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3WW: fear, ignore, weightless

May 12, 2010 By pia

I long for the weightless summers of youth before the fear became omnipresent and I could ignore the subtle individual problems that taken all together would become huge.

Once I was filled with pure potential.  It didn’t matter that somethings were too hard.  But the fear became so great that I began to ignore important things and now I’m scared it could be too late.

Or not.  I could be taking everything way out of proportion.  Letting the nightmares  take over the day.  Even dreams that I’m weightless and flying seem to have sinister connotations.

Last week I faced the past despite my fear.  I learned that I missed the friends of today who live in the city I was visiting.  Still they are there for me.

Here I have a good life.  But not one I’m totally comfortable in yet.  I’m scared that if I continue to ignore certain things the good life will become shallow and weighted with problems I have spent too much time imagining and problems I have not yet begun to think about.

It’s beautiful today and I plan on doing what gives me pleasure and thus makes me productive.  My life.  My dreams.  My way.  I care way too much about pleasing others.  If I learn to only please myself the fear will go away and I won’t ignore the important.

I know.  Most people learned this lesson in high school!

I had to make a decision today about something that seemed good for me and was for awhile.  But now it’s only depressing–nobodies fault and the right decision was to end it.  But  get into the “you can’t quit,” mindset and sometimes that’s exactly wrong.

I really hate getting up at 4AM too tired to do anything but think and/or write.  Not able to fall back to sleep.  Forgive this post.  The words bore into me.

Filed Under: 3WW Tagged With: 3WW

« Tea Parties and Kent State
Witch Trials Today »

Comments

  1. Gemma@Greyscale says

    May 12, 2010 at 4:52 am

    In retrospect, the summers of youth seem weightless. But at the time, as at almost any time, there can be moments when fears seem bigger than hopes! Just walk on, I believe and let today’s fears fade into yestyerdays!

  2. Andy Sewina says

    May 12, 2010 at 6:12 am

    I feel like that sometimes too!

  3. Anthony North says

    May 12, 2010 at 7:10 am

    I know the feeling.

  4. ThomG says

    May 12, 2010 at 7:27 am

    The words – your words – bore into me as well, as I struggle to find myself, my place in this world. And I’m with you on the 4 a.m. thing.

  5. Angel says

    May 12, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Very heartfelt.

  6. Carina says

    May 12, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    Being willing to fail, and admitting when we do so, is the hardest part of growing up. Some people never do.

  7. cooper says

    May 12, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    A post worthy of the words.

    i also agree with your above post the one with the off comments. 😉

  8. tammy says

    May 12, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Fear can be hard but you can use your fear to move forward on your terms. HUGS my friend and much love

  9. Amity says

    May 12, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    We grow wishing fears would leave us..but no, it will always be there on maybe on a different degree…

    And for fears of not being able to please everyone? that sucks! why should i please everyone? that will make me unhappy!

    thanks for the wise words!

  10. Tim Remp says

    May 13, 2010 at 6:52 am

    “My life. My dreams. My way” … perfect.

    -Tim

    http://timremp.blogspot.com/2010/05/adepta-sororitas.html

  11. Niebla says

    May 13, 2010 at 7:49 am

    True and touching.

  12. Doug says

    May 13, 2010 at 9:32 am

    I second Cooper and would have liked to second you on the post above. As a never-married 42-year-old, I know what people must think of me. “Did his mother never teach him to dress?”

  13. pia says

    May 13, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Thanks all. I’m aware that this is a hard post to comment to. I was in a mood yesterday and when I saw those words….

    Cooper, Doug I closed comments to the first because it speaks for itself. Though now that I have thought about it with some degree of calmness realize that it’s a subject worth discussing

    Doug having met you several times I can say that you’re right in what you think. Not.

  14. Bone says

    May 14, 2010 at 6:53 am

    From a pure writing standpoint, there are so many beautiful lines in this. From a pure friend standpoint, I love the hope in this post, and am rooting for you always.

    And congratulations on facing your fear. That’s a lot.

  15. NAirobi says

    May 15, 2010 at 3:40 am

    Guess many people can relate to that feeling …
    Cheers! Do well 🙂

  16. Julie Jordan Scott says

    May 17, 2010 at 8:26 am

    I can feel you through your words and that, dear one – is very positive and not at all boring… though I have often thought “GEEESH! Could I possibly be less interesting!” so I feel you there, also.

    I am grateful you wrote this…. my poem I wrote for 3WW this week… well, I will let it speak for itself and naturally – the choice is yours to read it (or not!) Either is a-ok, ofcourse!

    THANK YOU!

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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