This is an absolutely true non fiction story that happened on Thursday but we’re going to pretend it happened today. It could have
I was walking in the crosswalk outside of Bilo when a car came out of nowhere. I jumped onto the curb very very quickly. The woman was opening her window to yell at me–you could tell from her face when she saw the crowd of angry people and sped off.
They weren’t angry at me but ready to mob her as she had been going fast in a shopping center parking lot. A place where people, by definition, walk. This wasn’t me practicing defensive walking. I walk therefore I get defensive in an area where the car is king. People kept talking to me until I left the shopping center. Apparently I was very lucky as she came an inch or so away from me.
I laughed my way home as my hair salon is in that shopping center and I could picture what the girls in the salon would have done had I been killed. I am a very good customer.
Then I went to the beach. Now North Myrtle is in the midst of a tent controversy. Too many people bring tents and put them on the first line to the shore line. Sometimes they connect five or more tents. This isn’t good either for people like me who just bring chairs or more importantly for life guards who not only have to see but run in case of emergency. The way people have been talking about tents in the local papers you would think they’re as important to good moral character as motherhood, apple pie and lack of taxes. Really. Somehow all this gets tied together in letters. It makes my day.
So I looked for a space as far from tents and from umbrellas as possible. I plunked down my stuff and began to read. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a giant very heavy umbrella falling–coming straight for my head. I took my right fist and punched it away from me. The ten people who belonged to the umbrella couldn’t stop telling me how they had almost killed me and how sorry they were. They talked to each other about what a close call it had been. Really I was unaware but must have been vigilante because of the earlier incident. I told the people about it. They were insistent that I go home.
I didn’t. I took my chair and put it in the water as I love sitting in the water. Then I went out beyond the breakers and body surfed. Normally that scares me if I’m alone or don’t have a boogie board but I figured today is my lucky day.
Still fourteen more minutes to go