In the year 2017, I had more MRI’s, CTscans, X-rays than in the rest of my life combined. They were all clear.
That should make me feel good.
Yet it doesn’t as no doctor has been able to pinpoint what is wrong.
I have been searching for answers for over four years.
Remember the old chestnut?: “How are you?” “Do you mean mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually…..” Once I could mimic a woman I knew who really did give that as an answer. Now I understand. OK I don’t really but….
I am exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Because my sight was going going going I had Toric Ocular vision surgeries between other doctors appointments.
I had “horrible” astigmatisms, cataracts that too many optometrists hadn’t found–because they aren’t age related and clustered in one place in the iris, the optometrist who did find them said.
My sight is now “perfect.
For awhile I noticed that the skin on my eyelids was going over my once lovely crease. I tried scheduling the eyelid operation or plastic surgery junior as I call it for Spring. But the earliest I could get an appointment was in July—the week before my birthday.
The pulmonary doctor didn’t want me flying so I pretended this was a perfect time. Though I knew going away would work wonders for my mental and physical health. Spiritual too, I guess.
For some reason I thought when the plastic surgeon took out the stitches the week after the surgery, my birthday week, I would be almost healed. And truthfully the black and blue was gone within two days. Most people thought my eyes didn’t look incredibly swollen. I begged to differ.
I’ve always been a quick healer. The surgeon was excellent I think but his aftercare instructions, both verbal and written, left a lot to be desired. What was that bottle of saline solution doing in the bag I was given and what was I supposed to do with it?
I called his office not once but twice that first afternoon for more precise after-care instructions. Sadly I spent way too much time that afternoon trying to find out why he had given me the saline solution.
My friend looked it up on the Internet as I couldn’t read. We figured it out before a nurse got back to me.
I spent that week in a fog as while the swelling didn’t look as horrible as it felt, it felt horrible. And I could barely see the second and third day. Or I could but I could only see the TV screen well.
When I went to get the stitches taken off he neglected to tell me that he was only taking two off each eye and the rest would dissolve.
On various days I looked like Elvira after Halloween, The Bride of Frankenstein, and my personal favorite look–an aging glitter/punk rocker. I listened to The New York Dolls, Lou Reed and The Ramones for several weeks. The stitches that looked like heavy black eyeliner gone astray are almost gone as are the pink eyelids. To think I wore pink eyeshadow in the 1970’s, yuck. Yet I sort of liked the look.
I found some excellent products on Amazon that worked much better than baby shampoo, hydrogen peroxide, and saline solution.
My right forehead just above the eye felt as if I had a Botox headache–not that I’ve ever had Botox–until Tuesday of this week. Both my eyes felt as if needles were being put in them or being taken out or were stuck in the lids depending on the hour of the day. I’m pretty sure that I was getting a sinus infection which is a trigger for my bronchial problems.
Last week I went to the pulmonary doctor. I “passed all the tests.” Afterwards I told her that I had taken her advice and not been to a health club or gone on a plane, and how miserable that had made me feel. But I added as she’s overworked, unfamiliar with the South and I felt a bit sorry for her, good had come out of it as I had the eyelid surgery.
We left it unspoken that if I could have had this surgery I could have flown.
She brought in all the females on the staff to look at my precisely placed stitches. Apparently they’re a work of real artistry. Who knew?
We then agreed that I’m much improved, and she has no idea what to call my problems.
This was going to be my year of getting a great career in order. Instead I spent it in doctor’s offices and binge watching TV because my brain wasn’t capable of anything more.
I feel as if I have spent this year swimming in circles.
Wasted year? No, I know that but it sure feels as if it has been. Though my brain feels as if it’s beginning to work better than it has in many a year.
Somehow I think the eclipse will be a time for new beginnings. I rented the last beachfront hotel suite basically anywhere in South Carolina, and only good can happen. (My glasses better work. After this year it would be the height of irony….)
Carpe diem! Work on that legacy! My mottos for the rest of my life.