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Fearing Fear

November 23, 2015 By pia

It’s not hard for me to understand fear.

I fear:

Seeing a doctor for the first time.

Seeing a dentist for the first time.

Dinner parties where people, I don’t know or don’t know well, sit at large rectangular tables.

Events like Blogher.

Anyplace I think I’m going to be judged, and judged harshly. Though I know that not to be true. I think.

Learning to drive.

Motorcycles—though I’m not sure if I really fear them or my mother hypnotized me into thinking I fear them.

Beets, anchovies and herring. (Really). If anybody ever gave me a plate with all three on it I would probably throw up, and thus take to my bed, and never go out again (shame, that great useless friend).

But I don’t fear terrorist attacks. Last week I felt PTSD’d because I did live in Manhattan and when you lived in Manhattan then you couldn’t feel fear. The PTSD was more about what could have happened then what did happen.

I had planned to stay here for Thanksgiving not because I fear terrorist attacks or planes but because I hate traveling around Thanksgiving. Hate and fear are two very different emotions.

I hate crowds, and if I go to NY I have to come back from LaGuardia, an airport that should have been closed for sheer grossness years ago. I love New York more than I can say but never around holiday time. Well, the night before Thanksgiving when the floats are being blown up is incredible. And Thanksgiving with family is priceless. But the crowds….

If I take the bus to Atlanta it’s crowded, and not fun. Last year I sat next to a woman who was bringing what felt like two weeks worth of very smelly food.

If I take the plane, the 35 minute ride gets stretched to between seven and fifteen hours. Atlanta’s a very nice airport but I mastered the subways and terminals years ago.

It’s not a time I want to go on vacation as its overpriced, and for amateurs. Sort of like any Saturday night in New York.

Apparently we risk more when we walk around our own couch or bureau.

Write down your own fears. It’s OK to fear being hit in the toe by a coffee table. I’ve sorta maybe broken my toe more times than I can count.

But fearing terrorists? It happens. But so far the number of people that have been killed in the western world by terrorist has been truly minimal–and I include The World Trade Center. It could have been so much worse. But it wasn’t.

Don’t waste your fears. Each of us is given a limited number of fears before we’re deemed crazy by the people around us. And that is my biggest fear of all. And should be yours.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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Waiting For My Tendons To Rupture »

Comments

  1. bonnie aldinger says

    November 23, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    I’m with you on the not traveling near the holidays. It’s like my Irish music session – we shut down if St. Patrick’s falls on a Tuesday. Too much ridiculous in our pub for live music to happen, all the drunks that turn out for St. Paddy’s and St. Paddy’s alone would be screaming for Danny Boy and doing obnoxious impressions of the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

    Happy happy Thanksgiving to you!

  2. Jocelyn says

    November 23, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Exactly. There is so much in the world to fear–BEETS!–that anxiety over terrorists is misplaced. We should fear dying in a car crash more than terrorists. I hope you enjoy this week when all the world gets quieter, as they join together in their houses for the big meal.

  3. Nathalie says

    November 23, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    This is terrific! I agree totally.

  4. Karen Gardner says

    December 5, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Hey Pia,

    Haha. If I mash your 404 Entitlement post with Bonnie’s comment I envision a leprechaun with pin money and want to mind my own business.

    Maybe we should be Facebook friends again. I just Liked your “overgrown weed” comment from two years ago.

    Karen

  5. Rena McDaniel says

    December 7, 2015 at 8:48 pm

    I liked this Pia very thought provoking I have a lot of fears too and it is hard to let go. I hate slamming my toes against that damn coffee table. Heck, remember me, apparently I can’t even sleep without falling out of the bed. Cut my earlobe right in have and sprained my wrist just in time for BAM! We still had fun didn’t we. Walked thirty damn miles but still had fun.

  6. sherill says

    January 24, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    So true, everyone has their own fear. But as the saying goes “with Fear, forget everything and run or face everything and rise” Thanks for sharing.

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About Me

I live in the South, not South Florida, a few blocks from the ocean, and two blocks from the main street. It's called Main Street. Amazes me too.

I'm from New York. I mostly lived in the Mid-Upper East Side, and the heart of the Upper West Side. It amazes me when people talk about how scared they were of Times Square in the 1970's and 1980's.

As my mother said: "know the streets, look out and you'll be fine."

What was scary was the invasion of the crack dens into "good buildings in good 'hoods." And the greedy landlords who did everything they could to get good tenants out of buildings.

I'm a Long Island girl, and proud of it now.
Then I hated everything about the suburbs. Yet somehow I lived in a few great Long Island Sound towns after high school.

Go to archives "August 2004" if you want to begin with the first posts.

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