Transitions: Finding Friends in All The Right Places

“Everyone’s abyss is always close and it’s hard work to keep it at bay.” Laura Heidel

Wilmington, North Carolina is about 45 minutes to an hour north of here. It’s a beautiful vibrant city near some of the best beaches I know.

People move to Wilmington because of its beauty, its small town feel, its culture–ever go to a movie theater in the center of city hall? Only in Wilmington! On the beginning of Front Street there’s a nineteenth century building that has a candy store that doubles as a jazz club on weekend nights.

There are many trolley tours. Downtown homes are magnificent. There are great restaurants all over the place. My favorite is one on the second floor of a building that overlooks the river. Think of a miniature Charleston with its own vibe and that’s Wilmington.

Somebody will always drive you to see the condo Katie Holmes lived in during Dawson Creek days. I, personally, have been taken to see it four times. Wilmington is the movie and TV production capital of the South. Sorry you Atlanta people——you haven’t overtaken Wilmington yet and probably never will because of all the things Wilmington has.

Wilmington attracts people who move from the North, from other parts of the South, from the West Coast and even Asheville.

But when you’re 50 or over it’s not as easy to meet people as it once was.

Laura went to a Meetup group where five of the twelve people who had registered showed up. She contacted the organizer who never responded.

Laura began a new group with a similar name . She changed the name to 50ish fun & active women. And the seeds of something great were spawn.

The group currently has 289 members and is growing. Somedays it offers two to five activities. Everything from restaurants to going to a health club before it’s opened so that women who are scared can feel less intimidated to walks to, so help me, doggie play dates to afternoons at the winery near my house——it’s a beautiful winery with bonfires, music and the greatest gift shop in the South.

There are many more activities; too many to name. There is another coed group for women and men who want to do things together; still another group is in the planning stages for traveling––short overnight trips and longer European vacations.

All these activities and really the goal is for women to become friends with other women. This is how friendships are formed when you’re not in school, not part of the mommy/school circuit, and it’s just not as easy to make friends at work as it was when you were young.

Many of the women are working; others are looking for work or are changing careers. Still others are retired.

There are investment seminars given by members. Yoga. Over the holidays I went with members of the group to Brookgreen Gardens Night of a Thousand Candles. It’s one of my favorite places, anywhere and about a two hour trip from Wilmington.

They asked me if shag dancing is easy. I’m not really the one to answer that question but I would be happy to get them private lessons.

50ish fun & active women is a full service meetup. Maybe the first. It works because its fun. Mostly it works because Laura puts her heart and soul into it.

She posts informational messages for women who want to start their own groups–knitting, book clubs, zumba, whatever.

Her groups are inclusive. Women are made to feel welcome and to feel that they can be a vital part of the group.

One of the women in the group sent Laura this article:

I genuinely applaud all of these efforts, but from my viewpoint, trying to get women over 50 to unite behind a single cause or a community these days is a murky proposition. Some are looking for a network to find a book club with other women or a troop to take in an art exhibit. Others want serious help learning about investing or landing a job. This diffusion of interests makes it hard for new 50+ women’s groups to survive and grow.

Laura does this all very successfully. I have been thrilled to see this group flourish. While people might have a “diffusion of interests,” most people want to be part of a group and part of something that’s bigger than themselves.

I want to run seminars for the many lonely women who desperately want to have fulfilling lives but are too afraid to make that first move. That’s the hardest part, getting out that first time and being so nervous.

She would be great at it. It’s so needed. Group members are helping Laura accomplish this goal (and get more members for 50ish…) by getting her newspaper publicity.

This is the kind of event planning that’s needed now. 50ish fun & active women is a model for life transition groups all over the country.

Laura has proven it can be done. We can all learn from this group that gives so much to many diverse women.

As it gives to so many people, it’s given Laura her true calling in life.

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?