well, Wombat. I think roasters just need to roast. Anyone who fits the oven.
Funny, A. Well-captured.
yes, well until wombat has himself given a blowjob I suggest he…shut up.
😉
Oh and Doug……..
“From that day to this one, Pia’s taught me how to comment, to answer comments,”
……she hasn’t taught you all that well so don’t get too full of yourelf. Besides Pia does not need to be patted on the back any longer – she just pretends she does to make us feel better.
I’m not nearly flexible enough.
And anyways, if I called myself a Cunnilingus King (or would it be better if it was Kunnilingus King… hmm) I would find it a welcome expectation that I’ve at least had a taste of the practice.
oh wait… my mind sort of swapped the words “himself” and “given” when I first read that. Umm… *turns away and whistles*
My other point, however, still stands.
Cooper… Wombat… do I need to put you two in time out???? 🙂
Oh wow. You know, I can’t decide which of the several dozen things that’ve popped into my head I should say so I guess I’ll have to settle for, “would you putting us both in the same time-out?”
I am not even going to try to answer any of this
Feel horrible that I missed the party part
One comment: never say anything to make people feel good, and uh, Doug take over…
Thank you all, I think
Cooper, like I’d give you the time of day if Pia didn’t make me.
Wombat, better get started, pup.
Seperately, pleasee, Shayna.
Gotcha, P.
I’m not home and miss the roast. Grr.
You know what I love about Pia? The things she swears she will never do, yet does anyway. Like a teenager.
No, I will not clean my room! Oh? Tommy wants to come over to study? I better clean my room.
🙂