I nominate*****

I nominate my BFF, Lucia, for VP. She’s a hockey, uh, soccer, uh goth single mom.

One of three children of hardworking parents originally from Puerto Rico, who have gotten their reward in heaven we know, Lucia’s brother Eddie is a successful businessman. He’s blond as were two of his four wives. So he has all these adorable blond children plus adorable dark haired children from his two Italian-American wives.

Lucia’s sister, my good friend and landlady in North Myrtle, CLo is married to W who happens to be WASP. One of his sons is a civilian employee for the CIA (linguist). His other son is equally dorky but has adorable children. One has Aspergers–or so CLo thinks.

In CLo we have a true bonus, Her first husband was African American. Thus her two children have African American spouses and children. CLo was that American ideal; a mother by nineteen. Unfortunately she’s intellectually astute but that’s tempered by her love of body work. CLo believes in helping the American economy by spending as much money as possible. W, a founder of a large home supply company. is COO of a huge sports supply company. He’s on a mission to supply hockey equipment to every American, for a decent price of course.

Lucia, herself, epitomizes the American ideal. She was a girl contractor when it was a boy business so she can slug back a si_ pack like nobody you have ever seen. She’s an engineering consultant now so gosh darn it she can help e_pedite a bridge to nowhere.

Lucia swears she’ll get her reward before heaven cos….LucianaMae, the seventeen year old chippette off the old block and high school grad doing a gap year refuses to let Joey her boyfriend impregnate her. She’s said some gosh awful things about not wanting to have a child until after she’s finished grad school and worked a few years. Her plans might or might include Joey the very faithful boyfriend who follows her like a moose to icecaps. Lucia tells the chippette that God has room in his heart for all beings, and darn it, she wants a grandchild to raise spoil.

However LucianaMae’s father George has a few kids who seem to be walking on the wild side so there’s hope!!!! Gianna is nine, Nicole and Nick are ten. Their mother, Nina, a teacher , who invented that award winning course, “Global Warming: God loves to keep you warm and close to his heart” was attacked by a student and is in a vegetative state. She will get such a great reward when God sees fit to call her to heaven. No, we’re not stopping the feedings or liquid intakes. She’s as alive to us as when she was conscious.

Lucia is helping George raise the children. She finds time to visit Nina daily.

Lucia really really deserves to be VP. Though she has the misfortune of being an East Coaster, she’s a real American who encourages all the children to play hockey and soccer

I’m Lucia’s campaign manager. We’re not sure who she is running with or what the issues are but golly gee that’s half the fun. We can learn everything in just a month!!!
When there are things to be done we role up our sleeves and get the job finished. No looking back at pesky mistakes. The future is ours!!!!

America has been made by risk takers who dare not to think of yesterday but to think of the new e_citing future when everybody will be equal as everybody will have much less than most had.

Lucia’s large multi rainbow family runs onto stage. All e_cept LucianaMae who looks sullen and embarrassed rush to Lucia to kiss and hug her. I continue

The Gonzalez family e_amplify American values at its best. This is a rare single year for Lucia who believes in marriage, e_tended family, and solving problems as they happen within the family unit. And by gosh any friend soon becomes a family member.

Unfortunately non of the family will be available for interviews. Between you and me, you just never know what those wacky funny Gonzalez’s will say. We like our family to be shown–and probably we’ll let them speak after the lobotomy.

Why e_cuse me. I have just finished my third si_th pack since this morning.

American ingenuity and gumption will solve all problems.

*********I haven’t done satire in many a moon so please be gentle. On the moving front I finished everything but the change of address Apparently you can’t do it on the Internet if you’re having your mail sent to a UPS store. Who knew? As I’m used to doormen I like the UPS store cause you can rent a mail bo_ for fourteen dollars a month, and if you sign up for a year two months are free!!!! They receive packages for you and you know you’re accepted in town when the owner stops giving you strange looks and start telling you jokes.

This is my second to last Friday as a resident of this building!