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Deleted Post and motivation

February 27, 2007 By pia

A lot of this has to do with winter. I don’t mind the cold. I hate wind. I hate putting on layers of clothes and carrying so much. I hate the potential for losing things.

I need to feel motivated. I need to feel that the sun has come out for me.

I feel as if I’m losing myself into the winter abyss. I know winter is ending. But I’m so bogged down I can’t see through tomorrow.

I hate waking up and opening my email. I belong to a media org that has classes, many many classes. Last week they had a seminar that cost $50. It turned out that the seminar was a tease for an eight week course.

That’s deceptive. It also helped me realize that they attempt to make a person feel as if they can’t write and be published unless they take tons of their classes.

It’s not that I felt less talented than others in my last class. I felt less mainstream. I felt more edgy. Really when I thought about it, more people have read me, both as a published writer and in my blog.

But I felt less than because I’m not organized. I don’t write perfect little stories.

Yet there’s more beauty in imperfection. More reality in edginess.

If only I could get back the motivation I had so much of. I’m hoping one good day in the sun where I can pretend that it’s 75 degrees and I’m basking, can begin to bring it back. Maybe even two hours….
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Today is the dawg’s two year blogevesary. We met about a month before when dressed in shining dawg suit, he rescued me from an onslaught by the radical right. Doug and I navigated the blogging waters together. I hit rough seas often, Doug never did. Just kept on getting witter and witter. Something about two line posts really suits the dawg. So do fables, and his weekend blog Prattler where Doug shows his ability to postulate amazing arguments.
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Tomorrow I will be doing a guest post on another blog. Not the dawgs. Where I show a side of myself, some might say a much better side, never shown here. It’s the side that I try to keep in check but probably shouldn’t as…well you’ll see.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: personal essays

« Purple Haze
Tile, scarce, lieu–three word Wednesday on Wednesday night–fiction »

Comments

  1. kyahgirl says

    February 28, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    hey Pia, I hear you on the ‘winter abyss’. Its just going on way too long. Have you ever considered getting a light for treating SAD?

  2. jacob says

    February 28, 2007 at 2:26 pm

    Sun is very important this time of year, it should start getting better soon. I can’t wait.

    I don’t see why anyone needs classes to write for publications, you either have it or you don’t.
    You have it.

  3. Doug says

    February 28, 2007 at 2:30 pm

    Boy, I had a good comment until I got to the bottom. Thanks, Pia.

    I think I was going to say something about how edgy is a good thing. Some people like exotic food, everyone likes candy. No one goes far for candy.

  4. Pia savage says

    February 28, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    If I moderated comments, and I might as that keeps me feeling productive though maybe not, and maybe yes, I would say:
    Kayahgirl, always good to hear from you. It’s not winter as much as the end of winter and the feeling that I should be further along–though I do hate winter

    Jacob, thank you. I needed that comment

    Dawg, if it weren’t for you I probably would have given up my pink corner of the blogosphere

  5. Bone says

    February 28, 2007 at 3:15 pm

    Capote said, “I felt that either one was or wasn’t a writer, and no combination of professors could influence the outcome.” (source: Wikipedia, naturally.)

    Who would you rather have dinner with, Truman or Bone? I’m hoping to make that a tough decision someday 🙂

  6. TonyG says

    February 28, 2007 at 7:42 pm

    One of the wonderful things about writing to me is there are many different styles. I hate to read or hear someone trying to make a writer more like every other writer. Why?

    Different is good.

  7. neva says

    February 28, 2007 at 8:00 pm

    “Dawg, if it weren’t for you I probably would have given up my pink corner of the blogosphere”… wow! well all i can say is “Thank God for that Dawg!” (seriously, i can’t imagine a Blogospere without you in it’s happy pick corner, and i don’t want to.

    as for those wintery blues?? aw… i hear ya, girlfriend. at least THIS winter we’ve had more than our fair share of sunshine, and, hopefully the temps will warm things up. can’t help you with that e-mail conundrum tho’, i believe you know first hand how terrible i am about responding to such things in any proper/acceptable amount of time. (seriously, it is my Achilles heel. or my Kryptonite. whatever it is, it’s killin’ me.)

    the women who created THIS SITE were on WNYC the other day promoting their new book on organizing one’s life that i think i might have to pick up. (i made myself a note, so i wouldn’t forget to do just that next time i’m in Borders, only i can’t remember where i put it. sigh)

    hang in there, Spring is, but a few weeks away, lovely Pia! if i can make it, you can, too!! xoxo

  8. Pia savage says

    February 28, 2007 at 8:36 pm

    Uh, Bone, I hope not to meet the afterlife for a long while so the answer is easy. Capote by a mile 🙂

    TonyG, different is good, but you know that

    Neva, thanks but spring will come. it will rain and I will complain

    I have great faith that I can ruin any season

    About that book on organizing however….

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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