I Answer a Question or Two

Dear People of the World,

Please leave me alone unless you’re a close friend and/or family member. And even then I would think…. I’m not brilliant. I haven’t been in school in 18 years and that was only because I went to grad school late.
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I’m smart. I figured things out. My family was supportive. My friends and lovers thought I rocked the moon (whatever that means.)

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But I’m not an advice columnist. And have no idea how I taught myself.

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I assume I turned everything into a word problem–and most of learning is based on reading.

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Books teach. Sometimes, even English seems like another language. Keep reading until you understand the language. Then you can grasp the concepts. Once you grasp the concepts you can understand the subject.

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So read–everything you can. Know the difference between words and nonwords. This test (which isn’t easy for many reasons) shows that. Vocabulary is important. Of course you have to be able to spell for this test and I can’t but still I did well.

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Learn every word you possibly can and how to use them. Try not to use dictionaries or the Internet equivalent but figure out the meaning from the context. Ask yourself what a sentence really means. Does it have other meanings? Which meaning is important to the context. Rewrite the sentence and/or paragraph in your own words. Make them shorter but meaningful.

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When you get this down you’ll truly comprehend the English language. It’s a great language and reading well opens so many worlds. There are many things I can’t do but I can read. And that gave me degrees, jobs, even friends. (I talk a lot but I’m only comfortable talking because I know I have a strong knowledge base.. And I listen. Really listen.)

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Math–understanding money is important (and statistics but only because I like it and it served me well in careers.) But money is the key to life. So figure out a way you can learn basic math. I can’t teach you that.

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My father made flash cards. Somehow they worked. They didn’t work with spelling but arithmetic yes. By the time I got my first paycheck I could figure out how much I could make in a week, month, year and anything in between. (I was paid $2.00 an hour.) I would do this in my head before I went to sleep.

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I took an estates & trusts paralegal course and to my shock excelled. Later I understood that the formulas were easy. It was reading and translating the questions and concepts that people had trouble with. Somehow I didn’t.

So I could become an SSI Claims Rep where I spent a lot of time figuring out living arrangements (easy) and if the person was being truthful or not. I changed the order of the forms and did the medical one first, after asking basic financial info. My supervisor was convinced I was psychic. No. I thought. Thinking isn’t something most people do.

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I saw a lot of people who once had money come through my office. I vowed (and I hope so badly I will never be one of them) to always pay my bills–always. I had but this made me obsessive. Even more obsessive than being a CPA’s daughter.

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I pay my bills in advance if I can. The Internet takes away excuses. You can check your bills and accounts every day and I do.

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I waited until I was 47 to buy an apartment. Not everybody needs to own. By then I could pay cash. True I didn’t get the large luxe apartment I would have had I taken a mortgage but I wanted my apartment to work for me not me to work for my apartment. A very wise man had taught me that concept. His wife reinforced the notions. I miss them everyday and wish my father had been alive to see my coop–I didn’t face New Jersey, daddy!

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After a decade my apartment stopped working for me. I sold it and left New York. I bought a house near the beach in South Carolina. It wasn’t perfect but I can afford it.

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Learning is a lifelong process. It’s not what you know in school that’s important but how you use the knowledge you learn everywhere. Life is a huge lesson.

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It’s also supposed to be fun. So laugh. And pick great friends you can laugh with. That will make the bad times–and there will always be  bad times–tolerable or sometimes almost fun.

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You will get depressed and anxious. So? How do you know what calmness is without anxiety and depression?

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You will fall–probably often if you’re anything like me. Pick yourself up and go on. That’s the key to self-respect. Not omigod my undies are showing and my make-up’s a mess, I can’t get up. Once I fell running on the ice to get a bus. My front teeth broke. I happened to be going to the dentist to get veneers. The point being–well I probably wouldn’t have been in such a hurry if I hadn’t been rushing way too much to get to the dentist (I was early; buses were a mess) if I hadn’t been going to the dentist. But since I was I thought this was the perfect time to break teeth. Don’t rush. It’s never worth it.

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Another time I was at a conference and so engrossed I didn’t realize I was hemorrhaging and sitting in a pool of my own blood.

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It could have been mortifying. Nobody noticed. Really. Everybody’s so engrossed in their own lives they really don’t look–plus I happened to be wearing a red dress. I asked a woman who was in back of me to get my coat. She was amazed at my nonchalance and helped me get home. Then I fell apart.

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Don’t waste time being mortified by yourself or constantly thinking about your problems. Everybody has them. You have no idea what the person sitting in back of you could be going through.

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I don’t know what happens after this life. But I know this is the only one I’m sure of.  So I make the most of it.

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Signed by:

A very disgruntled person who should have moved to Miami where the weather is good and they have this thing called public transportation. So how smart can I be?

But the reality is I have a great life. I can only laugh at my mistakes. I know I will always make them. I know I will do other things right and they will even out.

Oh, cliche of cliches–carpe diem!