I spent all weekend writing.
And my writing became darker and darker. Yet I feel as if I’m not even a pebble that ripples through a lake that finds a tributary that finds a river that finds an estuary that works its way into the ocean–or something like that. My waterway geography is a bit rusty and I’m from Long Island. No excuses.
I have been staying away from TVs. Studies done after 9/11 showed that people who watched the most were the most depressed. It’s just common sense I guess. But there wasn’t the Huffpo then, and despite all the reasons I have never liked Arianna I find myself drawn to her paper as its coverage is the most dramatic and I think “no Pia, stop!!!.”
I miss home now. Home being New York where I understand the people and they claim to understand me. It’s not that I don’t like it here. This is my home now. But my closest friends here won’t be back for another two and a half weeks.
I wish I were a better person. One who could roll with all the punches and not feel so much. But I do. And then there’s the matter of the rapidly disappearing money. Which is insignificant but it would have been safer under my mattress. Long story for some other time. Maybe.
So I really have to focus on whether the world is falling apart or not. Because maybe the world will come to an end in 2012, or I have heard the coasts will fall into the sea in October and now anything horrible seems possible no matter how crackpot the theory, and then I wouldn’t have to worry.
But I like to think I have focused on living a healthy good life so it could be a long and good one. My own personal screw you to malevolent forces. But it’s so hard.
I just have to remind myself I’m not even a pebble.
I think you’re a full stone. I also think your last PT piece wasn’t too dark. As long as you salt in a few lines of classic Pia humor, it isn’t hard to read.
Ah, but that should be “roll with the punches.” Sorry, OCDeditor.
Dear Pebbles,
Well, at least you have visitation privileges and bona fide New York visitors. One of us here does not. During my two institutionalizations here in SC I observed many gatherings of family and patients on weekends and holidays. I did not participate due to a lack of interest on the part of anyone from the outside. Both the patients and staff enjoyed the social interaction. You have indeed something to look forward to. I am always here for you, grasshopper, I know what you are going through. Remember, when you have reached your bedsheet quota, just swing by my desk for a little chat to boost your spirits and glance enviously at my AT&T Snuffador ashtray!
Great, I was hoping you would tell me the world wasn’t falling apart.
It’s easy to feel insignificant in the wake of Japan. It sure seems these lessons in perspective and reminders of life’s fragility are coming more often lately.
Liked your waterway analogy, though I already consider you a river. Wait, that is the goal, right? I like the word estuary. Also the name Astoria. Not that you mentioned the last one.
Dear Pia…do you remember our Paisley that wrote over on Sunday Scribblings a couple of years ago? She wrote for several years about her life before Point Reys, Ca. I wrote a post that she read and even comment on. She asked if I was talking about her. I wasn’t…I was talking about myself. The post was simply a reminder to quit “thinking so much.”
We need to live in the moment because that is all we are given. The world has been falling apart since it came together in a ball of fire. Evil has always and will always exist. Our corner of the world is our rock, we are the grains of sand that made it, the water that washes over us is life and who knows, in the universe, we may only be pond scum! As I see it, we live in a reality of our own making. If the clouds are dark, it is because we we see them that way.
Take heart…the world will not end for most people in 2012. And remember, feeling is being alive…I prefer it to the alternative!
Be well.
Much love,
Barbara
Beach time will soon be here–I hope you were out there last night welcoming the rising moon over the water–there isn’t anything any more magical. There’s a lot of crap going on in the world, that you got right. Like you, I don’t watch too much TV.