Loving Zachary

I never knew that I could write fiction until I began doing Bone’s 3WW. It’s one of the things I enjoy doing most as it’s purely for pleasure

It’s thrilling to get into peoples head that aren’t mine. I love the directions stories can take. They almost feel as though they write themselves.

I’m using these characters for a boy. I love finding things out about them when I write a 3WW. I love putting them in situations I have never been in. Or exploring something real from a fictitious angle.

This story was based a bit on a boy I lived with. He was from New Orleans, and was a talented, I think, singer/songwriter.

Unfortunately he was an undiagnosed bipolar. He killed himself in Nashville several months before his 38th birthday. He was New Orleans to the core and didn’t believe in gun control. He did believe in owning guns, though never when we lived together.

I’m not sure that his suicide was spur of the moment. He probably would have found a way without a gun. But he used a gun. This is the first time I have ever visualized that.

I loved him once madly. People loved us together. For awhile we were the perfect couple. But you can’t help a person who won’t help himself. He probably couldn’t help it. He needed help beyond any that I could find for him then. Not that I tried.

I honestly didn’t know what was wrong with him. For a long time I thought I wasn’t perfect enough. My “nickname” at work was Princess Perfect. Never found that flattering.

He couldn’t help me with my problems though he tried. I couldn’t help him with his problems. They were far worse. We were 28 and he thought that we were too old to accomplish anything. I thought life was just beginning.

We fought over that. We did fight over music though never to the extent in the story.. He did introduce me to the music of Tom Waits so I forgave him. Actually his friend, who lived in Park Slope when I first heard of it, introduced me to Wait’s music.

I spent much of my life hating Zachary. I didn’t know he had killed himself until Google began. His real name isn’t Zachary. Each year I find more references to him.

I honestly believe that he would have made it. He had many connections, though nobody could stand him later, and a great sound. I’m biased I know, but….A wonder of life is that persistence and honing talent can pay off.

He didn’t practice often. The way he practiced persistence was a turn off to everybody including me.

I have many Zachary stories throughout Courting, and many I haven’t told. Our relationship is the focal point of my memoir. I take my share of the blame. I excel at that.

“Stairway to Heaven” really is an exceptional song. I missed it when it came out as we were a household that listened to other music. I did insist on Clapton because I couldn’t live without him. But I have caught “Stairway…” in every re-run since.