The shame of not having a clutter free house

My house isn’t filthy. It’s not as if you walk over messes to get anywhere. It  can look company presentable quickly. But I was used to my house being “the court showplace.” 

Just when I was beginning to feel really good about myself came the culture of:

If you keep anything on your kitchen counters aside from a Nespresso and a Vita Mix you’re a deeply disorganized person. Your backsplash and the clean counters can express your personality.

Less is more. If you have more than one of anything–except maybe clothes, you’re a hoarder. Anaylze why you can’t get rid of things, you sick obsessive compulsive.

Your floating shelves have too much on them. Don’t you get the point of floating shelves? Zen peace. Every house should achieve that.

Why do you have two vases when one would be perfect?

That piece of Lladro your mother gave you? It’s old Lladro and you used to make fun of it. Yes when my mother was alive, but it’s the one thing I have of hers….

You don’t need objects to remember a person. Donate it! A Lladro ballerina would make a person in a shelter feel so great about themelves. Really? I was getting backpacks together of toiletries and socks

Get those magazines out of the house. Clutter!!!! Your dining room table, my god, why is there mail on it?

I used to think that you were cool. You know how to use color. You’re not drowning in furniture, but….How can you live in a house an untrained dog can’t walk into without notice and not break your totally unnnecessary heavy crystal vase? So you’ve had it most of your life. You don’t need it.

And your office; everyone knows an office should have a small desk, a laptop, maybe a print diary, a printer, an ergonomically correct chair, and one big print hung somewhere unexpected.

Books?

There are bookshelves all over your house!!!!! True you own the thin DWR bookshelves that take up no visceral space, but still—books!!!!! Dust collectors, roach motels.

Why the hell do you still own books when there are kindles and you read too much anyway,”

There’s much more nobody ever has walked into my house and said but I know they’re thinking it. I know it!!

A house should be like an exclamation point. One exclamation point ending an unexpected sentence equals perfection. Anything more is horrible. Truly horrible.

I know my cluttered house is the reason I can’t focus on finishing a book or really getting it altogether. Or so I tell myself.

I plan to spend the rest of the summer ridding my house of everything extraneous to my life. That’s basically everything except the furniture and somethings I love much.

I’ve always had “nice” apartments, now a nice house, that I kept up and keep up well,  yet I feel shame because I’m not a hundredth as perfect as every article tells extols you to be.

Shame, I feel it.

In NY I had a cleaning woman who worked with me. She got my problems and helped people think I was incredibly together.

Here where people are incredibly house proud, and rightly so, the cleaning people work fast without that special treatment.

No I’m not going to hire an “organizer” when my need is to purge. I’m not overly attached to anything. I’m disorganized. My lack of spatial abilities doesn’t help other.

People would say this is a bad case of horrible executive functioning. They’re right. I’m not making excuses for my housekeeping. Until this year when I got sick and had three eye operations it was under control. Though I have friends who are Marie Kondoized to death even if they never heard of her.

I’m going to get a dumpster and not worry about donating, or keeping or…..

No, I’m not a hoarder. Just a person who needs to feel free.

Now that my eyes are healing all I can think about is what a horrible housekeeper I am.

I’m too social, and have too much pride, to let this problem fester. I’m too exhausted to do anything about it right now.

I would invite y’all over to help me but this is something I must do on my own.

Can’t wait for October when I’ll be ready to receive guests.