I’m tired of me. Lately blogging has me crazed. I don’t feel very bloggy. I was reading a blog where somebody idolized a famous blogger and writer I casually know. I don’t mean to sound bitter as I’m not, but it’s kind of like idolizing a pop idol though one who lets you into her life, or the life she wants shown–good bad whatever. I am jaded.
I’m writing fiction as I enjoy it. I’m emotionally fatigued which is a lot worse than physically fatigued. It’s not depression. It’s the beginning of understanding that I have made real life changes, and wishing that I had wise people to guide me. But I have only me, my many personalities and my myriad of friends who all are in shock but think it’s right.
I know Colliding Worlds isn’t mainstream fiction. I’m not a mainstream type of person and am doing this entire apartment renovation as my taste is so out there–Thinking about the things that weren’t up to code or looked beautiful but I quickly found out were cheap makes me sick so….My first major purchase, before the wall unit, was a would have been $400 faucet had I bought it in Gracious Home. Oddly enough people still admire its incredible lines. It has a rim of black that picks up the granite.
The old faucet fell off when I was living there a month. It looked beautiful. This is ten times prettier and way stronger. It won’t fall apart. As long as they don’t try to hook up a dish washer. Well I didn’t know. Thought everybody had dishwashers after they turned 40.
It’s amazing to spend so much money and not live the American dream. It’s my turn to have space, amenities and pay way less.
I’m having a hard time focusing right now. This is one of the days I hate the tip everybody in the building. I changed tip numbers etc so much that I left one envelope blank. He came up and started screaming at a doorman who has become a friend. I hope I didn’t start World War Three or get anybody fired. I feel horrible. Doormen gossip. A lot.
I won’t miss the greed in New York but I sure understand it. Though other cities have surpassed New York in expense, Manhattan is still the most expensive. My neighbors keep telling me “we think about it all the time, can’t believe you’re actually doing it.
New York Magazine has reasons to love New York. They’re all valid especially the doormen one, but uh, does everybody either live in a fringe hood in an outer borough or make hundreds of thousands a year?
Anyway this move is taking all my psychic energy I don’t know if I should put in my novel, put it in password protected posts or email it to people who are interested.
I don’t want people who really don’t want to comment to feel compelled to.
I’m doing what New Yorkers do when they feel overwhelmed and unsure of everything. I’m going to the movies. It beats drinking or drugs which at other times in my life…. I already took the long walk……
The movie was sold out. I went to Barnes & Noble and bought some books, including one on happiness, What Happy People Know as I’m into that, Atonement as I want to read it before seeing the movie and some true life murders. They’re my biggest guilty pleasure, but I have strict rules. Can never have heard of the murder, can’t be written at a Third Grade level, and I know I have some other rules.
The best true life murder selection can be found in a book store on the boardwalk at Venice Beach. Once I was going to move there. Now it’s South Carolina–but there’s always Amazon and there is a Barnes & Noble in Myrtle Beach, and an interesting “second hand” book store in a strip mall in North Myrtle. I’m going to be one with my inner strip mall. I did grow up near one and hated it. However there are actual streets, and I will be able to travel often.
It’s becoming scarier as the time grows closer.