I’m keeping this blog though I post infrequently as I have kept up very few things for seven years and am determined…..Though I suppose Psychology Today could be a natural outgrowth.
Last week my birth cousin called to say that my birth mother had passed on. I thought it brave and wonderful of my cousin to call me. I didn’t expect to feel the emotions that have been flooding through me ever since.
Sad mostly. Vindicated as my cousins told me that what I wrote about her was true. But still I can’t help but think if I had been a warmer person, if I had been more charming, more something she would have liked me.
I have been reading more than I have in years. I thought the Internet stole my passion for books but it hasn’t. Basically I take most every selection Vanity Fair and some other magazines give and have Amazon ship them.
I know I have insulted people by using the word “retarded.” I don’t see the horror in the word.
Because I was diagnosed so late with nonverbal learning disorder I didn’t have the vocabulary to explain it properly. Actually I still don’t. So I call myself spatially retarded because truthfully I am.
And truthfully I guess I envy young people who do have the vocabulary and don’t feel shame in not knowing things or guilt about not knowing other things. It’s not an easy road I travel yet I have for many years and hope to for many more. This time with proper vocabulary and a map if that’s at all possible
It’s been hard to write and now I have an excuse–the death of Bio Mom, and I do mean that with respect. So this morning I wrote half of a first draft of my next post for PT. I have also begun outlining my book. I hope it’s a productive summer!