This article is my worst nightmare come true, and last week I would have been beating myself up about not staying at a secure job with benefits.
Elvira Black has a great shot of Edgar Allen Poe’s house in the Bronx. The poem is pretty good also. The Bronx is one of the most misunderstood counties in the country. It’s small yet has everything including incredible apartments that look like building on Central Park West with good reason. Same architects. It’s a wonderful place to explore, and if winter continues being like spring, maybe I will. Then again…
obsessive computer use has yet to be classified as a clinical mental illness, such as alcoholism or eating disorders. Marathon Web surfing and electronic gaming sessions could be a symptom of a pre-existing mental illness, psychologists say: A person suffering from depression may spend countless numb hours flipping through Web pages, much as they might spend sleepless days lying in bed. A person suffering from an anxiety disorder may bunker themselves in the anonymity of online postings and instant messages to avoid dealing with people face-to-face.
If you’re worried that it won’t be classified as one don’t worry. Nobody has interviewed me yet about it.
Personally I think that an Internet obsession can be a good thing, and create new good behaviors such as disciplined writing that serves to help a person write things for profit if she doesn’t want to go broke blogging.
There are times in a persons life when she needs a blog and an audience. I will never forget 2006, the year I made some of the best friendships of my life. Blogging can be maddening. It takes time. And the interaction is as real or more real than real life friendships because boundaries can be broken.
This isn’t about Internet sex. It’s about Internet friendships, and the boundaries are the questions that straight males and females don’t usually ask each other. Women’s magazines love having male columnists so that women can better understand men. That’s bogus. The interaction between straight people of opposite sexes in blogging is real.
Yes I have very recently focused too much on Aspergers in my blog, my real life, and my other writings. But I needed to come out of denial about it. Many miscommunications with people in emails, mostly of political ilks, helped me realize that while I had mastered in face and phone communication when I was eighteen, except at large family gatherings, I couldn’t interpret many emails.
People with Aspergers are supposed to miss nuances and I often do, generally comically. But I need nuances to understand things fully, and many people don’t write with nuance. Yet other people are so good that they write in layers, and I love that.
I was falling into the symptoms of Aspergers, and believing that I suffered dramatically from each one. Stream of consciousness writing even if it wasn’t on that subject helped me deal with it, though at the time I felt as if I were breaking down.
Now I’m at a point where I have to be more structured so I have turned to short timed fiction. That microwave timer goes off in twenty five minutes and I’m through. Okay the breakdown was last week, but that’s almost last year, and it was structured
At times emailing becomes overwhelming and I apologize if I haven’t answered some or more. I used to be email obsessed but that was so mid 06.
Internet obsession has its purposes. I would assume that it’s healthier for a peson to sit at a computer all day than to lie in bed. Though any true bipolar wouldn’t be at a computer, during depressive episodes. Maybe this is a way for a person to come out of a situational depression that’s healthier than medication.
Personally I’m much more familiar with anxiety. I went through seven oral surgeries in my first twenty months of blogging, and blogging helped me be a model patient. I’m becoming less anxious in many ways, except when I’m overwhelmed.
I saw my new comforter in daylight this weekend as I gave myself permission to relax and to read, something I need to do to feel whole. My new comforter’s beautiful thanks and so was the view from the bedroom.
But I almost never get tired of the act of writing. There are so many stories that I haven’t told or have alluded to. I can write them now and write them well because I have had two years of blogging and bitching about blogging and everything.
It’s been a high colonic, or purging of my mind, and I have taken some of you on the innards journey. We have all survived. Uh, that was one of the grossest sentences I have ever written.
If I never knew that I had Aspergers does that make it less valid? Actually yes as I never lived an Aspergers centric life. I don’t plan on beginning one now. Though it feels so good to give into staying home sometimes and not feeling guilty.
Blogging about it gave my real life family of friends and relatives time to adjust and understand that I want to leave New York not because I want to leave them but because I just see it as healthier and cheaper for me.
My book is totally not Asperger-centric as that would be to deny my life of its many many experiences. Things happened. I might think so outside the box I’m in another crate. That doesn’t make my experiences less valid, less real, less interesting or anything else. As always I reserve the right to change my mind.
I don’t do New Years resolutions because they beg to be broke and if you read Courting you know I don’t do well with them–especially my own rules for me. I set goals and don’t tell. I’m a bit behind in some areas and ahead in others.
Blogging can be an obsession but it can be a much needed one that does serve to make a person more productive, more whole, more in tune with people, with trends and politics.
I don’t want it to substitute for magazines, newspapers and books Call me environmentally unfriendly but nothing will substitute for them to me. Blogging’s just a new way of communicating that lets us explore so many subjects with so many people.
People will always find outlets for negative behaviors, unless there’s something healthy about going broke buying from the QVC channel, going broke at a casino or through a bookie. People will always find new ways to embrace disfunction but don’t make this into an all or nothing because it’s so not.
My real life friends and family thought blogging to be the sickest of all behaviors. Then I got some mainstream publicity and suddenly blogging wasn’t that sick. Frankly, it’s helped my relationship with all the people in my real life.
I’m more sentimental about family and more willing to compromise. Learned that from many bloggers. Thank you. My friends have been spared having to listen. They can read, or one can read and discuss it with others.
To succeed in anything takes persistence, luck and talent. Blogging is one place where that can come together. Sometimes, even I have begun to believe in me. Okay I believe in myself about half to two thirds of the time. That’s a hell of a lot better than it was.
Blogging can become a bit obsessive but you know as I pointed out to my husband, it’s better than drinking or drugs. Not that I have the desire to go down that road.
I agree that it provides a lot of positive outlets and a way to connect with people that I would not have otherwise met and I am quite glad that I did – yourself included. Keep persisting, success will come. ~ G
Oh I’m sure that bloggin and browsing so much isn’t healthy, but I think I like being ill 😛
“It’s been a high colonic, or purging of my mind, and I have taken some of you on the innards journey.” gross line? i’m sorry, Pia, that was a thing of beauty! and, i might add, a brilliant way to sum up the personal aspect in much of your amazing writing. from the inside out, so to speak. fabulous. just like you.
i used to worry that our son was completely obsessed with the internet (okay, i’m still not convinced he’s not) but once i started blogging, and landed in the middle of the amazing “community” i currently find myself in, i understand the attraction. i really do. that said, there are a lot of folks out there who are easy to be nice to online, even tho’ you know you wouldn’t want to sit down and meet at Starbucks over a cup of coffee — on the other hand, thus far, there have been a few who have completely exceeded my imagination and/or expectations. fascinating developments all the way around. (some i still can’t wait to meet, by the way — including YOU)
i hang on your words, and admire you more than i know how to express. i take much of what you say to heart, and hope to follow your lead — because i honestly think you know where you’re going. (of course, even as i write those words, i continue to feel guilty for not finishing up with no fewer than TWO emails i have in the works for *you*. my intentions are there, and they’re good, i promise…perhaps i’ll be more organized in 2007. ah yes… time will tell.)
beautiful and thoughtful and incredibly insightful post, Pia. and one i plan to share with a number of folks who’ve been inclined to look down on me lately, because of this “little blogging thingy” that’s been taking up so much of my time. xox
I have to agree that 2006 has been the best year of my life and it is all due to blogging. I have found my voices and have met some friends. For the first time in my life I have friends.
Yet at times, I want to stop writing because I struggle with the balance between talking and creating.
Innards journey?! Is that what this is? I thought I was ordering tickets to the Skynyrd/Journey concert.
(My name is Bone, and I suffer from the disorder of knowing a joke is horrible, but telling it anyway.)
Like anything, I think there should be a balance.
I enjoy writing and being on the internet. But I also enjoy (limited) social interaction, sports, and just gallivanting in general.
This is nonsense. When I experience anxiety attacks, depression, etc. I don’t feel like being at the computer. when I’m doing fine, I do. So what does that tell you?
Any kind of journey is better than no kind of journey.
I love me some poe.
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Email: philipmobile01@hotmail.com
Email: raven6_23@hotmail.com
Apple 4 GB iPod Mini Blue M9802LL/A””””””””””””””’us$64.00
Apple 4 GB iPod Mini Pink M9804LL/A””””””””””””””’us$64.00
Apple 4 GB iPod Mini Green M9806LL/A””””””””””””””us$64.00
Apple 6 GB iPod Mini Blue M9803LL/A””””””””””””””’us$68.00
Apple 6 GB iPod Mini Silver M9801LL/A””””””””””””””us$68.00
Apple 20 GB iPod M9282LL/A”””””””””””””””””””’us$69.00
Apple 4 GB iPod Mini Pink M9435LL/A”””””””””””””””us$49.00
Apple 40 GB iPod photo””””””””””””””””””””””u s$49.00
Apple 4 GB ipod nano””””””””””””””””””””””’u s$69.00
Apple 2 GB ipod nano””””””””””””””””””””””’u s$62.00
Apple 4 GB iPod Mini Silver M9160LL/A”””””””””””””””us$49.00
Apple 60 GB iPod Photo M9830LL/A”””””””””””””””””’us$86.00
Apple 60 GB iPod photo””””””””””””””””””””””’ ‘us$49.00
Apple 30 GB iPod Photo M9829LL/A””””””””””””””””””us$73.00
Apple 512 MB iPod Shuffle MP3 Player
M9724LL/A”””””””””””’us$56.00
Apple 4 GB iPod Mini Blue
M9436LL/A”””””””””””””””””us$49.00
Apple 20 GB iPod U2 Special
Edition”””””””””””””””””’us$73.00
Apple 6 GB iPod Mini Green
M9807LL/A”””””””””””””””””us$64.00
NEW apple 60 GB video ipod””””””””’us$140.00
NEW apple 30 GB video ipod””””””””’us$120.00
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SONY VAIO B1VP– 40GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP PRO————–$430
SONY VAIO T370P/L– 60GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP—————-$400
SONY VAIO A397XP– 80GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP—————-$700
SONY VAIO B100B08 60GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP—————$450
SONY VAIO B100B08 60GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP—————$600
SONY VAIO FS295VP 80GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP—————$550
SONY VAIO FS215Z 100GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP—————$650
SONY VAIO A417M 80GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP—————–$650
SONY VAIO B1VP– 40GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP PRO————-$300
SONY VAIO T370P/L– 60GB HD– 512MB RAM– XP PRO———-$600
SONY VAIO LAPTOP– VGN-A117S———————————-$600
SONY VAIO LAPTOP– VGN-S1XP————————————$800
ALPHASMART DANA PALM POWERED LAPTOP————————$330
APPLE G4 POWERBOOK 1.5GHZ SUPERDRIVE WITH 15 INCH DISPLAY–$700
APPLE G5 POWERMAC 2.0GHZ DESKTOP COMPUTER————-$700
APPLE G4 POWERBOOK 1.5GHZ SUPERDRIVE WITH 17 INCH DISPLAY–$600
APPLE G5 POWERMAC 2.5GHZ DESKTOP COMPUTER———$250
TOSHIBA SATELLITE LAPTOP– P20-102————————–$500
APPLE 5GHZ SUPERDRIVE DESKTOP COMPUTER WITH 20 INCH MONITOR-$4500
TOSHIBA SATELLITE LAPTOP– P10-803—————————–$500
ALPHASMART DANA PALM POWERED LAPTOP————————$350
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OQO MODEL 01 ULTRA PERSONAL COMPUTER (XP PRO)————–$450
TOSHIBA SATELLITE PRO A60 40GB– C2.8GHZ– 15INCH– DVD/CDR$450
FLYBOOK NOTEBOOK – WI-FI– GPRS– BLUETOOTH– 1GHZ (BLACK)—-$550
FUJITSU SIEMENS LIFEBOOK P7010 60GB– P4 1.1GHZ– 10.6INCH– DVD/CDRW
$600
ASUS A4744K-LH AMD64 POWER WORKSTATION LAPTOP——–$450
FLYBOOK NOTEBOOK – WI-FI– GPRS– BLUETOOTH– 1GHZ (RED)——$610
FLYBOOK NOTEBOOK – WI-FI– GPRS– BLUETOOTH– 1GHZ (BLUE)—–$500
ALPHASMART DANA PALM POWERED LAPTOP————————$300
FLYBOOK NOTEBOOK – WI-FI– GPRS– BLUETOOTH– 1GHZ (YELLOW)–$500
TOSHIBA TECRA M2 40GB– PM 1.5GHZ– 14INCH– WIFI– DVD-CDRW—-$500
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TOSHIBA PORTEGE R100 40GB– 512MB– XP PRO——————$500
TOSHIBA SATELLITE LAPTOP– M30-742——————————-$550
APPLE G5 POWERMAC 1.8GHZ DESKTOP COMPUTER————–$500
HP PAVILION LAPTOP– ZD7145EA———————————–$500
HP PAVILION LAPTOP– ZD7255EA———————————–$500
APPLE CINEMA HD 23-INCH TFT LCD MONITOR———————$500
SONY VAIO LAPTOP– VGN PCGK21 5Z—————————-$500
SAMSUNG LAPTOP– X30 LWC 1500——————————–$500
G4 POWERBOOK 1.33GHZ SUPERDRIVE WITH 12 INCH DISPLAY-$600
SONY VAIO PCVW2 DESKTOP————————————-$450
HP PAVILION LAPTOP– ZX5151EA PHOTOSMART——————-$400
TOSHIBA SATELLITE LAPTOP– M30-832—————————-$400
HP PAVILION LAPTOP– ZT3215EA———————————-$550
SAMSUNG LAPTOP– M40 HWM 745——————————–$500
APPLE G4 POWERBOOK 1.3GHZ COMBO WITH 15 INCH DISPLAY-$700
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Email: raven6_23@hotmail.com
Sony Grand WEGA KDFE42A10 42 in LCD Rear-Projection TV ……….. $400
Sony Grand WEGA SXRD KDS-R60XBR1 60 in Rear-Projection LCoS TV…..$600
Sony Grand WEGA SXRD KDS-R50XBR1 50 in Rear-Projection LCoS TV … $450
Sony Wega KDF-E50A10 50 in LCD Rear-Projection TV…………. $450
Sharp Aquos LC-32DA5U 32 in Flat Panel LCD TV ………… $350
Sony Wega KDL-V40XBR1 40 in Flat Panel LCD TV ……….. $400
Sony Wega KD-36FS130 36 in Flat Screen TV …………… $400
Samsung HL-R5067W 50 in Rear-Projection DLP TV ……… $450
Panasonic TH-50PHD8UK 50 in Flat Panel Plasma TV………….. $500
Samsung HL-R5667W 56 in Rear-Projection DLP TV ………….$500
Samsung HL-R4266W 42 in Rear-Projection DLP TV ………… $450
Samsung LN-R408D 40 in Flat Panel LCD TV …………. $400
Samsung HP-R4252 42 in Flat Panel Plasma TV ………….. $450
Magnavox 15MF605T 15 in Flat Panel LCD TV …………… $300
Panasonic TH-42PWD8UK 42 in Flat Panel Plasma TV ………… $350
Sony BRAVIA XBR KDL-V32XBR1 32 in Flat Panel LCD TV …… $350
Sony Grand WEGA KDF-E55A20 55 in LCD Rear-Projection TV ………. $550
Sharp Aquos LC-37D7U 37 in Flat Panel LCD TV ……….. $400
Samsung LN-R268W 26 in Flat Panel LCD TV …….. $350
Sony Grand WEGA KDF-E60A20 60 in Rear-Projection LCD TV …… $600
Samsung HL-R4667W 46 in Rear-Projection DLP TV…….. $400
Sony Wega KLV-S32A10 32 in Flat Panel LCD TV ……… $300
Sony Grand WEGA KDF-E55A20 55 in LCD Rear-Projection TV ………. $550
Sharp Aquos LC-37D7U 37 in Flat Panel LCD TV ……….. $400
Samsung LN-R268W 26 in Flat Panel LCD TV …….. $350
Sony Grand WEGA KDF-E60A20 60 in Rear-Projection LCD TV …… $600
Samsung HL-R4667W 46 in Rear-Projection DLP TV…….. $400
Sony Wega KLV-S32A10 32 in Flat Panel LCD TV ……… $300
Sony BRAVIA KLV-S26A10 26 in Flat Panel LCD TV ……….. $300
Sharp Aquos LC-26DA5U 26 in’ LCD TV………… $300
Panasonic TH-42PHD8UK 42 in Flat Panel Plasma TV……… $400
Samsung HLR5078W 50 in Rear-Projection DLP TV ………… $500
Sharp Aquos LC-20S4U 20 in Flat Panel LCD TV …………… $250
Panasonic Onyx TH50PX500U 50 in Flat Panel Plasma TV …….. $500
Sharp Aquos LC45GD4U 45 in Flat Panel LCD TV …………… $350
Samsung SlimFit TX-R3079WH 30 in Flat CRT TV ……….. $350
Samsung HL-R5688W 56 in Rear-Projection DLP TV ……….. $550
Sharp Aquos LC-45GX6U 45 in Flat Panel LCD TV ……….. $500
Email: philipmobile01@hotmail.com
Email: raven6_23@hotmail.com