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Reflections on a New Year

December 31, 2011 By pia

This year has been incredible. I chose to focus on the positive and the many wonderful things that have happened to me.
I can’t help but reflect on the words people have said that were designed to hurt me. I don’t spew off my professional qualifications on NLD boards for many reasons. But I have two years of grad school, many post grad courses, work and a license in social work. This does tend to make me think in a certain way.

This is going to sound so elitist and maybe it is but I do understand more than a high school grad and don’t care who hates me for saying that. Few people including doctors know much or anything about NLD in adults. So I say “this is my opinion,” or “I believe.”

People say I talk down to them. But how do they talk to me? Apparently all people with NLD are forever children who need to be talked to as if we are slow seven year olds. I resent that.

I don’t consider my accomplishments amazing. It makes me sad to realize how much more I could have accomplished had I known about NLD prior to age 56. That’s a fact.

Think about that. I navigated through life without being called “disabled,” which I’m glad about but that also meant I got no service. None at all. I graduated from college and grad school–and did exceptionally well. I should be very proud of that. Instead I feel that I didn’t live up to the potential I know is in me.

I’m told I lack humility. I thought about this a lot and if lacking humility means I’m not Mother Teresa well I’m not. But I care about people a great deal and take much pleasure in helping them. I think I succeed more than I fail.

Am I self-centered? I sort of had to be as navigating the world wasn’t easy for me. I see people in the NLD community who are obsessive and self-centered about their children. That’s considered a good thing but making your own way isn’t?

That’s called advocating. People advocating for themselves are considered wonderful but people like me who were raised to question everything and might see another solution to a problem or another problem completely are considered to be troublemakers.

Unfortunately my parents are no longer on this earth. They would have have loved to advocate for me. They did but it was hard when you don’t know exactly what the problems are.

I want to begin the New Year feeling good about myself, and damn it I will because I’m more, much more than a series of negative comments and words.

I am obsessive. I don’t think that’s a horrible trait. I need to make up for time lost. Contributing to the world is very important to me.

Filed Under: mental health Tagged With: a fish out of water, neurobiological problems, non verbal learning disorders

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Comments

  1. cooper says

    December 31, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Too much humility gets one stuck at the back of a very long line time and time again. There is a place for it of course, but quite often when people wish for someone else to be more humble it is because they feel insecure and lack their own accomplishments or credentials.

    I wish for you a spectacular New Year Pia.

  2. Sage says

    December 31, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    May 2012 be a wonderful year for you, Pia.

  3. Doug says

    January 1, 2012 at 6:50 am

    Well, you’re Pia to me. That’ll do. Happy new year, Pia.

  4. Jonathan says

    January 4, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    I’m sat here, reading this, and drawing all kinds of parallels with our youngest (who is developmentally delayed for entirely different reasons). Having some personal perspective on it makes me appreciate the road you have travelled – your journey.

    All I can do is grin, and offer to buy you a drink while we talk about how many years we’ve “kind of” known each other now 🙂

  5. Bone says

    January 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    You’re one of the most generous, helpful people I know.

    Self-centered? Eh, I always considered you more weather-centric 🙂

    Happy New Year! Hope it’s a marvelous one.

  6. Adele says

    January 15, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I’m a social work student and I have NVLD. You sound a lot like me. Thank you for writing this.

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I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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